Seeing what might’ve been and knowing I’d missed my chance –
That would break me in half.
ELEVEN
RHEA
“Here’s the number of the venue, just in case I don’t have cell service or something,” I say, shifting Esme on my hip and setting a neatly typed page on Laney’s kitchen counter.
The diaper bag at my feet looks like it could double as an emergency shelter.
Laney snorts, reaching for the paper without even glancing at it. “I’ve got this, girlfriend. We won't have any emergencies. And I’m definitely not calling the wedding venue to check up on you.”
Esme lets out a squeal, and Laney kisses her cheek.
“But for the record,” she adds with a wink, “we will be eating lots of mac and cheese and readingLlama Llamaon repeat until you get back.”
Esme claps at the mention ofLlama Llama.
“I know she’ll be fine. It’s me I’m more worried about,” I say, brushing a wisp of hair from her cheek. “Nineteen months, and I’ve never left her overnight. That’s got to be some kind of record.”
“Well, you’ve damned well earned a weekend of grown-up fun,” Laney says, reaching for my daughter. “Go. Be thehot librarian at your brother’s swanky wedding. Wear the dangerous dress. Drink the expensive wine. And stop worrying about every little thing. You trust me with her every day. This is no different.”
I laugh, but it catches in my throat.
Laney’s house is Esme’s second home.
She’s been watching my daughter since she was just eight weeks old—back when I was still stitched together in more ways than one. Laney had just left her full-time job after baby number three, and one day she said, “Why don’t I take Esme? Just until you’re back on your feet.”
It wasn’t an offer.
It was a rescue.
It was family.
Still, leaving her overnight feels like peeling off my own skin.
“I’ll text when I get to Hanover,” I say, leaning in to kiss Esme’s curls.
Laney says. “How about instead of texting every hour, you pretend you’re on an island with no signal. I’ve got her. You just go do your bridesmaid thing. And give Carter my love.”
I nod. Smile. Get in the car. And immediately check the backseat, even though I know she’s not there.
Hanover isas ridiculous as I remember. Sweeping lawns. Historic mansions. The kind of wedding venue that has a champagne garden and a valet who looks like he was born in a tuxedo.
I pull into the parking lot and text Laney even though she told me not to.
Just arrived. Everything okay?
The dots bounce. Then stop.
Don’t bug us. We’re busy having fun. But touch up your lipstick before you go in.
Screw the lipstick, I think.
I slide my phone away. Deep breath. One foot in front of the other.
Last week, Laney helped me prepare three outfits for the weekend.
