I shake my head. “I don’t know.”
He looks down and I get ready for him to yell at me, demand a date, something, anything. Instead, he surprises me by unclenching his jaw and begins to step away, still facing me.
“Fine. See you in class tomorrow.”
After he’s out of sight, my body relaxes. What just happened? He didn’t fight back, he respected my decision. Bringing my hands to my face, I notice the marks my nails left behind while I was trying to control my emotions.
I hate that my past with men still seems to have this effect on me. Cameron would never physically hurt me, I know that, but I can’t help the involuntary nervousness whenever I have these types of conversations with guys that aren’t just friends.
None of that matters right now, though. What matters is that I did what was best for us, what was best for me…I think.
No, I’m right. This is what’s best. We’ll go back to not talking outside of class, and we can see other people.
He’s going to see other people.
Shit.
No, Kamila, none of that bullshit. Not for Cameron Kahlo.
This is what’s best.I keep repeating what seems to be my new mantra until I reach my dorm and mindlessly change into my workout clothes before doing some class readings.
The front door opens, revealing Emma. She’s smiling, but it drops the second she sees my face. No tears have fallen, they’re not necessary, but somehow, Em still knows. I guess the disappointment is evident.
“Was it him or you?”
“I think you already know.”
We’ve been through similar situations, and the answer is always the same.
She nods. “I’ll go to your class tonight and dance with you upfront. Just know that I might fall on my face in the process. Then we can come back, watch a scary movie, and eat loads of junk.”
I laugh. “Sounds perfect.”
This is what’s best, I repeat to myself once again.
Then why is that seed of doubt still there?
My text ringtone sounds.
Unknown: Ok. I can take a hint. See you soon, Kami ;) -David.
Chapter Thirty-One
CAMERON
This is bullshit. Kamila has barely spoken to me during our class. In her defense, I haven’t said much either. I’ve also been very curt, can she blame me, though?
Yesterday’s conversation did not go the way I expected it to. I don’t know exactly what I was expecting, but it wasn’t her needing a break. The worst part is that I understand why she needs space. I know how she’s feeling. I know that her guilt runs deep as well as her fears. What I don’t think she knows is how to handle it properly.
“You’re dismissed. I will see you on Tuesday before Thanksgiving break.”
Class is over already?
Kamila and I split up the questions for our class work. It’s been hard not to look at her. She’s wearing one of those tight skirts that makes me want to drag her into a room and ruin that red lipstick with my mouth and cock.
I’ll never understand how this woman can wear a skirt at the start of winter in upstate New York, and I usually don’t mind it. Except that today, I do. She isn’t mine anymore. Meaning she can see and or sleep with whomever she wants. The thought makes me want to rip my own hair out. I decided to respect herdecision because the second I thought she was ending things for good, it felt as though a bucket of ice water was poured over me.
Fuck, when did I start feeling this way about her? This situation is so much more complicated than solving it with a quick conversation. The core problem involves other people, other loved ones and there is an extreme lack of trust between us, that no matter what I say, I doubt she’d believe me. This isn’t the time to try and solve this. I can’t go down this rabbit hole until she makes up her mind about what our next steps are. There is no solving anything without her. In fact, she needs to be the one who decides when to have the conversation we’ve been avoiding.
