After a few of the slowest fucking minutes of my life, I get the reply:It’s not a big deal, Volodya. Supper’s in the fridge. I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon.
There are a million things I want to say, but I don’t want to text them. I give a simpleNight, kiska. I hope the appointment goes well.
She tells me goodnight, and I set the phone down feeling agitated and depressed. I finish the vodka and pour another. The house feels lonely without her and too damn quiet. I busy myself with cleaning and sharpening my knives and then play with the dogs. Then I try to pass the time by watching a hockey game, but my thoughts keep going back to her. She’s cleaned up my muddy footprints from last night, and another stab of guilt hits me when I remember my maid comment. God, she probably thinks I just fucked her and now I expect her to go on picking up after me, like some sort of fucked-up maid-with-benefits situation.
“I fucked up,” I tell the dogs. Pulya nudges my hand with her nose and gives a sympathetic sigh. Grom and Graza let out a soft whine and look around the room like they’re searching for Maddie. Even they feel the loss of her. I keep the TV on and fall asleep on the couch, not even caring that the dogs jump on it with me, because I can’t stand the thought of sleeping in the bed without her.
I’m up with the sun, already agitated and ready for her to pull in the driveway. I waste a couple of hours burning off the restless feeling with a strenuous workout, but after my shower I’m still just as on edge. Picking up on my mood, the dogs start pacing around the house, letting out little whimpers until I finally give in and throw the ball for them.
When noon comes and goes and I still haven’t heard from her, I send her a text. At this point I don’t give a fuck if I’m coming on too strong. Her reply isn’t what I’m expecting and my heart races when I read it.
I’m at the ER with my mom. She passed out at her appointment.
I’m already grabbing my keys and running for my car as I type out a quickI’m on my way.
The whole drive I keep thinking about her up at the hospital all alone and scared, but not even that had made her feel like she could text me. Did she feel like I wouldn’t be there for her, or did she just not want me there? I have no idea what to expect when I run into the emergency room. I give the startled woman behind the counter one hell of a scare, but when I explain why I’m here, she steps into her administrative power and points to a wall of seats behind me.
“Take a seat, sir. I can’t just let you go running through the halls. You’re not even related to the person you’re asking about.”
I rest my hands on the counter and take a deep, calming breath, but I don’t back down, because she’s out of her goddamn mind if she thinks I’m going to take a fucking seat.
“I understand you have rules you need to follow,” I tell her, leaning down a bit closer. Her eyes widen, but she stands her ground, and I make damn sure to be as unthreatening as I’m capable of being. I’m not here to scare her.
“My fiancée is back there,” I say, trying for some sympathy. “She’s scared to death and worried about her mom. I just want to be there for her. Please tell me what room they’re in.”
She studies me for a moment, and finally says, “I’ll let her know you’re here, and if she okays it, then I’ll let you back. It’s the best I can do.”
I nod, knowing it’s the best she’s going to give me. I’m not willing to make a huge scene that will just bring security down here and make a bigger mess of things. As soon as she disappears through the wide doors that lead to the rooms, I send a quick text to Maddie.I’m here. Please tell her you want to see me.
I don’t know if she’ll have time to read it before the woman shows up or not, and I’m not sure what I’ll do if she tells the woman to not let me back. Nothing good, I’m guessing. When the woman pokes her head back out and motions for me to follow, I let out a relieved breath and stay right on her heels as she leads me down the hall before stopping in front of one of the rooms.
“Thank you,” I tell her before quickly stepping inside. Maddie’s sitting in a chair next to an empty bed, looking so damn small and scared, and I don’t even have to think about what to do. In less than a second, I’m picking her up and clutching her tightly against me in a big hug. She wraps her arms and legs around me, buries her face in my neck, and cries.
“I’ve got you, baby,” I tell her, rubbing her back and gently rocking her. “What happened?”
Her voice is shaky when she says, “She felt really weak this morning, and when I took her to the appointment, she just collapsed in the waiting room. They’re doing more tests on her now.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” I sit down and keep her on my lap, rubbing her back and kissing the side of her head, because god I’ve missed her.
She pulls back and looks at me. Her eyes are red, and she’s still crying, and the sight of it breaks the heart that I’d always assumed was completely unbreakable.
“Volodya, you left. We shared whatever the hell that was in the woods, and then you were so damn sweet, and I thought that maybe it had meant something to you, but then I woke up alone. I kept waiting for you to come home or text or something, and then I realized that you weren’t there because you didn’t want to be.”
“No,kiska,” I quickly cut in. “I got a text early that morning from Vasya. Something happened and I had to help take care of it. It ended up taking all day, and I should’ve left a note or texted.” I sigh and cup her face. “This is all very new to me. I’m going to fuck up, probably a few times, but it’s not because I don’t care. It’s just because I don’t know what in the fuck I’m doing. I swear I’ll learn.” I smile and add, “Quickly.”
“Haven’t you ever dated?”
I let out a soft laugh. “No.”
She looks like she doesn’t believe me. “We can talk about all this later,kiska,” I promise her. “Try not to worry about anything, but the next time you need me, you better damn well call me.” I kiss her gently, groaning when the taste of her hits me. “For the first time in my life, I want to take care of someone, so stop being so damn stubborn and let me do it.”
Her faint smile gives me hope. She rests against me again while I stroke her hair and keep an arm tightly around her. “Is Dr. Gibson with her?”
“I never told you her doctor’s name,” she murmurs against my neck and then lets out a soft laugh. “I knew you were the Cubby Bear Foundation.”
“Just for the record, I did not choose that fucking name. My lawyer did, and I hate him for it.”
She laughs again, and the sound of it has the tension inside me slowly releasing. “Yes, he’s with her. I can’t thank you enough for helping her.”
