“Do you love me, Ani?” Flix asked suddenly. “Did I break your heart?”
He swallowed the lump in his throat. “No matter which way I answer that you’ll just use my reply against me.”
If he confessed that he did, would Flix laugh and leave him after all? Was that what this was all a lead-up for? Was he planning on making Ani fall for him all over again just so he could vanish a second time?
And what if he denied it? If he lied and said he didn’t love him, would that just piss the Brumal member off more? Good Light, it could result in the same end where Flix left him on his own again anyway.
“There’s no good answer,” Aneski settled on. “You’ll beat me either way.”
“You were never going to win,” Flix corrected. “Never.”
“So your grand plan on besting me is keeping me chained like this forever?” Ani shook his head. “What about when I get sick? Or start to get fat because I can’t walk more than three feet on the right side of the bed? When I go legitimately insane from having nothing and no one to look at or interact with but you? Hell, Flix, you won’t even give me sculpting materials! I can’t live like this!”
Flix’s gaze hardened, and Aneski rushed on before he could misconstrue that last statement.
“I’m always begging you? Fine. Yes. And I’ll keep doing it until you see reason. Please, be’tessi. Please, I am begging you. Just let me off the leash. That’s all. I won’t go anywhere without your permission. I’ll do whatever you ask of me. I’ll be good, for god's sake, just get this thing off of me.”
Flix’s multi-slate rang and Ani’s heart sank.
“No.” He tried to hold onto him, but the Brumal member was stronger, pulling away and moving for the door. “Flix.”
He paused with his hand on the knob and then exhaled slowly before glancing back at Aneski with an unreadable expression. “I’ll think about it, okay? I don’t want…” he seemed to struggle with the right words and eventually stated, “I don’t like it when you’re miserable.”
“Okay.” Ani nodded, because this was more than he’d had a moment prior. This was a chance, and he’d take anything he could get at this stage. In many ways, Flix was right to distrust him, as much as he hated admitting it.
Without another word, Flix turned on his heels and left.
Aneski slumped forward, his elbows dropping to his knees, head falling into his hands as a tiny sob escaped him. He really was pathetic, wasn’t he? Flix was right about that, too. He’d kept the older man locked up for way longer than this, yet Flix hadn’t even shown signs of breaking. He hadn’t begged once, but Ani…
“I was never going to be good enough for you,” he mumbled. How foolish he’d been to believe otherwise, to think for even a second that becoming the leader of a gang like the Shepards would make a difference in Flix’s eyes or anyone else's.
The two weren’t comparable at all. Being with the Shepards was probably laughable even. He bet Flix’s friends, the ones who did know about them, joked amongst themselves that Flix had been tricked by an idiot. That must be part of the reason he was so angry with Ani.
He’d started this to get back at the people who’d harmed him most, but in the end, the person who’d done the most damage was himself. He really should have just moved on with his life and been satisfied with that. Now? How did knowing that Russ had left him of his own volition make him feel? Not any better, that was for certain.
He couldn’t even be glad that at least he wasn’t dead. It probably made him a monster, but Aneski actually wished he was. That would be better. Better than this. Better than having to hear that Russ had never given two shits about him, ever.
Growing up, they hadn’t exactly been close, but Ani had always assumed that was because Russ was under a lot of pressure. He’d been forced to take on a parental role and provide for them both after their father’s death. That’s when he’d started to change and grow distant, and Aneski hadn’t blamed him for it, had instead waited patiently, even when he was scolded and belittled.
Even when Russ had warned him off of Flix and made him feel small.
Was that where this feeling truly came from?
Did Ani think he wasn’t good enough because of all those times Russ had told him point blank that he wasn’t?
He frowned.
He may have forced Flix to make a choice, but the actual choosing part had been up to the Brumal member. He could have just as easily left Aneski to die, but he hadn’t. He named him his Onus. True, he apparently was keeping it a secret from most of his friends, but considering he had Ani locked up like some prisoner, that was to be expected.
Ani hadn’t told his friends when he’d kidnapped Flix either. Some things just couldn’t be explained.
He’d wanted to be acknowledged, but he knew better than to push this issue, especially when the bigger one was convincing Flix that he really wouldn’t self-harm ever again. It’d been a stupid call, but in the moment, he’d felt so desperate, as though he were standing on the edge of a cliff. Punishing Flix and forcing his hand had been a part of it, sure, but really…
Aneski had been afraid. Learning that his brother was alive and out there somewhere, that he’d tried to contact him but hadn’t been able thanks to another person Ani had trusted…He’d been scared. Scared of what to do next. Scared of what to do if he really did find Russ.
Even after everything, no matter how many times Flix walked away, Aneski still always felt the safest when he was with him. So, yeah, he’d made an idiotic decision in the spur of the moment, but it’d been a cry for help. A cry for Flix.
I don’t like it when you’re miserable.
