“I haven’t agreed,” Bay reminded, if only so he’d stop looking at him like he wanted to bite him again.
His face settled back into that relaxed expression, and it was so tempting for Bay to point out Sila was being a hypocrite, only…He liked breathing. A lot.
“And?” he ended up saying instead. “What do I get in return for basically signing my soul to the devil?”
Sila smirked at that, quick and bright, and Bay’s traitorous idiotic heart skipped a beat. “How eloquently put, Professor. I wouldn’t expect anything less from you. What will you get? Your greatest desire, of course. Isn’t that always how deals with the devil go?”
“Yes, well, I’ve fucked you already so…”
Sila laughed. “Oh. No. I didn’t mean me. Oh wow. That’s…” He kept laughing through it and had to pause to wait for the fit to end on its own. Then brushed what appeared to be very real tears from the corner of his eyes and grinned at Bay. “My ego definitely didn’t need that heavy petting you just gave it, but points anyway. I’ll remember that.”
Bay wished his bed would turn into a portal to another dimension and engulf him immediately.
“While my cock is phenomenal and I’m certain you already want more of it,” Sila continued, “that’s not the desire I was referring to. You like me, sure, but up until fifteen minutes ago you didn’t even realize Iwasme. So, doesn’t really seem like your biggest yearning, know what I mean?”
“I—”
“Your grandmother,” Sila sobered instantly. “I’m talking about your grandmother. The reason you live in this rundown monstrosity that wouldn’t pass housing regulations, and work a job you hate, that’s all because of her, right? You think she was wronged.”
“Shewaswronged,” Bay hissed, not because he was angry at Sila, but because he could experience fury again and he welcomed it when it came now.
“Sure she didn’t just gamble everything away like the Shepards claim?”
“Yes. I may not know who you are, Varun, but I knew her better than I know myself. She would never have done that. Not in a million years.”
“All of the Shepards are shithead kids, most of which attend Vail,” Sila nodded in understanding. “That’s why you’ve kept your job instead of turning to racing full time. You stay in this house so as not to draw suspicion, since everyone knows you wouldn’t be able to afford more on your salary alone in a city like this.”
Sila hadn’t been joking.
He really did know all of Bay’s secrets.
And he was stripping them away from him and laying them bare.
Only…
“You’re thinking too highly of me.” Bay deflated back against the bed. More than anything, he wanted to agree because of how much better those reasons made him seem, but it wouldn’t be true.
“Oh?” Sila asked.
“I wanted to know if you felt things,” Bay reminded. “That’s because more often than not, I don’t. Not anymore. Not since she died.”
He frowned at him. “You were emoting just fine last night. You do whenever we interact, in fact.”
“Yeah,” he wasn’t going to correct him for considering all the times he’d spied on Sila from afar as interactions, “because I can feel things when it comes to you or racing. But aside from that…” Bay shrugged. “Everything is dull. It’s like I’ve gone numb.”
“I’m not numb,” Sila said.
“I mean, I don’t have antisocial personality disorder, so it makes sense we aren’t the same.”
He snorted at that. “We aren’t the same at all, Kitten. This, however, is useful information.”
Bay’s heart skipped a beat, and not because it’d sounded like a threat and scared him. The exact opposite. “Useful how?”
“That’s why you’re so obsessed with me, isn’t it. It makes sense. I enjoyed last night so much for similar reasons. Emotional responses, especially when you don’t typically get them, can be addicting. That’s more of a reason to agree to my offer. You’re more messed up by your grandmother’s death and I knew. If you could handle this on your own, you would have done it by now. Two years is a long time to carry a grudge and drown yourself in grief. Let me unburden you.”
Bay felt like he was losing his mind all over again. “What can you do?”
“What can’t I do,” he corrected. “Don’t you trust me?”
