“I know it was your first trip out and it went to shit. None of us has faced anything like that. Losing aGeist…”
“I’m fine.”
I didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to remember the sight of the arrow protruding from the neck of the human boy with a loving mother, proud brother, and dogged mentor. I didn’t want to think about my fellow warrior who'd deserted us or the ferocity with which CaptainValinhad fought the riders or the way it had felt to watch a god die. And now, to know the truth about theGeist, it was almost more than I could bear. Knowing those men,thesemen, had given and were giving their lives to a cause they knew nothing about was simply too much. Even Castor, standing before me as strong and solid as ever, had been lied to and didn’t even know it.
My jaw clenched and I tried to step past him.
“Don’t let the anger eat away at you,” Castor grunted, slamming a fist into my shoulder to hold me at bay. “If you need to talk to somebody, talk. If you need to drink, drink. If you need to hit something, hit me. But don't walk away from this without facing it, Viper. You’ll never be the same if you do.”
It wasn’t bad advice, but I pushed him aside anyway.
In an army camp within the city ofPavos, there weren’t many places one could be alone and that was all I desired at the moment. Some peace and quiet to sort through my thoughts and gain a deeper understanding of the possible implications of everything I'd been told. I needed time to make some decisions, to determine if I was even in a position to be able to make those decisions. Adrian was still out there, somewhere.Kleioknew where. Someone needed to warn her of the danger she was in. Was I that someone? Did I deserve to be? Did I even want to be?
I'd faced theZver, the physical embodiment of what theGeistcalled the Darkness, and I'd barely survived the encounter each time. The beasts were wild and violent. Theytore out throats with their venomous fangs, they clawed through flesh as easily as one might tear through cloth, and they hunted anyone who dared to pass through the perimeter ofPavos. They'd tried to kill me. Theyhadkilled the humans and theGeistI'd been traveling with. And whatever power was within them was within Adrian as well.
It was almost impossible to believe. And yet, that’s whatKleiohad been freed from prison after hundreds of years to find out, that's what kept Deimos and his council suspicious of me and my very presence here. Did I have any right to volunteer my assistance, my protection, to a power the gods themselves feared? Did I have any right to risk releasing an evil so great it had sent near-deities scrambling out of another world into this one?Kleio’swords came back to me, hauntingly familiar.
You know Adrian, Dante. Better than anyone else in the world. Doyouthink she’s evil?
I didn't. I'd known the answer right away, the moment he'd asked the question, but now, having had the time to truly consider it, I was even more certain of my answer. Sure, she was brash and belligerent and had no issue being blasphemous if the mood struck her. But she wasn’t evil. She'd joined the Trials because of a promise she'd made her Culled best friend. She'd stayed in them to raise the status of her family. She'd risked everything to save her brother and the accused murderer he harbored. She'd promised away her future to save me from mine. And she fought. Every damn step of the way, she'd fought for both of us, for Sanctuary.
If I compared that to the actions of theGeist, the way they deified themselves, the way they Culled whoever they deemed too much of a threat with no regard for their friends and families, the way they were content to watch us nip and snatch at each other’s throats and simply gazed at it all with some dark amusement, it was hard to convince myself that, when it came togood and evil, my gods were on the side of good. Not if it meant Adrian was evil. It simply didn't make sense.
“Viper,” someone said.
I glanced up to find Valin walking toward me.
I frowned, considering turning away from him. I wasn’t in the mood to be remonstrated by Castor and I certainly wasn’t in the mood to be scolded by my Captain either. But I couldn’t ignore him. For his station, for his reputation, it wouldn’t go well for me if I did. And I hadKleio’ssecrets to keep now. I couldn’t draw attention to myself if I wanted to get away with what I knew.
“Castor said you left your training early,” he spoke, his tone accusatory as he approached.
“I needed a break,” I informed him, though I knew such a statement wasn’t acceptable here. “I didn’t sleep much last night withKleio’slessons and I couldn’t focus on sparring.”
Valinfrowned at my weak excuse. I couldn’t find it in me to care.
“You won’t become my Third like this,” he informed me, his tone the grave threat of a superior threatening a demotion.
I nodded absently, trying to appear as though such a thing still mattered to me.Valinwas too shrewd to fool. His brow wrinkled and he stepped closer, snatching me by the collar and dragging me toward a door nearby at the base of a watchtower.
“What are you doing?” I shouted, but he didn’t say a word as he pulled me into the dim light of the tower and up the stone steps.
His jaw was clenched furiously as he shoved open the door at the top and pushed me through. I stumbled slightly, nearly pitching over the edge before righting myself at the last minute. My eyes widened as I stared out at the expanse of desert below me. I couldn’t help it. I flinched away from the sight as though, if I squinted, I could make out the blood-stained sand where agod and his small squadron had made a stand against creatures of corruption.
“Tell me,” Valin snapped.
I whirled back to face him where he stood a few feet before the door he'd shoved me through, arms crossed upon his broad chest.
“Tell me what’s gotten into you, boy," he practically snarled. "Before I have you removed from duty and sent to scrubbing the latrines.”
I almost scoffed at the absurdity of such a threat. Removed from duty, as if that were a punishment.Valinnoticed my dark mood and his gaze narrowed.
“Out with it,” he commanded, more threatening than I'd ever heard him.
“What’s the point?” I spat.
Valinblinked at me, the only indication of his surprise.
“Going out there just to die,” I explained, gesturing to the rolling desert beyond. “For what? We’re safe here within the walls. What’s even out there to scout? Why leave? Why risk ourselves like that?”
