“Come in.”
I stepped inside to see Levy standing at his window, looking up at the sky—maybe watching the other trainees who actually decided to leave the runway today, who knew.
He gestured to the seat in front of his desk. “Sit.”
I sat gratefully, not sure if my legs would hold me up much longer now that my whole body seemed to be coming down with a case of the shakes.
Commander Levy hit a button on his phone, and when his assistant picked up, he said, “Two waters and something out of vending, please, Jane.”
Less than a minute later, Jane walked in and set the bottled waters and a packet of salted nuts and a Snickers bar on the edge of the desk.
“Those are for you,” Commander Levy said, taking a seat behind his desk. When I didn’t immediately open anything, he gestured toward the food. “Eat. Drink. You need something in your system, since I’m guessing you cleared everything out.”
Heat flooded my face at being caught in such a pathetic moment, but Levy waved me off.
“You’ve been through something that would bring any pilot to his knees. No need to be embarrassed.”
I’d expected a dressing-down for failing to go through with the hop, but instead I was getting…sympathy?
As I tore open the bag of nuts and popped some into my mouth, he asked, “What happened out there?”
I chewed and swallowed some water, already starting to feel less shaky. “I couldn’t do it.”
“And why do you think that is?”
“Fear, sir.”
“Ah, yes.” Commander Levy rocked back in his chair, clasping his hands over his stomach. “I imagine that was a first for you.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Not a feeling you enjoy, is it?”
I took another swallow of water and shook my head. “Not at all, sir.”
“Mhmm.” The look he gave me was curious, assessing. “The reason we’re able to do what we do is that lack of fear. Cocky. Alpha. Terms we hear often, but without it, we’d hesitate. We’d lose. We’d die.”
I nodded, not wanting to ask the question that was hanging over us—how the hell did I get over the fear?
“You know, on that final hop, I saw some pretty incredible flying from you, Panther. As a matter of fact, you could’ve locked on to me—twice. Had you been able to continue, I have no doubt you would’ve won that hop.” He shifted forward, pinning me with an intense stare. “I would’ve lost. Do you know how many times that’s happened in the past?”
“I’m not sure, sir.”
“Once. In all my years at NAFTA, only once has a pilot in our program ever defeated me, and it was your father. So you know what that tells me?”
I shook my head.
“It tells me you’re too good to let the fear win. You owe it to yourself, hell, to the Navy, to get your confidence back and get up in the air.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but found I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to get over it. Of course I fucking wanted to. But—
“How to make that happen, hmm?” Commander Levy rubbed his chin, and I could practically see the wheels turning. “I think we need to get you back up there as soon as possible. But not alone this time.”
My forehead scrunched up as I wondered where he was going with this. Somehow, I had a feeling I wasn’t going to agree with his decision.
“We need someone more than fearless. Someone you can fly with that can help you snap out of any anxiety you’re feeling. Someone like…”
Oh God. He’s gonna say it.
