He clears his throat. “My turn. How many relationships have you been in?”
Shaking my head and looking down at my cup, I think about taking a sip of the neon-colored soda. Levi is nonjudgmental, and this isn’t the shittiest question he could’ve asked me. This is also something a close friend would want to know, so time to put on my big-girl pants.
“It’s only ever been Andrew.” At the words, I feel a slight twinge of sadness. Luckily, it isn’t nearly as bad as it was the first couple of weeks of everything happening. Time really does heal all wounds. Memories of regret fill my mind, and somethingcompels me to continue my answer even though I know I don’t have to.
“One of his friends who was in a class with me introduced us during our freshman year. He wasn’t my type. Then again, I didn’t know what my type was. Personality has always mattered more to me.” I grab the water near me and sip, leaning my head against the couch cushion. “At first, I wanted nothing to do with him. He chased me around like a puppy dog and asked me out a few times. Every time I said no. He never pressured me, but the boy was persistent. After I rejected him the second time, Andrew said he would wait until I was ready.” I wave my hand in the air dismissively. “I didn’t understand what he meant at the time, but by the end of the first semester, we became friends. After that, I started to like him.” I sit up, wanting to relieve the pressure from the pent-up anger growing inside me. “I believed that he was this amazing guy who would love me and had the potential to be the person to help me grow out of my shell. We would see new places and do great things.” Shrugging, I take another sip of water as regret fills my veins. “Little did I know he would do the exact opposite.”
Looking at Levi, I find his eyes full of empathy and something akin to anger.
“Was he abusive? Did he ever lay a hand on you?”
I push off the cushions, shaking my head emphatically. Levi looks like he’s about to storm out of the room and hunt Andrew down. “No, he never did anything like that.” Levi lets out a deep, shaky breath. “He was a douche, but he never would’ve done that.” Seeing my roommate open his mouth again, I quickly tap my cup. “My turn.” Enough is enough. He needs to calm down.
He shuts his mouth and dips his chin. Now that he knows even more about my dating history, I need and want to learn more about his. I mean, it’s only fair.
“Have you ever had your heart broken?”
Levi looks at me, his jaw twitching, and lifts the cup slightly off his leg where he’s leaning it against. Disappointment fills me, but it’s his choice whether to respond. I look away, waiting for him to take a sip. I not only answered his question, but expanded on it?—
“Yes. Once.”
My eyes meet his in surprise. I tilt my head, hoping that he’ll explain more. After a beat passes by, he stands, opens the fridge, and brings out a beer.
I try to hide my surprise.Shit’s about to get real.
“If I’m going to tell you this story, I need a real drink.” He waves the bottle opener. “So, if you don’t want me getting tipsy, say the word and I can tell you the story another time.”
I narrow my eyes at him because I now realize that this is more of a challenge. Sure, he’s nervous and is dreading talking about this person, but he’s trying to seehowcurious I am about his past.
The answer iswaytoo curious. I’m too invested and too intrigued to say no. And it’s beer, not shots.
Releasing an exaggerated breath, I point to the fridge. “At least bring me a decent soda while you’re at it.”
One side of his mouth tilts up, and he fishes out a can of blackberry ginger ale. It’s not a common flavor. I brought about two boxes with me when I moved here. It’s comforting and reminds me of home.
Levi hands me the cold can, and I place the Mountain Dew on the side. Meanwhile, he takes the same seat, but keeps his face forward as if he can’t tell me the story while looking me in the eye. He takes a large swig of his beer and starts the tale of his first heartbreak.
Chapter Fourteen
STEVIE
“When I turned fourteen, I didn’t have many friends. There was no hierarchy in my high school, and there was little bullying, but I only had superficial friendships. If I lost one of the few friends I used to hang out with during lunch, it wouldn’t have been a big deal. That was until a new kid arrived. He was from the West Coast, and everyone wanted to be his friend.”
A sad smile appears and disappears just as quickly on Levi’s face. I don’t move a muscle as he continues.
“Zack looked like the typical surfer guy. Light blond hair, pale blue eyes, perfect teeth. Every girl had a crush on him, and everyone was either trying to be his friend or date him. Of course, I noticed him. I thought he was the most beautiful boy I’d ever seen. But I wasn’t out of the closet and was still denying that part of myself, pushing it down and trying to ignore it as much as possible.”
He runs a hand through his dark hair, and I feel sad for fourteen-year-old Levi, who felt like he had to hide who he was.
“Anyway, I didn’t know Zack well and never expected him to notice me. Then one day in science class, we were assigned as labpartners. We clicked instantly and became inseparable. He was my best friend. My attraction to him was already there, and soon I fell in love, but I was terrified of telling him the truth. So, for the next two years, we did what best friends do. We played video games, went out together and in groups, his dad taught me how to fix cars, and we dated other people. Well, he thinks I dated other people, but that wasn’t completely true. He, on the other hand, dated plenty of other girls. My stupid teenage heart would break a little more after every date he went on, and I, as his best friend, knew all of the details. To even out the playing field, I went on one or two dates with girls who weren’t my type and had my second and third kiss, but nothing past that. Not while I was in love with Zack.”
Levi takes a deep breath and chugs the rest of the beer, which is already three-quarters of the way gone. He moves toward the fridge, grabbing another. He doesn’t ask me if I mind or not this time, and that’s how I know that his mind is completely lost in the past, reliving whatever he went through with Zack.
He gets comfortable again, still not facing me. After a swig, Levi picks up where he left off.
“The closer my sixteenth birthday got, the more I began to accept my sexuality and the more comfortable I got with the idea of coming out to my grandma and mom. I knew they would accept me, but I didn’t know if Zack would. I wasn’t sure how he would react, but I couldn’t hide who I was anymore. It was two years of repressed feelings for him, and even though I knew it could fuck up our entire friendship, I was willing to risk it. While I was opening presents in front of my family and Zack, I blurted out that I was bisexual.”
He laughs humorlessly, making me frown.
