His eyes went wide. He shook his head and stepped back from me as ifIhad become something to fear. I'd never seen that expression on Darius' face before. I'd never seen him so scared. Even when he woke up, hungover after a night of drinking all the excess wine the House of Valin's guests left over, to find a black bar had solidified in the center of his forehead. Even when he'd discovered he was being Culled, when we'd walked all the way to the twelfth arch together, when he'd witnessed that strange ceremony and watched members of our society crossover to the gods and disappear forever. He hadn't seemed nearly as frightened then. So why was he so scared now?
My head cocked to the side, brows furrowed.
"Darius," I said firmly, trying to imbue him with some courage of my own. Home was nothing to fear.
“Wecan’t, Adrian,” he told me, pleading. “We can’t leave. We’re not meant to. No one ever has.”
Not meant to…something within me reared back at the words. Something inside my very soul raged and snarled against the idea of being told, yet again, what Icouldn'tdo, what I wasn'tmeantto do.
"No one had passed all ten Trials in a thousand years either," I replied, gritting my teeth hard to keep the bite from my tone.
He just stared at me, seemingly stunned by my attitude about the matter, my determination to return home. His shock, compounded with that rising thing inside of me, triggered a fury I hadn't known I'd been harboring.
“Did you even try?” I snapped, irritated with his hesitation, in wonder at how this was even a debate for him. I'd presented him with an option, with a chance to go home, and he was balking. He was turning away. “When they Culled you and brought you here, did you ever even try to get back to us? Or did you just lie down in defeat and accept the fate they told you you must?”
His lip quivered but he held firm as he spoke again.
“There was no way,” he told me.
“I’mtellingyou there’s a way,” I shouted at him. “I’m telling you right now there’s a way out, a way back. And you’re…hesitating.”
“I’ve built a life here.”
“You have a life there! Your parents, Darius. Your sister. Me. Do we mean less to you than what you have here?”
He was quiet for a moment and that silence broke me more than anything had between us so far.
“We can’t, Adrian,” he whispered, eyes moistening with the beginnings of tears.
I stared at them. Darius didn't cry. I didn't think I'deverseen Darius cry. Darius was the happy one. The one who turned every negative into a positive. The one who cracked jokes to alleviate the discomfort in a room. The steady shoulder I could cry on when the wretchedness of Sanctuary got too much to bear. But he'd never been this. I hardly recognized the sniveling, whimpering man who stood before me.
“They won’t let you go. They won’t—”
But I'd stopped listening to his excuses. I turned on my heel and stormed from my apartment, already making my way through the sea of people returning from their evening shifts to the elevators beyond.
I walked with a heavier step than I intended, fuming in the wake of Darius’ cowardice. Messengers and priests practically leapt out of my way as I passed, watching me with wide eyes as I stormed by them in my fury. I paid them no mind at all, heart breaking once again by yet another betrayal.
Darius had been my best friend for the majority of my life. I'd spent months mourning him when he'd gotten Culled. In truth, I’d never truly gotten over the grief of losing him. And then to find out he’d never even tried to reach me, had nevereven attempted to return home to the people who loved him, to the people who mourned him. He'd given up on me even when I hadn’t given up on him, despite believing him dead. Our friendship hadn’t meant enough for him to try. That hurt more than I allowed myself to admit.
Tears were streaming down my cheeks by the time I made it to the ninth level and stepped off of the elevator I'd gotten into alone. I'd hoped Darius would choose to come with me, that we could return to Sanctuary together, that everything could be as it once was. I hadn’t expected him to deny me. I knew it would have been hard for him to leave behind Roxy. I was prepared to invite her along. But he hadn’t even entertained the possibility of going home, hadn’t even considered it. Not for a moment. I'd never expected that.
I reached the place where the tunnel had caved in, where I'd spent the last three days clearing rubble with the miners and other Fallen. I took a moment to stare into the darkness, adjusting my enhanced senses so I could see even without the light to guide me. Then I took a deep, shuddering breath, wiped away my tears, and stepped into the tunnel on the other side.
I walked for some time in the dark. It was impossible to tell how long. Just as it had been in that spiraling void Dante had pushed me into, it was impossible to tell how much time had passed. I'd hesitated for a moment, upon entering the dark, at the reminder of that void, that falling, that surety that I was going to die and there was nothing I could do but wait for my own death. But then I shook my head and, steeling myself, kept walking. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time, I made my way down that tunnel.
Eventually, it came to a dead end, splitting off on either side. One would take me to Sanctuary, to the eighth tunnel where I wondered if the Finnegan brothers were selling their illegal liquor at another Lower Ringer party. I smiled to myself atthe thought, homesickness washing over me in a wave so great I hardly thought about the decision as I turned left and kept walking.
I tried not to think about Darius. I tried not to think about Dante or the Trials or the questions I would have to answer once I returned. I kept my focus ahead, watching where I stepped in the dark as I made my way, painstakingly slowly, toward home. I thought only of my mother’s scent, the way I knew she would hug me when she saw me again, both of us falling to our knees in a tear-stained embrace. I thought of my brothers, how Warren would joke that I needed to stop with all the surprises, how Maurice might even smile. It kept me going, the thought of seeing them all again.
Then I saw it. The literal light at the end of the tunnel.
After so long in the dark, my senses still enhanced, I hissed against it, raising a hand to shield my eyes as I looked away. But after blinking a few times to clear my vision, I turned back and saw it; Sanctuary.
It was exactly how I remembered it. Of course, it should be. It had only been a little over two weeks since I'd left.
The eighth opened onto a dark, unused portion of the Deck. Some unstable, ramshackle houses leaned up against the inner portion of the walls, a fewDeckerswalking idly by. The Finnegan brothers’ storehouse was visible. A metal and wooden lean to that barely concealed the casks and barrels hidden beneath.
Then I was running, my feet slapping against the stone below as they carried me toward the light, toward home. I cried out, an exhalation of pure exhilaration as I stumbled over a loose stone and nearly careened into the wall beside me. But I righted myself at the last second and burst toward the tunnel opening. I felt the sun on my face for the first time in months, smelled the familiar scent of excrement and the unwashed poor,heardLiamFinnegan calling out to his brother. And then I blinked.
