Shit. Shit. Shit. This can’t be happening.
I’m frozen to the spot, not knowing what to do. Fight or flight? Fight or flight?
“What’s wrong?” Cameron’s friends ask. I point to the scene of the crime, not being able to form a coherent sentence.
“Oh shit,” her boyfriend whispers, genuinely surprised.
“I heard they’ve been making out for over five minutes now,” someone else says.
My heart cracks for my sister, for her soon to be broken one and for me, but my feelings should be the least of my concerns right now. I scan the beach again when a small gasp comes from somewhere behind me.
Ana is standing there covering her mouth with both hands while tears start to form behind her eyes.
“Why the hell is he doing this today and in front of everybody? It’s like he’s trying to ruin everyone’s night,” a girl quietly voices.
Enough of these whispers. I run towards my sister. “Ana, did you know about this?”
She can’t seem to take her eyes off Cameron but manages to shake her head.
“What do you want to do? I can drive us home right now.”
She looks at me, her expression unreadable. “Take me home. Now,” she says with a raspy voice as though she’s been screaming and crying for hours.
We sprint towards the car, flip flops in hand. Ana remains quiet for the first ten minutes of the drive, the only sound in the car being the voice of the GPS on my phone. I don’t say or ask anything, wanting her to break the silence first.
She grabs her phone and connects the Bluetooth. I catch a glimpse of her screen where she has a playlist queued up titled F*CK EVERYONE.
Sounds perfect.
Before she hits play on a song, she whispers, “Pull over, Kami, please.”
Luckily, we’re not on the highway yet so I’m able to do as she requests. My first thought is that she’s going to throw up, instead, she takes my hands and looks me right in the eye.
“I need you—” her voice cracks while tears roll down her face. “I need you to block him on everything. I never want to hear from him again. I don’t want anyone in our family to be associated with him, he doesn’t deserve us.”
When I hesitate, she begins to sob and hugs me. So many questionsfloat through my mind, but they can wait. I gently pull her off me and start blocking all his social media accounts in front of her, including any new ones that could be associated with them, his email, and finally, his number. I hold back my own tears. Ana needs me. I need to keep it together for just a little while longer.
“Thank you, Kamila. I love you.” Ana wipes her eyes and grabs her phone again.
“Gemini Feed” by Banks blasts through the car speakers, the lyrics delivering my sister's sentiments.
It isn’t until an hour and a half later, that we’re finally home when Ana and I go our separate ways after she denied my offer to have a sleepover like we used to.
Changing out of my clothes and getting into bed, I finally allow myself to fall apart. My pillow muffles my loud sobs. I lost my best friend. Someone who I thought was my platonic soulmate. Someone I trusted with my life. Someone I have a matching fucking tattoo with.
He betrayed my family, my own blood. And he broke the first and biggest promise he ever made to me. The first that led to many others.
It’s like a domino effect. If you break a fundamental promise, one that proves a person worthy of your trust, all others fall along with it. None of the newer promises matter if the one that built the very foundation of your relationship shatters.
After what feels like hours, I’ve used up all my tears for the night, and the sadness slowly starts to fade. Anger creeps in, along with disgust and hatred towards my biggest confidant.
As I feel my heart hardening, a wave of peacefulness washes over me. The same feeling allows me to fall asleep. I realize then that anger is much easier to deal with than a broken heart. And closing myself off, at least for a little while, will help me get through this.
This will make me stronger.
One day, I’ll stop being angry and let it go. It won’t be today or tomorrow, but someday.
And I’m okay with that.
