“Jesus, Shep, Iamokay.”
“I don’t think you are.”
“How the hell would you know?”
“Because I know you, and you’re a sarcastic shit, not a combative ass. Talk to me.”
He shrugged, his hair falling like a curtain around his face and blocking me out. “There’s nothing to say.”
“Bullshit. You’re beating yourself up over this, and you’ve got to stop. You worked it out?—”
“After how many fucking close calls?” Alessio snapped, whirling around to face me. “We could’ve lost you both, and it would’ve been my fault.”
“What? Alessio, no?—”
“I couldn’t find him, Shep.” Those dark eyes were wide and pained. “You all depend on me with your lives, and I couldn’t fucking crack it. Couldn’t find him until it was almost too late.”
“It was an impossible task, but somehow you got there.Youdid that. No one’s all-powerful, but fuck, man, you’re pretty goddamn close.”
Alessio turned away, running his hand through his dark, wavy hair that was down and hanging loose at his shoulders. He’d always been a built guy, with biceps that could smash a watermelon on a curl, but I could tell he’d lost some weight with the way his usually fitted t-shirt sat a little loose and his jeans hung low on his hips.
“I let you all down,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry for that.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about. But maybe hearing that from someone other than me would help you accept that.”
Alessio’s shoulders stiffened. “No.”
“I get it,” I said, moving a little closer. “Confession isn’t exactly my idea of a good time either, but when I missed it last month, I realized how important it was to me. Especially with what we do. I would’ve given anything out there in that jungle to have Father Vitale to talk to?—”
“Yeah, well, that’s you,” Alessio snapped. “The last thing I need right now is his lofty judgment.”
He turned and reached for the bottle of whiskey on his desk, and when he pulled the cork and brought it to his lips, forgoing a glass, I knew things were much worse than I’d suspected.
One of Alessio’s hard and fast rules for us was a visit with the reverend once a month. It had always been non-negotiable. But this would now be the second time he skipped out on his own mandate if what King said was true, and the added hostility in his tone and stance told me the same story.
“I hardly think he’d judge you. The whole reason for confession is to allow you to unburden yourself to one who is there to offer guidance.”
“I don’twanthis fucking guidance.”
“Okay, but maybe you need it.”
Alessio aimed a fulminating look in my direction, and that was when I decided to pull out the only other weapon in my arsenal—guilt.
“How many times have you made one of us go and speak to the father when we didn’t want to? And in the end you were always right. He always makes us feel better.”
“Yeah? Well, what makes one person feel good can drive another to drink.” He swung the bottle between his fingers, and quick as a snake I whipped it out of his hand and reached for the cork.
“You’re coming with us,” I told him. “Even if I have to drag you there myself.”
It was that exact moment Theo stuck his head inside the office. “You two ready to head to Father Vitale’s?”
“I’m not going,” Alessio said, at the same time I answered, “We were just on our way.”
Theo’s eyes shifted between the two of us. “Okay, well, we’re heading out in five.”
I nodded, offering him a tight smile, and he immediately understood to give us space. I was close to a breakthrough, I could feel it. But if I had to get a couple of the others to help me drag Alessio’s ass to church, I would.
“Look, Theo and King have been through a lot the past month, me and you also. I think it would be a good show of faith if you could find it in yourself to come with us tonight. Brothers, blood, family. We need this.”
