“It means,” Pavel dragged the cloth up to Zane’s throat and used it to tip his head back again so their eyes could meet again, “I’ll take care of you, baby. If there’s something you don’t like doing, you don’t have to.”
“What if—”
“Don’t say what if you don’t like doingthis,” he cut him off. “I acknowledge that you’re freaked out, but let’s try to put the brattiness away for now, yeah?”
“What if I don’t—”
“Zane.” Pavel dropped his forehead to his. “I’m not going to punish you tonight. There’s no point in you trying to rile me up. I’m tired and my wound hurts. You were right, I was foolish for not considering my health earlier. Give me this moment, okay? I’ve dreamed of you here so many times, just like this, soft and languid for me. Mine to touch and bath and tuck into bed.”
“You are not tucking me into bed.” He was not some child. “If you did that when we were kids—”
Pavel’s chuckle stopped him short. “You’ve always been prideful, baby, even then. No, you may have clung to me to keepthe other children at bay, but you wouldn’t let me treat you like anything other than my equal. That’s all I’ve ever considered you as.”
“Funny way of showing it.”
“You needed to be broken before you were ready.” He set the cloth aside. “A part of you still isn’t. This is what a family is. We don’t just fuck and banter. We coddle and care for. We sit in those quiet moments and exist as one and enjoy each other's company.”
“Oh yeah, I’m sure you’ve bathed Ledger just like this. Family?” He snorted.
“A different kind of family, true, but family nonetheless.” Pavel stood and then twisted on his heels so he could perch on the thin edge of the tub at Zane’s side. He smiled when Zane gave him a nervous look. “I won’t fall in.”
“I won't stitch you up a third time if you do.”
“Yes, you would.”
Yes, he would. Zane glanced away.
“Is the water still warm enough?”
“It’s fine.”
This so wasn’t how he’d imagined their evening going. If he’d known Pavel would use their game to make him dothishe—Actually. He didn’t know. He didn’t know how to feel about all of this and that was the problem. This was a type of intimacy Zane wasn’t familiar with. There had never been gentle caresses and cuddles with Kazimir, and Lyra had only ever touched him possessively.
But Pavel…He’d cleaned Zane off almost reverently just now. As though he truly did enjoy the act as much as he claimed.
“Why didn’t you tell me you’re an artist?” He needed to cut through this unnerving silence, he didn’t even care if that’s what Pavel wanted. He needed to behave and calm down? Fine.But he wouldn’t be quiet while doing it. “Everyone seemed to be aware of it except for me.”
“I didn’t think it was important. It’s merely a pastime. Nothing serious.”
“You're supposedly really good,” he said. “Why not turn it into something serious?”
“I lack the drive,” he surprised him by saying. “To enter a field like that, you have to want it. Desperately. But there’s only ever been one thing I’ve wanted that badly, and I already have him, so…” He shrugged. “I’ll show you my work sometime. If you’re interested.”
Was Zane interested?
He found himself nodding slowly. “Yeah, okay.”
“What else would you like to know?”
He nibbled on his lower lip and then forced himself to ask, “What else did you take that day you stole my coat? My toothbrush was changed out and I was missing a bottle of body wash. That was you, right?”
“Guilty.”
“Why?”
“Being around your things makes me feel close to you.”
Zane risked looking up at him and instantly wished he hadn’t. There was an openness in Pavel’s dark gaze that he wasn’t used to seeing. A vulnerability that felt far too private to be shared with him.
