His temper was noticeable but didn’t seem to discourage any of his warriors who merely grinned back at him and shook their heads at one another as if such a constant state of irritation was more attuned to their commander’s personality than anything before had been.
I walked with the others as we traveled, helped set up the tents and fire pits at every stop, and then wandered off to the flattestrock I could find on the outskirts of the camp. I sat upon it until my skin burned in the hot desert sun, until my throat was so dry it became raw and my lips stuck together when I tried to pull them apart. Only then would I return to camp, having failed once more in my effort to call the darkness I'd found within me only twice before.
My failure was making me irritable and the discomfort of life in a roving camp of strangers was setting me on edge.Zya noticed and was wise enough to give me my space. She only dared speak to me while we traversed the endless sands and even then she spoke mostly ofGryfon’s visits to our tent at night, when everyone else in the camp was sleeping, and his continued lessons with our little group. I would nod at the report, pleased he was continuing their training despite my failure, but say nothing more on the subject.
Truthfully, I hadn’t spoken a word to the commander of the procession since he'd refused to train me alongside my friends. I wasn’t avoiding him. I just saw no reason to interact if he wasn’t going to assist me in any way, no reason to remain within the tent, watching everyone else learn to wield the weapons he brought with him for the training, but unable to participate myself. So I sat upon the rock and tried to call the dark instead. Even though I always failed.
Eight days after Rainier’s visit, I stood near the metalworker’s tent on the edge of camp, drinking heavily from the canteen I'd stored in its shade before my visit to the rock. Night was falling which meant dinner would be available soon. I would eat with the others before returning to the rock and my failed meditation.
“Anything?” a familiar voice asked.
I glanced up to see Roxy walking my way, grinning broadly with a freshly hammeredaxeswung over her shoulders.
“No,” I grumbled, splashing some of the water on my heated face.
“You’ll get it, Adrian,” she assured me, her voice softening.
I frowned. I didn’t want her pity.
“I sincerely doubt I will,” I replied. “Or that it even matters.”
Roxy’s smile faltered but she got it back a moment later, even if it did appear to be slightly more forced than before.
“You should come to training tonight,” she said. “It might help to get your mind off things for a while.”
I hesitated. I hadn’t told any of them about the deal I’d struck withGryfonto get him to train them. They knew I was attempting to call the dark. They knew what a massive failure the endeavor had been. But they didn’t know the warrior refused to train me in any real weaponry until I'd mastered the magic. I didn’t want them to. I had a suspicion they would become far more involved in my attempts if they did and that wasn’t something I wanted. If this power within me could blow through ancient wards and shatter apart protections that had stood for thousands of years, I didn’t want my friends anywhere near me when I attempted to call it.
“We’ll see,” I muttered, shrugging as I put the cap back on my canteen.
At that moment,Gryfon passed by on his way to speak with a few of the warriors standing on the opposite side of the metalworkers’ tent. I couldn’t help but glare after him. Roxy watched as well but hers was more an expression of wonder than fury.
“I’m with Darius but I’m not blind,” Roxy said, blowing out a puff of air as she grinned conspiratorially over at me. “That man is hot.”
“He’s an asshole,” I debated.
“The hot ones always are.”
Then she shot me a wink and returned to the metalworkers. Even I couldn’t help but snort as I shook my head, slung thecanteen in the loop at my waist, and headed off to where dinner was being prepared.
That evening, I sat myself back on the rock, night having fallen all around me, and closed my eyes. I always got closer at night, as though the darkness inside me was calling out to the darkness of the world beyond. But it was still as if there was some sort of wall between my consciousness and the power I knew rested somewhere inside. It was locked away from me, unattainable. If I was being honest, I wasn’t sure I truly cared to reach it. Perhaps that uncertainty was what kept me from the power. Maybe my lack of conviction led to efforts which were morehalf-assedthan I realized. I didn’t really care.
I felt a shift in the wind an hour into my meditation and heard the unmistakable scrape of stone as someone settled in next to me. I tensed. It was the first time anyone had dared to join me out here.
“Why aren’t you training?” I asked into the silence of the night.
“I overheard one of the cooks speaking today,”Zyaanswered from beside me, her voice low even though we were the only ones around. “They were talking about the hole you blew in the side of the Underground. They said you could be the way back.”
“Back?”
Zyatook a deep breath. The air grew heavy between us as she considered whether or not to tell me whatever it was she'd come out here to say.
“To Sanctuary, Adrian,” she whispered a moment later.
My eyes snapped open as I turned to face her.
“To Sanctuary,” I repeated, stunned. “Why should any of these people want to get into Sanctuary?”
“I don’t know but they don’t have to,”Zyaargued and I saw the sparkle in her eyes as she gazed at me. “Wecould. We could goback,Adrian. We could go home. I could see my sister again. You could see your brothers, your mom.”
