But no problem. The last couple days had been a lot. She needed some time to process and decompress.
AndIneeded to stop lusting after her.
Sunlight slanted down between clouds and blue sky, lighting up some spots in brilliant yellow while leaving others in shadow. I reached for my door handle. And that was when Keira spoke, though she was still looking out her window instead of at me.
“Dean, I can’t pretend to be in a relationship with you.”
I pushed loose strands of hair out of my face. “Why not? You wanted to go undercover in the past, right? With Brynn. And I think you’ve done other undercover work as a cop. Haven’t you? It’s not that different.”
“It’s completely different.”
“Why? It’s a mission. An assignment.”
“That’s all I am to you now? I used to be your friend, someonespecial, but now I’m an assignment. A box to check off, so you can soothe your guilt.”
Oh, hell. She was hitting me where it hurt.
“Of course you’re more to me than that. I didn’t come back to Hart County for an assignment, Keira. I came foryou. I’ve told you I care about you. I always did.”
“But not the same way I cared about you. Don’t deny it. Youknewhow I felt about you.” She wiped at her face.
Oh, damn. She was crying. AndIwas the cause.
I cracked my knuckles, the truth so close to tripping off my tongue. How I really felt. Both thenandnow. Because nothing for me had changed. Not a fucking thing.
“I knew,” I agreed.
Yes, I’d known years ago that she had a crush on me. I’d told her I was too old for her, just to shut the idea down. But it had been a lot more complicated than that.
“And you didn’t want me,” she said in a monotone.
“That’s where you’re wrong.”
Keira jolted like she was coming back to life. “I’m not wrong! You didn’t want to hurt me, so you left town. So I could get over you or something like that. Right? Because you didn’t want me the way I wanted you.”
I squinted at her. “That’s what you think?”
“That’s what I know!”
Don’t say it, I thought. But I couldn’t hold this back. Not anymore.
“Keira, I wish I could’ve had everything with you. Every single thing. If I could’ve stayed forever foranyone, it would’ve been you.”
Her head swiveled, those big brown eyes searching mine. I didn’t know what she saw there.
A second passed. Two.
Then she said, “Kiss me again.”
Turmoil erupted inside me. What Iwantedwarring with what was right.
“I shouldn’t do that,” I murmured.
“How are we supposed to fool everyone else if we can’t even fool ourselves?”
What had I been thinking, suggesting this? Kissing her in the first place?
I’d never been very smart, apparently.
