Cameron starts to shut the door, and I intercept it by jamming my foot before it’s able to. “Cameron, wait.” He looks at me skeptically. “Guys, go, I’ll be fine. He won’t hurt me.”
“Kami, no, not?—”
“Levi, trust me, please.” His jaw ticks, giving me a curt nod. “He said five minutes, if I’m not back in ten, just knock, okay?” I whisper to them.
“Okay,” they say in unison. Both of them make their way down the hall. I look back at Cameron, and he opens the door wider so that I can come in. When I step into his room, I notice that he doesn’t have a roommate. It's a spacious room with two twin-sized beds pushed together, making a king-sized bed. There’s a blue comforter and standard white pillows. Then, a desk with a chair, a closet, and a mini-fridge. It looks like every other guy’s room I’ve seen on campus, but neater.
Cameron sits while doing something on his phone. “Your five minutes start, now.” He taps his wrist and crosses his arms over his chest.
He’s timing me.He’s actually timing me.What an asshole.
Time to put on the performance of a lifetime. Deep breath in and out.
“Cameron, I am so sorry for hitting you. I don’t know whatthe hell came over me. I was frustrated and had all this pent-up anger from shit that happened years ago. There’s no good excuse. It was immature and stupid. I should’ve never resorted to violence.”
Oddly enough, I do mean it. I should’ve yelled at him or picked a fight, not hit him square in the face. No matter how long I’ve wanted to.
His face remains stoic. I hate myself for what I’m about to do, but it’s necessary. “Please don’t report me,” I beg, trying my hardest not to grit my teeth. “I’m not sure if you already have, but if you haven’t, please don’t. My dreams from high school haven’t changed. You know we used to talk about going to Driscoll together?—”
“No. You’re not allowed to do that.” His eyes darken, and I take a step back. Flashbacks of David pour in before I do a quick breathing technique I learned from my therapist.
“Do what?” I breathe.
“You can’t bring up our old conversations to gain sympathy points. We were completely different people back then, in a completely different situation.” He grinds his teeth.
My heartbeat quickens, and I have to keep reminding myself that he isn’t David.
“You’re right. We were different people. We are different people.” I shift my eyes downwards, still trying to calm my small heart.
He’s not David. You know how to protect yourself now. You’re fine, he’s not here.
We remain silent. I’m staring at the ground while Cameron is looking directly at me. He’s going to report me, I know it, or he already has. Tears collect behind my eyes, but I don’t allow them to fall.
“Look, I don't know what else to say. Can you just tell me if you’ve told anyone or are going to so it doesn't catch me by surprise?”
More silence. I finally look up and see his head tilted. He’strying to get a read on me, like the first day we met. Except now, I find no feeling of comfort or safety in his eyes.
“That was the worst apology I’ve ever heard,” he says flatly.
My shoulders fall in defeat because some of the things I said, I meant.
“I didn’t report you, Kamila.” His confession allows me a moment of relief. “The nurse thinks that I ran into a pole while I was texting.”
“Thank you,” I whisper sincerely.
He lifts himself from the chair and saunters to me till our bodies are a couple of inches apart. My smile fades at the sudden change of air in the room. He tips my chin and looks me in the eye. His expression is unreadable. We stay in that position for what feels like forever, just staring. The only sounds in the room are of us breathing slowly and deeply.
What is this feeling? Nerves? Anger? Nostalgia? Resentment? All of the above?
“I’m not going to report you, Kamila.” His voice is the deepest I’ve ever heard it to be. “It’s not because I still care about you.” His lips turn upwards. “I’m simply a better person than you are.” Anger. This is definitely anger. I narrow my eyes. “In truth, you’re punishing yourself enough as it is.”
“And how exactly am I doing that?” We still haven’t moved, and I’m doing everything in my power to hold myself back from exploding.
He puts his mouth right next to my ear, and I suck in a breath.
“You’re turning into your sister.”
“Leave my sister out of this.” I shove him away.
