“Yeah. I could use something warm and cozy. I think we both could.”
I sat on a barstool and watched, my knee bouncing up and down. Might as well get started on telling my story. It would be easier with Keira busy and not staring at me with her big brown eyes.
“I grew up in rural Oregon. I don’t think I’ve ever told you that.”
“No, you haven’t.” She dropped a cinnamon stick into the pot. “You’ve hardly told me anything about how you grew up.”
I scrubbed a hand over my jaw. “It’s not a very happy story. My parents never wanted me. They left me with my grandmother, and she raised me. She’d been diagnosed with MS before I was born.”
Keira watched me from her peripheral vision while stirring the pot. “That’s a rough start for any kid.”
I chuckled humorlessly. “Very.”
It had all been so long ago, and I rarely thought about those days anymore. Who wanted to admit that his own parents didn’t want him? But if I was going to give Keira all of me, this was part of it. And it hadn’t been all bad.
“Grams had a great sense of humor and was tough on me in all the ways I needed. Taught me how to work hard. How to fight, mentally I mean. She fought her illness the best she could. She was a grocery store clerk with inadequate health insurance, so there was only so much she could do.” My fingers drummed on the counter. “Passed away when I was seventeen.”
“I’m sorry,” Keira said softly. “I know how hard that must’ve been.”
“Of course you do.” Keira had lost her dad in a car accident. “As a Marine, I found my family. My purpose. I tried to give all I had every day. Training as a sniper just added to that. I was proud.”
“It’s something to be proud of.”
I nodded. The mixture was bubbling now. I watched Keira pour in milk.
“Then you joined Force Recon?” she prompted. “And…the less official stuff?”
“When some intelligence guy approached me about serving my country at the next level, I didn’t hesitate. The missions got further afield. Most of the people I killed, I had no idea why they were marked. I did what I was told. It was gradual, I guess. The shift. They took away my brotherhood,my sense of meaning, left me with nothing but my orders. Nothing but the next mission. At the end, I didn’t even know who I was actually serving. Not really. But I enjoyed it, Keira. I liked being good at killing. It seemed likeallI was good for.”
I got lost in the memories for a while, until Keira set a mug in front of me and sat on the barstool beside me. Her expression wasn’t horrified, so I took that as a positive sign.
Even better when she placed her hand over mine. “Is there more?” she asked.
“Unfortunately.”
“I love you, Dean. You can tell me.”
I didn’t deserve her. I really didn’t.
But I wanted to.
“My last mission.” My heart thumped, and I resisted the urge to reach for my rifle round pendant. Keira had left it on the counter, the leather cord limp, the clasp open.
Just say it, I ordered myself.Get it done.
“I was in a city in Eastern Europe. Specifics aren’t important.” Also, they were beyond classified. But that wasn’t my top worry at the moment. “My target was a diplomat. I had a cover story as a journalist living in the building next door. My days were spent preparing. Studying his movements, making sure I had my exit plan in place.”
Funny how dry these details were, when told this way. As if I wasn’t confessing the worst thing I’d ever done.
“My handler had told me to wait for a certain important meeting to take place at the diplomat’s home. Then I was supposed to execute everyone in attendance. Kill shots to the head with the rifle. Follow my exit route. Escape detection. The usual.”
“Okay.” Keira’s hand still rested over mine.
“Turned out there were…” The words faltered, but I kept talking. “The diplomat’s wife was there along with another couple. I watched them through the scope. It looked like a social gathering. But I had my orders. I took the shots. Killed them all.”
My eyes closed, seeing through the scope. Feeling the recoil of the rifle and the low sounds from the suppressor.One. Two. Three. Four.Quick and efficient, before they could even react enough to escape.
“Then, through the scope, I saw a teenage girl run into the room. I hadn’t even known she was in the diplomat’s house. I think she was the daughter of the visiting couple. She was…screaming.” I swallowed, my throat dry. “I had orders to kill everyone there.Everyone. No survivors.”
