Lina’s lips moved soundlessly, attempting to form the beginnings of several words, until she at last settled on, “But... but... but... whatever... whatever does that mean?”
Charlotte’s lips trembled. “It’s... not discussed, Lina, in great detail. But do you know of those very wicked books, the books that...” her voice disappeared into a whisper. “I am only telling you this for your own good, please understand I would never speak of such... depravity, and filth, if not...”
“Charlotte, do tell me,” Lina begged.
Charlotte’s eyes were on her skirts. She shifted uncomfortably, twisting her hands in her lap. “I know not how to describe it, exactly...” she said. “I was doing a terribly naughty thing and listening in on the conversations of my cousins, who are older and married... I am quite uncertain if I should, or even if I am able to, repeat what they have said.” She looked up at Lina imploringly. “I think I am unable to go on.”
Lina’s eyes were wide, and she had a tense, nervous feeling coiling up inside of her, connecting, as though by a taut string, her very private places, her chest, and her mind. She swallowed, to find her throat dry. “I too, overheard a conversation between my guardian and Mr. Blackstone,” she whispered. “And he said, Mr. Blackstone said, he required a wife that he could...” Her voice trailed off as her lips struggled to pronounce the word she had overheard, and when it left her mouth it plucked at the tight chord deep in her body and sent a shiver throughout. “Discipline.”
Lina could see by the way that Charlotte’s eyes flew to her lap that she had hit upon the very core of what the girl wanted to tell her.
But what sort of discipline? What sort of discipline was on par with sexual matters, and for that matter, sexual depravity?
Thoughts fluttered into Lina’s mind, as images and scenarios, and though they were vague because of her state of complete naivety and ignorance about all matters “sexual,” they were visceral enough—tickling her in the low, low regions of her abdomen—that she recoiled from them as one would from a hot coal.
Once, Lina had experienced a similar sensation, after reading a book locked away in the attic, which had described in great and sordid detail the proper discipline of a maid. A number of her father’s books had been sent with her to Green Grove Manor, and placed in the attic, she was told, because they were in French and unsuitable for tutoring. The book had seemed quite funny, and the material, if going by the title, quite dry. She could not even say why she had selected it and flipped through the pages. One chapter had been entirely dedicated to a description of how to cane a maid upon her bare skin, with her skirts over her bent figure, while having the maid count the strokes of her punishment aloud.
The same, cold-hot feeling that now snaked through her body had been set in motion by the chapter, and Lina had slammed the book closed, never to return to its pages again, for she feared she had stumbled upon something quite forbidden, which was not a handbook for discipline at all, but one of thoseérotiquestories she had heard her mother’s friends chattering about in France.
Charlotte pressed her lips together and took Lina’s hand anew. “I know not, darling Lina, let us speak no more of it. Perhaps they are only rumors and nothing more, and anyhow we shouldn’t speak of such things.”
Charlotte stood up, smoothing her skirts with unnecessary haste, and made for the door, but not before Lina noticed that her countenance, ordinarily quite pale, had flushed in much the way Lina was certain her own had.
“Charlotte,” Lina whispered, taking her hand. “Thank you.”
Charlotte gave her a kind, almost pitying look. “I am uncertain if I have done anything for which you should thank me.” She leaned forward to kiss her cheek. “It could all just be rumor, dear Lina.”
And then she was gone.
Chapter Nine
The next few days passedlike a dream for Lina, despite the burning thoughts regarding her marriage, and the secrets surrounding Mr. Blackstone and his “depravity,” which caused quite a flutter in her heart, though she could not explain it.
A parade of tailors and seamstresses were brought to the home, and the girls were accompanied by the very severe Mrs. Tilton to glorious shops, where Lina was permitted to select divine fabrics for gown after gown: evening gowns, ball gowns, dresses that she would have called gowns that were in fact to be used every day, and of course, the wedding dress.
Evangeline seemed quite content with her allotment of garments, and she had begun to thaw from her earlier jealousy, for Evangeline was quite easily distracted by shiny things and promises of balls and social climbing. All of these had been given to her because of Lina’s fortunes, so Evangeline, while jealous, could hardly remain in the terrible mood she had seemed determined to remain in for the rest of her life.
