“That’s a great idea,” Riley says, suddenly shy again. “Mom and dad would love that. Maybe you could come and stay for a month or so?”
Without hesitation, I know what I want to do. Despite my conversation with Doc being scheduled to happen this week, the opportunity to get to know my daughter at this age is too great to pass on.
“I’ll be there.”
****
We’d been talking about trying the new Italian restaurant in town all week. Wilder told me to wear something sexy because he had something important that he wanted to discuss. But as I stare at my reflection, all I can think about is just howunsexyI feel today. Knowing what I have to tell him makes my stomach churn with nerves. It will change everything between us—because how could it not? The truth is simple, but brutal: I have to move to Austin. I need this closure with Riley. There’s just no way around it.
For how long I’ll be away, that’s what I’m not sure of yet.
“You look incredible,” he murmurs, kissing my lips gently and pulling me in for a hug the moment that I enter the bustling restaurant. “I have a reservation near the back where it's quiet.” He guides me through the beautifully decorated space to a private table next to a wood burning fireplace and pulls out my chair.
Once drink orders have been placed, I take a deep breath and then exhale slowly.
“Is everything okay?” he asks, sipping his water and watching me intently.
“Not really. There’s something I need to tell you,” I say, my eyes casting down before meeting his gaze again, prepared to share everything that I’ve kept from most of the people in my life.
"You can tell me anything, Teagan."
I nod. "Do you remember when I told you about the twenty-year-old vet tech I had a relationship with when I was sixteen years old?"
He nods.
“There was a little more to that relationship that I didn't share,” I continue, and he nods silently, encouraging me to proceed.
“When I fell off my horse, my dad took me to the Emergency Room to get an x-ray. During that appointment, they did a blood draw and told me... that I was pregnant.”
Wilder’s eyes widen as he reaches across the table and takes my hand in his.
“I hid the pregnancy for the rest of my sophomore year of high school and eventually, ran into my ex where I told him about the baby. He was more concerned that I’d tell his wife and didn’t care what I chose to do. I decided that I wanted to make a plan for adoption. I met a wonderful family, the Andersons, through the adoption agency that we worked with. They had an older daughter named Rebecca, and my father and I went down toHouston to meet them when I was six months along. I decided during that visit that they would be the family to raise her.” I exhale slowly and take a sip of ice water to help ground me.
“Teagan, I had no idea. The strength you had to go through that pregnancy at just sixteen years old without any support, and to make a plan for adoption must have been incredibly difficult and heartbreaking. I’m so sorry,” Wilder says sympathetically.
“Thank you. It was very difficult. My one requirement to the family was that they name her Riley. It made me feel like she had a part of me with her. A name that meant a lot to me,” I say, clearing my throat. “Riley and her sister showed up at the clinic this afternoon. They found me from a Facebook ad for Doctor Montgomery's clinic.”
“Shit,” he responds, standing up and coming around to where I’m seated, crouching low and taking both of my hands into his. “Are you alright, baby?”
I nod, smiling through my tears. “She’s incredible, Wilder. I moved to Houston to feel closer to her at eighteen-years-old and to go to school, but I never wanted to reach out until she was ready to know about me. I wanted to give her space so that she could bond with her parents without any interference from a woman still trying to figure her own shit out. But Riley’s funny, smart, and creative. And loves animals too. She invited me to come stay with them in Austin so that I can spend more time with her…”
Wilder nods, absorbing the news. “When are you leaving?” My heart squeezes at his words. Because of course, I knew he’d understand the need for me to go without hesitation. He’s a father himself, and Willow is his everything.
“As soon as possible. Preferably, tomorrow. She gave me her mom’s phone number, and I called her. Mrs. Anderson was always supportive and told me I could come meet Riley at any time. They have a spare room and say that I can stay as long as I’d like. I don’t know how long I’ll be there…Wilder, this is a trip without an end date.”
It could be indefinitely.
However,I don’t verbalize that, but the thought has crossed my mind several times since I watched Riley and Rebecca drive away after our lunch together. My heart ached seeing them leave. I’ve waited almost twelve years to meet Riley and I’m so eager to know her more, to watch her laugh and stare into her eyes, to see the parts of her that were mine and the ways that the decision I made was the right one for her and my future.
Wilder’s quiet as he holds my hands, still crouched before me.
“If Mercedes had chosen to make a plan for adoption with Willow, I’m not sure I would have fought her at first. I was only twenty years old at the time, I didn’t know what I wanted out of life, and I wasn't in love. I would have supported her regardless of the decision she made, but knowing Willow now, and the eight years that I would have missed out on.” He swallows a lump in his throat as his jaw clenches. “I can’t imagine not having that time with her. It must have been incredibly painful for you to make the difficult decisions you made. Your ex was a piece of shit to not be there for you through your pregnancy, to not support you through the adoption, and to still, eleven years later, never ask about Riley. You should go be with her, take all the time you need to get to know her. You did an incredibly brave and difficult thing.”
I nod as tear drops fall from my eyes and land on my lap.
"It felt like things were finally moving forward for us, like we were finally ready to be together. Before, it was right person at the wrong time, and now it feels like the right person at the right time, but maybe it's neither? Are we wrong for each other, Wilder? Maybe we're forcing something that's not meant to be," I ask quietly, unable to make eye contact. Every time we get a little closer, something comes between us and pushes us a part. I don't want to say goodbye, but how can we make this work if I move to Austin for good?
Wilder takes my hand and squeezes it tightly. “Look at me. Don’t say that Teagan. Don’t you dare say that. Because if you say that, that means that what we have isn’t right, and there’s nothing wrong with this. Georgia will keep your room open for you if you ever want to return, but we can make this work even if you don’t. It’s only a three-hour drive or a quick flight to Austin. We can make this work.”
