I hated that.
I know I'm almost an adult now, but you lied about feeling like an adult once I turned eighteen.
I'm a year away from that and I have a tough time believing I'm going to feel that much different from how I do right now. I’ll report back.
Write back.
XoXo- Dove
Chapter 12 – Dallas
10 years ago…Dallas is 21; Paloma is 17.
Dear Dove,
Don’t get mad.
I've been reading your letters, and I know that my responses have been shorter and less frequent than you deserve.
There's a reason for that and that reason is going to cause me to stop writing to you all together now, so I apologize in advance.
You were right about everything.
Not sure how it was possible for a teenager to possess so much wisdom, but you do, Dove, and I'm grateful that our paths crossed (via the mail).
My days were bleeding into a monotony of nights spent by the shore, contemplating life and feeling like I was living an empty, meaningless existence. I needed to do something so far out of my comfort zone and the life I’ve had built around me in Los Angeles by my parents and so I did.
I enlisted in the United States Marine Corps a few months ago and just returned from boot camp.
The Marines have the toughest training of all branches, and I wasunable to write during that time, but I thought about you and your letters. When I got back, all of your letters were still waiting at my parents so don't worry, I read them. Several times.
I'm being deployed on my first tour overseas next week, so I won't be able to write to you anymore. I know I should have told you sooner, but I'll admit, I was scared. Scared that I might fail at bootcamp and not make it. And scared that I’d let down the little girl who told me I was a conceited asshole who might suck at something one day. ??
Now that I'm through bootcamp, I'm not scared. I'm confident again. Confident that this is the right thing to do for my country but also, my life.
I may be an adult, but most days I don't feel like one. My life is full of privilege, safety, and comfort. I want, and try, for nothing. This is an opportunity for me to reevaluate who I am and hopefully, come out a stronger mentally and physically, man.
Don't be mad that I won't write anymore. You've helped me in many ways, and I hope that I've helped you in some ways too.
This is a good thing for me and a good thing for you as you move into adulthood and figure out who you are and what you want to do in your life.
So, before I say goodbye, for forever, there are a few last things I want to address.
Stop kissing Henrik. It sounds like he doesn't know what he's doing, and you don't deserve to be his guinea pig. Let him practice with someone else and spare yourself the gross make outs and strep throat. Eventually, you'll find a guy who knows what he's doing, and you'll realize how a kiss is supposed to feel.
You deserve a life pursuing your passions and dreams and it sounds like that's singing for you. If you love rock 'n roll, don't waste your time practice anything else. Be confident and ignore anyone who tells you it won't work out. With the grit and determination that you've shown in your letters, I believe that you will be successful, Dove.
Lastly, though I've enjoyed this pen pal friendship, you deserved it tobe your mom writing you instead. I'm sorry (and not sorry) that your letter found me.
Don't give up on finding her, (if that's something you still want to do). You deserve to know your whole story.
But even if you never meet her, I'm incredibly proud of you (if I'm allowed to say that?). In a big brother kind of way.
Maybe we were meant to cross paths in this strange way to help each other out. You’ve done that for me.
Good luck with your life.
Dallas
