Chapter 27:
He’d lost track of how long he’d been in here, standing beneath the shower spray, still in his work uniform.
Nate had returned from his morning shift, half expecting to find Kazimir waiting on his front steps. He’d been like that at the Velvet Brew too, bracing whenever the bell above the door had jingled. But the Devil had never shown.
Or called.
Or texted.
It was an odd feeling, a mixture of relief and something else, something a lot like loss and heartache. Nate was trying his hardest to ignore the last bit, to drown out the voices in his head that had been whispering he’d overreacted ever since he’d hailed a cab outside of the hotel and sped away.
On the one hand, Nate wasn’t convinced Kaz really had cheated on him. When the other guy had insisted that wasn’t the case, he’d believed him. The issue was what had taken place after that. He’d only wanted time with his thoughts, to figure out why he was feeling so worried over Kaz’s past relationship with Zane—even if it was only a sexual one. He hadn’t liked the jealous, envious twist in his gut or how fear had set in shortly after.
Ironic, that he’d subconsciously been afraid Kaz was going to leave him, only for Nate to be the one to walk out.
In the moment, it’d felt like the right thing to do. It still did, and yet…
“You donotmiss him,” he growled to himself, voice muffled by the sound of running water. For a month now, a day hadn’t gone by that Nate hadn’t at least heard from Kaz through a text or a call. That’s all this was. This cloying feeling was the absence of contact and nothing more. He just needed to readjust to being alone.
Last night, Kazimir had crossed an unforgivable line. Yes, they’d started in a similar fashion, but that had been then. After everything they’d been through, all the progress Nate had felt they’d made, to have the younger guy pin him down and disregard what he wanted so fully…
Nate was a people pleasure, sure, but he didn’tactuallyhate himself. He didn’t want bad things or feel like he deserved them when they came his way. Why he’d settled for someone like Kaz in the first place was beyond him, but he’d snapped out of it now.
Still, he’d thought the guy would at leasttryand fight for him…
He cursed and slammed a hand on the knob, shutting the shower off. Why was he so indecisive? Why couldn’t he just be content with the choice that he’d made and shake the rest of it off? This was for the best.
“You got off track for a second,” he told himself as he stepped from the stall and stripped out of his sopping clothes. He was about to shove them in the laundry basket he had by the door, but hesitated, recalling the way Zane had placed his towel in the one in Kaz’s bathroom.
Nate dropped them on the floor in a wet heap instead and turned toward the fogged-over mirror. His misty reflection stared back, his skin flushed from the hot spray, hair limp around his face.
Zane’s naked torso flashed in his mind, and he scanned himself, taking longer to track over the rise and fall of his abs. Nate wasn’t unattractive. He was a bit smaller than the other man height-wise, but he was every bit as broad-shouldered as Zane, and in good enough shape, there’d be no reason for anyone to look at one longer than the other.
And now he was comparing himself to a Devil of Vitality, who also happened to be called the damn Prince of Medicine.
“Good Light.” He rubbed at his face in frustration and left the room quickly.
Whether or not Kaz and Zane had hooked up since he’d gotten with Nate shouldn’t even matter. The fact Zane had gone out of his way to antagonize him at all was what was important. He couldn’t afford to piss off one of the Devil’s.
The Retinue weren’t much better than the Satellite, even if they didn’t have a mafia connection. When he’d first become friendly with Flix and Berga, Nate had been nervous enough, and it was a tentative friendship held together through their mutual relationship with Bay. Case in point, Flix had ignored Nate’s calls this morning when he’d tried to contact him and let him know about Kaz.
In a moment of weakness, he’d been concerned the lack of contact from Kaz had been due to him still being locked to the bed. Stupid. After what he’d done to Nate, he didn’t deserve any of his worry.
Nate grabbed the first thing he came to in his closet and yanked it on, still lost in thought. Despite how things had begun between them, his unwillingness, this had been his first serious relationship in years. Didn’t that make it okay to mourn, if only a little? Shouldn’t he allow himself that much?
The sound of his multi-slate dinging caught his attention and he grabbed at his wrist before recalling it was the one thing he’d removed before stepping into the shower. They madesubmergible versions, but he’d never felt the need to spend that kind of coin, so while his was waterproof on the surface, it couldn’t be worn while he stood in the stall for over an hour.
He re-entered and picked up just in time, not bothering with the earpiece and opting for a speaker instead since he was alone anyway.
Again.
“Hey,” he tried to sound lively but barely managed to even sound awake, “What’s up?”
“Are you ill?” Nuri’s concerned tone trickled through the speaker of the rectangular device as Nate carried it out into the kitchen. “Have you seen a doctor?”
“I’m fine,” he replied. “Why are you calling?”
“If you’re unwell, you should really—”
