How serious is this shit?
“Levi,” Stevie says with a sigh.
I turn around without hesitation. “Yeah?”
She shuffles and moves to one side of the couch. “Want to sit next to me while I tell you what this is?” She motions to the bottles.
Trying not to give her another uncomfortable reaction, I nod and move to the sofa.
She takes a deep breath. No signs of awkwardness or tension in her body. It’s as if she’s used to telling whatever story she’s about to tell.
Stevie clears her throat and smiles reassuringly. “About eight months ago, I had my first seizure…”
STEVIE
Levi’s dark blue eyes widen briefly before returning to normal. He nods and runs a hand through his hair, trying to digest the information I know he’s been waiting for. Moving his hand through his hair seems to be a nervous tell of his. His bicep flexes again, just as it did yesterday. It’s obvious even through his long-sleeved navy shirt.
Questioning as to why the shit I’m paying so close attention to his bicep, I go back to thinking about the subject at hand.
There’s still a lot to tell, but tonight isn’t the night for the whole story. It wasn’t a great day, and I’ve been feeling more tired than usual. Ever since the breakup, which has added to the stress, one of my multiple triggers, most days haven’t been great. I feel fatigued a lot of the time, but every day seems to get less tiresome, and I haven’t had to use my emergency medication again. My breathing exercises and weak attempts at meditation have controlled the rest of my seizures.
Seriously, though, what is up with me not being able to clear my mind? I’ve gone to classes and nothing.NADA.
It’s also been a few weeks since I found out about Andrew and Tiffany. I’ve tried telling myself that this slow and gruesome process is normal, and unfortunately, for most people with epilepsy, stress and lack of sleep are common triggers. The onlyfew who know all the details are, of course, my moms, my dad, who’s in Spain, and my best and practically only friend, Jenny, who, unfortunately for me, goes to college in Georgia.
Knowing Levi is waiting for more information, I continue the tale I’ve had to tell multiple doctors, friends, strangers, and family members. It’s a speech I know by heart.
“I was diagnosed with epilepsy after I had a second grand mal seizure in the hospital right after my first one last spring.” Waving my hands around, I explain a little more about the medical topic most people I’ve met don’t know about. “A grand mal seizure is the type of seizure you see in movies where the person passes out. Mine aren’t usually like that. After finding the right medications, which took a while, they became a lot more controlled and focused on one side of my body. Those are called focal seizures. They tend to happen when I’m stressed, haven’t slept much for multiple days, am extremely dehydrated, or haven’t eaten anything for a long, long time. Oh, and strobe lights don’t affect me.”
Levi nods again, no pity in his eyes, which is a relief. There’s nothing I hate more than people pitying me. Of course, it’s been an arduous journey, and I’m still learning how to live with it, but that doesn’t mean I want people to treat me like a porcelain doll. Most of them know very little when it comes to epilepsy and how diverse it is when the condition itself is so common. Three million people in the US have it. Three. Million.
Now, of course, I was within the group of people who didn’t know crap about the condition until last summer, and I never blame anyone who doesn’t know about the subject because it isn’t their fault, like it wasn’t mine.
Shrugging, I finish my memorized speech.
“There’s a lot more to the story, but I won’t bore you with the details. The important thing is that they are well-controlled. I have my emergency medication if I feel any strong auras comingon, and if I happen to have a seizure in front of you, call 911. They probably won’t do much if it’s under five minutes. Either way, it’s better to be safe than sorry.” I shrug and smile at the relief of getting that off my chest.
He tilts his head for a moment. “I’m sorry, what are auras?”
So much for having the speech memorized. I slap my hand to my forehead. “Right, duh, my fault for not explaining. They’re the symptoms I feel before a seizure comes. Again, normally they’re focal, so I’m fully aware of my surroundings. Not everyone has auras either. I consider myself lucky to have them and to have found the right medications in a matter of months.”
Okay, now I’m done. Levi knows enough for the time being. I don’t necessarily mind talking about this, it just gets tiresome. He doesn’t need to know that last summer was the toughest three months of my life, or that I wasn’t here for my first semester of senior year with all my friends. He doesn’t need to know that I won’t be graduating until next year because I have to take twelve credits instead of fifteen or eighteen to reduce my stress. And he definitely does not need to know about my libido problems.
I wanted him to get to know me the tiniest bit longer without epilepsy being involved. I would rather it not define me, and some people do associate me with my condition and my condition alone. It’s few and far between, but it’s blatantly obvious when it happens.
Levi stares at me for a while, observing me before smiling slightly.
That’s new.
He relaxes on the couch. “Thanks for telling me, Stevie.”
Wow, no more questions or assuring me how hard that must’ve been. A normal “thanks.” It makes me like him more than I already did. It also helps that I saw him carrying two guitar cases. He mentioned that he was majoring in educationand music, but this goes to show how seriously he takes his art. We might have music in common, but we have plenty of time to get to know each other.
Lying back on the couch like he is, I look at the coffee table where I was organizing my pills for the week. Normally, I’d do it in my room, but I needed to get off my bed and get comfortable around our apartment.
“You’re welcome,” I say, laying my head back, watching Lorelai and Rory celebrating her birthday in Stars Hollow. A small town that reminds me a lot of this one.
A while passes before Levi laughs, catching my attention, the same deep laugh from yesterday morning. I hadn’t noticed he was still here, and I realize he’s watching the show as intently as I am.
