“For being a shitty person?” Sila waved a hand like it was no big deal. “We’re all selfish and terrible. Why should you be any different?”
Nila at least had the good sense to look ashamed.
* * *
“You’re quiet,” Sila broke the silence when they’d made it halfway to the campus. He seemed calm and relaxed as he drove them to the school, as though he didn’t have a care in the world.
Meanwhile Bay felt like his entire universe was on the verge of collapse.
He rested his arm against the open window and rubbed at his temple. “For the first time, I’m wishing you didn’t kick start my ability to feel again.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes.”
“That’s a big change from what you were saying last night.”
“Can you not?” Bay glared at him. “I don’t want to think about your dick and my grandmother at the same time.”
“Calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down!” Bay felt like his entire being was about to explode and yet there Sila was, completely unaffected by anything. For some reason, that made Bay feel utterly and entirely alone.
Wordlessly, he pulled the car off the road, waiting until they were parked on the edge out of traffic before he turned to Bay. “If I’m not mistaken, you’re experiencing emotional overload. My brother goes through that sometimes. Must be because you’re no longer used to feeling such intense emotions all at once. You need to breathe through it and focus. Sort through what you’re feeling and why.”
“Forgive me for not taking the advice of someone who lacks the ability to feel himself,” Bay snapped, freezing as soon as it left his mouth.
Sila merely tipped his head. “My brother’s tossed that line at me during one of his episodes too. Further proof that’s what’s happening here.”
“Do you talk him through them?”
“No. He handles himself.”
“Oh.”
“But I’ll talk you through it, Kitten. You’re not alone here.” Sila rested a hand over Bay’s thigh. “Tell me what you’re going through. What do you feel?”
“Anger,” he said, glancing away so he could focus and not get distracted by the intense look in Sila’s mismatched eyes. “Sadness. I feel hopeless and like I failed her. I didn’t even know about Nila or that there were witnesses that claimed they’d seen my grandmother gambling.”
It helped explained why the police were so adamant, but it didn’t make sense that they wouldn’t have told him about the evidence. Unless it was because they simply didn’t care.
“This is Vitality,” Sila said as though having read Bay’s mind. “The authorities have their hands full with a million and one other crimes on a daily basis. They saw a deceased old woman and were told the cause of death was heart failure. Clear cut, open and closed case. They didn’t inform you, so of course you didn’t know.”
“You found out.”
“I have an informant and a jailbroken pair of Insight glasses.”
“How did you—” Bay held up a hand. “You know what, don’t tell me.”
“Probably for the best. You’re already involved with all sorts of illegal activity, Professor.”
“Why’d you do it? Why did you murder August and Lan?”
“They were assholes who deserved it,” Sila said. “I’d mentioned your grandmother to the both of them and in each instance, they laughed.”
“You would have laughed too.”
“No, I wouldn’t have, because I don’t find death funny. That’s not why I kill. Besides, it wasn’t about me. It was about you. Trust Berga all you like, but I wasn’t about to take the risk that some of that drug would linger and lead back to you.”
