I didn’t know what to feel about any of this. Dean was still in Hart County three weeks after I’d told him to get out of my hospital room. He’d been talking to River about me.
I tried to find the rage that had overwhelmed me in the hospital. But it was quiet. My anger at Dean had been quiet for days, replaced with confusion and uncertainty.
I’d kept the gardenias, though. Just because they were my favorite, obviously. Not because I’d forgiven him. The vase still sat on my nightstand in my bedroom with the stems bent over and wilted.
I still felt a mess of conflicting emotions about what had happened. Both Dean and the attack. But the flood of anguish that had made me break down in front of Brynn was distant enough that I could get through the day. The rage and sorrow were under glass. Still there, easy to see, but separate from me.
“Is he still blocked in your phone?” Brynn asked.
“Yes.” So I had no idea if Dean had tried to contact me again. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
Ugh, that was a lie. Of course I wanted to know. That was why I was asking about him. At the same time, I wasn’t ready to welcome him back.
But I was also obsessing about where he was and what he was doing. Why did I still care so much?
The corner of Brynn’s mouth lifted. “I thought that was badass, by the way. You blocking him.”
“You don’t think I was being childish?” Dean had never done anything awful to me. Just failed to write back to acouple of texts, and then silence had stretched between us, days turning to months and then years. But I could’ve called or texted again if I’d wanted to. Right?
“Hell no.” Brynn pushed away her plate. “He deserved it. If Dean wants back in your life, he has to learn to treat you better. You can’t give an inch on that. Make the man sweat.”
I felt a smile on my lips matching hers. “I wonder what Cole would say about it.”
“Cole can have an opinion when I tell him he’s allowed. But don’t tell him I said that.”
We both laughed, which turned the ever-present ache in my chest and shoulder to a sharp jab. But it was worth it.
I helped round up the takeout containers and throw them away. After Brynn put in a load of laundry for me, we returned to the couch to queue up the first installment of the Fast and Furious franchise. But before hitting play, Brynn turned to me.
“Have you thought more about having a personal security presence here, now that you’re alone at night again?”
I squirmed on the couch. “I already said no when Owen and Trace offered before. I don’t want a babysitter.”
“I get that,” Brynn said. “But the people who attacked you could come back. You know this.”
I did know it. I’d had this conversation several times already, including with her. It was clear to everyone that those masked men had come here for me specifically. They hadn’t robbed the house, and everything about the attack had seemed intentional. Professional, even. Not random.
Most likely, the masks had been meant to hide their identities in case a camera somehow recorded them or a neighbor saw them. But they’d known those demonic faces would terrify me too, so that my final moments were spent in terror.
They’d tried to kill me and didn’t succeed. Which meant they might try again.
I grabbed a throw pillow and held it against my stomach. “Owen’s been sending deputies on new patrol routes that happen to go down my street.” As if that wouldn’t be obvious to me. Even when my fellow deputies were using their own cars, I knew every single one of them. Same with the people from other nearby departments who’d been helping out. “You’ve been staying late almost every night, too. I know it’s not just to hang out and have girl time.”
She smiled. “Hey, I love me some girl time. I don’t get nearly enough of it when I’m home with Cole.”
Right, living in that beach house was so rough. “I also think River’s done something to my security system. Hacked into it. Wouldn’t be surprised if there are cameras watching us right now.”
River had come over to overhaul my security setup, supposedly to make it harder for someone to jam the signal again. But he was devious.
Brynn was shaking her head. “I doubt even River would go that far.”
“I don’t.” I tossed the throw pillow onto the floor. “I’ve got plenty of people looking out for me, whether I want them to or not. That’s what I’m saying. But if those assholes come back for more, I’m going to be ready.”
“Even though you can’t fire a gun?”
“Who says I can’t? My right hand works. You think if it’s life or death, I’ll be worrying about my broken collarbone?”
“I guess that’s a fair point.” Brynn didn’t look happy to hear it, but she didn’t sugarcoat things, and neither did I.
