“He didn’t?”
“Nope. Funny how he freaked so hard and then didn’t even bother comin’ by to check on you. Guess that’s Solo for ya.”
Huh. There was something peculiar in that statement, and had the drugs not kicked in and made my head fuzzy, maybe I could’ve pointed it out. As it was, I was drifting slowly, my eyes flickering shut as Houdini kept up a rant about our fellow trainee.
Just before I knocked out, one question lingered in my mind: why hadn’t Solo come to see me?
2Solo
IT WAS AMAZING how long a day could feel when you had nothing better to do than stare at a clock. But for the last two days that was exactly what I’d been doing.
Sitting. Staring. And waiting.
In fact, I’d become a damn expert at waiting. Ever since Panther’s voice had come over the comm stating there was air in the cockpit and he’d have to eject, it felt as though my life had shifted gears. From fast-paced, where everything was go, go, go, to slow motion, where nothing was happening, and I was left in this bizarre holding pattern where not even sleep could free me. I was in a waking nightmare, one that seemed determined to go on and on and on.
I stared at the adjoining wall of my room that I shared with Panther—correction, that Iusedto share with Panther—and threw the tennis ball so it would hit the floor, rebound off the wall, and make its way back to me where my ass was planted on the ground. It wasn’t the most productive thing I could be doing with my time, but hey, at least it was passing it.
The steadythump thumpof the ball before it came back to me reminded me I was still alive, that I was still here, and considering what we’d all witnessed two days ago, it seemed like the safest option for me.
The night Panther had gone down, some of the guys had chosen to hit the bar just outside of the base. But I was not in the mood to sit around and dissect one of the most terrifying sights of my life.
Watching Panther catapult out of his jet as it nosedived to the ocean below had shaken me to my very core. Sure, we all trained for it. That moment where everything went to shit and you had to make that life-and-death decision, not knowing if choosinglifewould ultimately save you. But standing there safe and helpless on the ground, bearing witness to someone’s life hanging in the balance, brought home the danger of the move fucking quick.
Add in the fact that my brother died doing the exact same maneuver, and I was skirting around feelings and emotions for Panther that I hadn’t yet identified. Suddenly that moment I had trained for seemed like the last thing I could mentally handle.
So what had I done? Nothing.Since the moment Panther hit the water, to when they’d pulled him free and we’d been told he was alive but unconscious. I’d somehow made it through the debrief, headed back to my room, and hadn’t left since.
Several of the guys had stopped by, Gucci included, trying to convince me to come down and see Panther. But I still hadn’t been able to work up the nerve to see him in person.
Fuck. Why him?No, that wasn’t right, because I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. But the idea of Panther’s strong, lively body lying on some hospital bed made my stomach revolt. Especially when I thought of the last time I’d seen him stretched out on a mattress.
Bang bang bang.
The loud knocking on my door made me look toward it, but I didn’t move. I wasn’t in the mood to see anyone today. So unless the person outside was here to tell me the place was burning down, they could just stay out there. I was content to wallow in my own misery—alone.
“Solo! Hey, Solo?”
Gucci.
“You in there? Open up, man.”
Nope. Not gonna happen. Not today.Things got real quiet then, and just when I thought he’d left, the banging started up again.
“Come on, Solo. Answer the fucking door. He woke up.”
Huh? Wait…what?
“Panther woke up. Whereareyou?”
As Gucci’s words penetrated the door and started to sink in, I threw the ball across the ground and jumped to my feet. I pulled open the door not a second later, and when Gucci caught sight of me, a frown creased his forehead.
“Okay, you look like hell.”
I winced against the sunlight, my eyes trying to adjust after I’d sat in my room for the past however many hours with the curtains drawn. “What did you just say?”
“You look like hell.”
“No, before that, moron.”
