Chapter thirteen
A Breath of Fresh Air
Ittookanotherweekbefore Cass was satisfied that I could be trusted wandering about the grounds of the palace myself without being snatched up by some sadistic Fae. It helped that the Queen had formally introduced us all as her honored guests at a holy feast just three nights prior. That had been the last time I’d seen Lark and the first time in weeks before. He had looked resplendent in his deepest black as always, looking bored at his place beside the Queen as he swirled the wine around his glass and spoke to her in low tones.
I had tried not to watch them and failed.
But now I was going on a walk through their sacred garden, needing to get out of the room for some fresh air and to escape the tedious loneliness of our room now that Cass was off on some errand that Lark had tasked her with.
So I was in a particularly foul mood that afternoon as I stared up at a statue of one of their saints, arms crossed, glaring at her and the way she reached out as if to save all lost souls.
“I was wondering where you’d gotten to.”
His voice froze me to the spot. I dug my nails into my arms where they were and bit my lip hard to keep from saying something I might regret, trying to remind myself that I had no reason to be angry with him, not really.
“I went to your room but you weren’t there,” Lark added when I didn’t respond.
I kept my gaze firmly on the statue as I replied.
“Isn’t that against the rules?” I asked.
“Princes can afford to break a few rules from time to time.”
He had meant it as a joke, a lighthearted mention of his status here and how ridiculous these hypocritical rules were. But I just huffed, shaking my head so that the soft waves of my honey blonde hair bounced around my shoulders. He walked around until he could see my face and took a moment to observe me, taking in my obvious irritation, my closed off body language. His eyes flicked down to where my nails were digging into the skin of my arm and back to my eyes. I tried to ignore the intensity of his observation but it only heightened my irritation until I was gritting my teeth at the audacity of it.
“You’re angry with me,” he said simply.
“No,” I replied, shaking my head and turning away. “No, I’m not.”
I strode off, needing to put some space between us, needing some distance to cool my temper. Why was I even so upset with him? Because I hadn’t seen him in three weeks? As if he owed me constant attention or even an explanation for his absence? I sighed.
“You are,” he persisted, watching me warily. “Why?”
It was a fair question but one I did not have a satisfactory answer for. Anything my mind brought up as a potential response sounded pathetic or desperate or both. Because why was I angry? Because he left me. Because he brought me all the way here, all the way to the Immortal Plane and then to this strange, beautiful court, only to abandon me entirely. Because he was infuriatingly difficult to puzzle out. Because one moment he would stare deeply into my eyes as if there was no one else in the world and the next he was off to some scheming and planning that didn’t involve me or even an acknowledgement of my existence. Because he hadn’t denied it when Cass had accused him of fraternizing with the enemy. Because that simple comment had made me lay awake for hours every night, wondering if he was somewhere off down these very halls, lying next to her in her bed, stroking her smooth, pale skin and whispering things in her ear that would make me blush to hear from his lips. All of that. All of that and more because, even though I had just met this man, this prince of darkness, this supremely powerful Fae, I was completely, utterly captivated. And I hated that. So I hated him for making me feel it.
But I couldn’t tell him that. Because we barely knew each other and I would run away myself if someone I hardly knew expressed such fascination with me after such a short time spent in one another’s company. So I settled with another issue, the one that had nothing to do with him. Or, at least, that’s what I told myself.
“I don’t know why I’m here,” I said then, sitting down on a marble bench nearby, staring down at a bed of tulips so that I didn’t have to look at him. “You and Cass have so much on your plate, what with your family… situation. And Rook is dealing with his history here and you both have your banishment to contend with and it’s all so big and I’m so… small. And I’m a burden. And I shouldn’t—”
“No,” he interrupted me, his tone low and firm. He strode forward and sat beside me. Before I could react, he reached out with one finger and tipped my chin up so that I was looking into his eyes. “You are not a burden. You are not small. You are not insignificant in any way. Your life, your problems, are no less important than ours.”
The whole time he spoke, he kept his fingers under my chin, his gaze burning hot upon my face. My skin heated, a faint flush creeping up my cheeks. His thumb moved lazily, almost absentmindedly, stroking my chin close to my lips. His gaze drew down to them. My breath hitched and I waited, expectant. Then he blinked and dropped his hand and the moment fizzled out between us, though I could still feel the desire coursing through him, emanating from him.
“Cass says I’m welcome here,” I breathed, hardly able to summon much more than a whisper as we maintained eye contact across the narrow bench. “She says that I’m one of you now. But I’m not. Not really. I’m not one of you and I’m not one of them.”
Them. He knew what I meant. Mortals. The mortal plane. My home. If I ever even really had one.
“So, where am I supposed to go?” I asked. “What am I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” he started and his lips spread into that mischievous smirk of his, “but none of us are welcome here. Rook and I were literally banished. Cass has forsaken everything her family stands for. As far as my father is concerned, she’s dead to him.”
I frowned, my heart going out to Cass, a girl the whole world thought was wicked, shunned by her own father for refusing to take part in the brutal murder of her own family.
“So if you’re looking for somewhere you can belong, you might find that here, in our merry band of unwanted outcasts,” he said. “If you’re looking for answers to your questions, you might find those here as well. If you ever want to meet your mother, she’s here.”
I tensed.
“Not now,” he whispered, soothing me. “But when you’re ready. If you’re ever ready.”
