Or maybe to just wake him with his cock already inside of him, pounding away, making Zane moan.
Forcing the other man to acknowledge they had sexual chemistry had been step one, but it was taking a lot longer than Pavel had hoped to break down Zane’s defenses. It’d been easy enough for Kazimir, so why was his bashert being so stubborn with him?
What did Kaz have that he didn’t?
Pavel hovered at the side of Zane’s bed, watching the delicate rise and fall of his chest as he slept. He was on his side, facing away from the window with one of his pillows clutched tightly against his chest as though he was dreaming about cradling someone close.
If he was dreaming about Kazimir, Pavel would lose his absolute shit. It was already a struggle not to storm over to Wells Diar’s home and sneak in to kill the guy. If it were an option, he’ddo it slow, make the man suffer for daring to covet that which didn’t belong to him.
“I don’t belong to anyone.”
That whispered statement Zane had made in the pool room days ago kept coming back to Pavel randomly. He wondered if the doctor even realized how sad he’d sounded when he’d said it.
Probably not. As badly as he wanted someone so obsessed with him they couldn’t think straight, he panicked the second that actually occurred—case in point, his resistance toward Pavel.
His bashert had a tendency to let those with power walk all over him, when they all knew he could slit their throats in a flash they wouldn’t even see coming. But he stumbled in the face of his inner demons, those doubts that tried convincing him he was unlovable. The ones that simultaneously begged to be significant to someone and didn’t believe it was possible.
“Is becoming the Royal Doctor really that important to you?” he murmured, reaching out toward Zane’s hair. He caught himself at the last second, pulling back just in time. It wouldn’t do to wake him, despite all the fantasies running through his mind urging him to. That wasn’t why he was here.
Zane thought the only way he could make himself matter to anyone was by becoming the Royal Doctor, that much was apparent. His desperation practically bled through everything he did now that Pavel was aware of it. Before, he’d wrongly thought perhaps his ambitions stemmed from the need to impress the Solace family, to prove to them they’d chosen correctly when they’d ripped him from Hexa and all he’d once known.
And forgotten about.
It was clear now, however, that Zane wasn’t doing this for anyone other than himself, which, really, was extremely true to character.
Ironic, that a person who wanted others to want him cared so little about the people around him. He’d toss any one of them aside to achieve his goals.
That wasn’t entirely fair. He was good to the Retinue and always had been. Took his position among them very seriously, and not just because it meant keeping him close to the Royal Doctor title. Zane cared for them all in his own way.
But that wasn’t enough for Pavel.
With a sigh, he turned on his heels and got to work, moving about the large room in the Little Palace that Zane had called home for the past five or so years. He’d been given his own wing at the south of the building, but there were rarely any changes made to it, almost as though he still felt he didn’t belong. His dorm room on campus had been the same.
Whenever Pavel had snuck in, he’d always found the place practically untouched. The bed was always made, the books stacked neat and tidy, and the clothes in his closet always pressed and hung up, even the ones he slept in.
It was like Zane feared a member of the Imperial family, or his own, making a sudden visit. Sure, some people were just like that, but not his bashert. In the past, the one thing Zane had truly desired had been a home, a safe space where he could fully be himself and let his guard down.
Being too afraid to even change the curtains proved this place wasn’t it.
Pavel felt a rush of giddiness sweep through him as he entered the walk-in closet, eyes closing as he inhaled deeply, practically growing hard from the onslaught of Zane’s scent. It was spicy and floral, with notes of beach wood. It was a scentthat hadn’t changed, no matter how much the person it belonged to had.
For a long time, Pavel had been bitter over those changes. Or, more accurately, bitter over being left behind. But not anymore. Not when he was finally so close to obtaining the one thing he desired most in the universe.
Worried Zane would rouse and catch him, he forced himself back into motion, heading straight for the section of the wardrobe where the jackets were kept. He wasn’t a big fan of accessorizing, so aside from a row of sunglasses in the case in the center of the room and a few cuff links for formal events, there wasn’t anything of worth to swap out. But the jackets…
They’d had a school uniform throughout their entire education, but Zane had gotten away with standing out through his coats. Pavel had always thought of it as his one tiny rebellion, even though technically there was no one to stop him and he wasn’t the only one who got creative with the parts of their wardrobe they could get away with.
Pavel dropped the backpack he’d been carrying to the ground at his feet and used his night vision to select a few jackets he knew were Zane’s favorites. This wasn’t the first time he’d snuck in and taken things, but this time was different. It wasn’tstealing.
It was relocating.
Just like last night and the night before had been.
As far as he could tell, Zane had yet to notice. For the most part, Pavel hadn’t wanted him to, starting with smaller items and slowly working his way up to something as large and less easy to overlook as a coat. Since their romp through the woods, he’d gotten bolder. Before that, he only allowed these little excursions every few months or so.
He was losing his grip, something his brother would have a field day with if he ever found out.
Which was why Pavel hadn’t told him and wasn’t going to. Typically the two of them shared everything, but this…This was personal. Private.
