Bay had already let the devil in. It was going to take a lot more than a shitty metal lock to keep him out. Hell, this house didn’t even have an electronic keypad like most places in the universe. It was so old, the only thing keeping Bay from being murdered by an intruder in the middle of the night was a partially rusted lock.
That hadn’t mattered to him before either, but now he frowned. If anyone was going to kill him, it sure as hell wasn’t going to be some random junkie high off his ass breaking into the wrong home looking for drugs or coin—neither of which Bay had.
He’d lined his pockets fairly well with the races, but he’d been sitting on it all this time, all of that in the bank. Now, standing in the tiny box of room, he was looking around as though just seeing it.
There was only the twin sized bed set in the center, with one end table that was missing a front leg and had scratch marks all over the surface. There was a bookshelf in the far corner, but he hadn’t touched any of the items layered in random piles there since moving in, and they’d collected so much dust it was impossible to make out any of the titles on the spines. A greenish-purple mold was growing in the opposite corner and there was water damage to the ceiling Bay hadn’t noticed up until now.
He felt a twist of disgust and disappointment, but even though those were negative emotions aimed at himself every bit as much as his environment, he clung to them greedily. His brief bursts of feeling while riding or watching Sila from afar had been great, but they were nothing compared to the actual wave of emotion that he was experiencing now.
It was as though he’d been asleep for a century and was now finally rousing from slumber. The progression was slow, the lazy blink of his eyes, the stretch of his arms and then his legs. No one jumped straight out of bed when they woke, especially not from a long sleep. They took their time, waited to adjust to having their senses open up and their body unlock.
“It’s me!” The sound of the front door opening caught his attention. Nate had Bay’s emergency key, something he’d insisted on when Bay had first moved here. His steps were loud as he traveled through the small home, clearly on the search, and he appeared in the doorway a moment later, eyes instantly sweeping Bay from head to toe.
Bay turned to better face him, the corner of his mouth lifting when Nate blinked at him in surprise.
Nate came forward and pressed the back of his hand over Bay’s forehead, frowning slightly. “You don’t have a fever. Are you feeling okay? You look—”
“Good?” Bay supplied for him, laughing when that gave Nate pause all over again. “Yeah. I know. I feel good too. Isn’t that interesting?”
Interesting.
Sila’s favorite word.
He scowled and Nate grabbed onto his arm.
“What?” Nate asked. “What’s wrong?”
“No,” he shook his hold off, both thankful for and annoyed by his friend’s concern, “It’s nothing. I was just thinking about something, that’s all.”
“Something upsetting.” Nate ran both of his hands through his hair and backed up, giving Bay space now that he was satisfied nothing was wrong. “Dude, what happened to you after the race last night? When you left your bike with me you seemed the same as always. You were happy you’d won, but otherwise unmoved.”
Bay couldn’t exactly tell him he’d been sexually assaulted by a student. Not only because Nate would freak out—rightfully so—but because there was no way in hell he’d ever understand how Bay currently felt about it.
Bay couldn’t even understand it himself really.
He’d suffered from a crime, a horrendous one, and yet…He didn’t want justice or revenge. Didn’t want to go to the authorities and file a report. Even the thought of kicking Sila from his class made his heart seize up.
No, what Bay wanted, what he truly wanted, was for Sila to do it again.
He was ashamed to admit that, now that he had time to sit with it, he was more than a little bit relieved that Sila had offered him a chance to explore this fucked up situation further. It was a good thing the devil wasn’t done with him, because Bay wasn’t through with Sila either. Especially not when being with him could bring out this much within him.
“I didn’t start going back to the doctor,” Bay said, because he had to say something. “Is it really that big a difference though?”
“I could tell over the phone,” Nate reminded excitedly. “You picked up and sounded the way you used to.”
“How’s that?”
“Pleased to hear from me.”
Bay tipped his head and considered. “I was. You’re a great friend. Always there for me when I need someone. And you’re looking after my bike. I appreciate it.”
“You’ve said that before,” Nate told him, “Only this time I can tell you mean it. Seriously, what’s going on? If it wasn’t the doctor, what caused this big of a change? Will it last?”
“I don’t know.” Bay had never heard of emotional detachment curing itself overnight, but then again, an extreme event could cause an intense reaction. “I’m timing it to see how long it does. So far, it’s been…a while.”
“What’s a while?”
“Since yesterday morning.” He didn’t want to give details but he had to say something. Hewantedto say something. Wanted to confide in his friend and not be alone in all of this. “I…was with someone. Our being together wouldn’t be considered socially acceptable, so I’ll leave it at that. I trust you won’t pry?”
