She nodded.
All right, one side of his mouth kicked up, and everything that had been wrong felt like it all settled back down and was just right.
"Okay, maybe we could do that at some point," he said.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just kissed you and run away. And you're right. I did do it a little bit to distract you, but only because I wanted to—kiss you, that is. I just—I guess everything is a little bit crazy for me right now and I don't know exactly how I feel. And—"
"It's okay. I thought you were doing it to deceive me, and I guess I was going to get angry about that. But not necessarily—probably I was just as upset that I thought you liked me the way I liked you, and I was bitterly disappointed to find out you didn't."
"I do. I like you a lot. I've never met anyone like you. Someone that I admire and look up to and... I feel safe and comfortable with you. Does that make sense?"
"I don't know if it makes sense, but I feel more confident when you're with me. I like having you beside me, because I know that you're going to do everything that you can to help and support me. Which was why the idea that you'd kiss me to deceive me was so hard."
His heart had finally settled down a little, and he felt like he could breathe again.
She seemed to understand what he was saying, and she looked contrite.
"I wouldn't have wanted to make you think that. I'm sorry. It just seemed like a really good idea, and I think I was looking for an excuse to kiss you anyway."
"You don't need an excuse," he said, grinning. Boy, she definitely did not need an excuse.
They smiled at each other for a moment before he turned back and started the truck. "If I don't want to have you out all night, we better get started on this."
"I wanted to thank you for asking me to go. I really enjoy helping people. Teaching the kids was so much fun, and it just really givesyou a good feeling inside to feel like you're making a difference for someone."
"I know. I agree with you completely. I think sometimes as humans we have trouble letting go of our dreams, the things we think we want. But when God can gently pry our fingers up and shake out of our grasp the things we cling to so tightly, and give us other things to do, things that actually matter in eternity, we are so much more happy and satisfied."
"Well, you're definitely right about Him needing to pry my fingers up, because I wouldn't have let go of my career if it hadn't been for Him."
"Do you think you'll go back?" he asked, feeling kind of casual. But then he realized that it was a question that held a lot of meaning and the potential to affect him greatly.
"I don't know. I guess I've always planned on going back and hadn't considered not. But... I could stay in a town like this."
"Could you live at the poverty level with a music shop owner who doesn't even have enough money to fix his furnace?"
It just occurred to him that his pride should probably be insulted or something, that she was having to pay for an ordinary repair that he should be more than capable of providing for himself.
Of course there was the extenuating circumstance where his sibling had borrowed his emergency fund, but still... If he was the man, he should provide.
"Yes. That doesn't sound the slightest bit off-putting. In fact it sounds exactly like what I would like to do."
"Money makes things easier," he said, and he tried to sound casual, not panicked the way he was kind of feeling. After all, maybe he wasn't ready to have a wife if he couldn't support her.
"It does. I actually have a lot of money put back. Enough that I could live comfortably if I'm careful. I mean, I couldn't live extravagantly, but it would take care of all the basic necessities and a few luxuries, as long as my investments do well. I don't have them in anything too risky."
"Wow." He hadn't even considered that she had money. He thought they were both poor starving artists. He had forgotten that she was successful and well-known.
He supposed he was quiet for a while, thinking, when she said, "Does that bother you?"
He turned into the driveway. "This is where we're dropping the groceries off. I usually park along the street, down the street a little bit, and walk to the house so that I don't wake anyone up. We're a lot closer than I usually am, but I think we'll be okay. We need to be quiet though."
"You don't have to wear a disguise or anything?"
"No. If I see anyone, I'll just tell them that these bags were in my shop and they needed to be delivered. Someone brought them to me. Which is true. My partner dropped them off."
"That's clever. Not lying, but after saying that, they would assume that someone else was the Secret Saint and you were just running errands for him."
"Exactly. I never lie. I don't want to, and I hope I don't start, but yeah. Telling the truth, but leaving the obvious out."
