***
I wasn’t.
The next morning, I rose before the sun and made it to the rock before it completed its ascent into the sky. I waited there, sitting on the stone and reaching for the dark as always. And just like all the times before, it was as elusive and impossible to find as ever.
“You expect to grasp true power by sitting still on a rock?” an irritable drawl sounded from behind me.
I sighed. If my eyes weren’t closed I would have rolled them as I clenched my jaw and prepared to face my unwilling instructor.
“Should I be jumping around and losing my concentration instead?” I asked in return, arching a brow as I opened my eyes to meet his gaze.
Gryfonstood a few paces away from me on the sand beneath the rock. His enormous height had him nearly looking me in the eyes even from the ground. The sun shone in his silver hair, illuminating his golden skin and deep blue eyes in a way I hadn’t taken the time to notice before.
I grumbled at the unfairness of it all, certain that after all the time spent in the gritty sand and unnatural heat of the desert I more closely resembled the mangy desert mice than a person. Meanwhile,Gryfon still shone like a god walkingamongstmen. Despite his sour attitude and stormy disposition.
“Why do you need to concentrate?” he asked then, drawing me out of my thoughts.
For a moment, I simply blinked at him, wondering if I'd heard him correctly.
“Excuse me?” I replied, caught off guard.
“Why do you need to concentrate to access the dark?” he repeated, obviously annoyed at having to do so. “Were youconcentrating when you blasted a hole in the wards surrounding the Underground? Were you concentrating when you saved yourself and your partner from the avalanche of the ninth Trial?”
I stared at him.
“What do you—”
“Accessing the dark is not about concentration,” he interrupted, turning and stalking away from me so I was left with no choice but to follow.
Cursing, I scrambled down the rock and hurried after him.
“How would you know?” I called out. “Seeing as I’m apparently the only one who can do it.”
“You aren’t theonlyone,” he snapped, whirling to face me. “You’re the only one who has the magic in such a capacity, such a quantity. But you're not the only one who can access it at all.”
I stopped, stunned for the first time. The way they'd spoken to me before, the way they'd told me the story, made it seem like I was the only one, their salvation. To know I wasn’t alone made a difference in some small way.
“You can access it then?” I asked, breathless with hope, anticipation.
“Not me,” he replied curtly, mouth set in a grim line.
My hope shattered, smile faltered, and shoulders fell in an instant.
“Then why wouldPrimasay you were the one who should teach me?” I asked, confused. “If there are others capable of accessing the dark and you can't, then surely—”
“We don't make a habit of revealing the identities of those who can call the dark,” he growled. “Given the danger to your own safety, I'd hoped you might understand that.”
“But if they can help,” I started. “If they can fight theGeist with usor at least help me learn how—”
“They'll be informed of your arrival. They'll know what it means and they'll make their choice. Some will choose to fight. Some will choose to continue leading the comfortable existence they’ve managed to carve out for themselves during their lifetime. We're not theGeist, Adrian. We don't force anyone to fight for us.”
“Except me,” I grumbled bitterly. “Right?”
His gaze narrowed and he took a threatening step toward me. I resisted the urge to step away, choosing to raise my chin in defiance instead.
“You have a choice,” he told me. “You can choose to turn around and walk back to the Underground any time you want. You can even try to break back into Sanctuary. Gods know I won’t stop you. Even though I knowPrimaand the others would want me to. But you would be choosing to die and you know it. If theGeistdidn’t find and kill you, the desert would. And even if you made it all the way back, what would you do? Tell everyone the truth and start a holy war? You think the leaders of Sanctuary will give up their power and admit they were wrong just because their gods turned out to be monsters, that is if they even believed you? You'd start a war. You’d doom your friends and family, anyone you care about, to an early death. But you know that too. So yes, Adrian, you have a choice.Wehave given you a choice. But sometimes a choice given isn’t really a choice at all, is it?”
His voice had dropped to levels that seemed nearly dangerous. And I knew he was right, knew every word he said was true, but I refused to admit it. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. So instead, I merely crossed my arms and glared right back at him.
