“Got big plans later?”
“Something like that.”
“It’s not murder, is it?” his brother said it causally, almost like he was asking if it was meant to rain later and not if Sila intended to end a life.
Sometimes, he wondered just how comfortable with this his brother actually was. The two of them were different in that respect. Sila couldn’t feel things the same way and therefore couldn’t process them like an average being might. To him, hurting someone left no feelings of remorse or distaste. There wasn’t even a guarantee it would please him. Half the time he did things hoping for an emotional reaction only to be left disappointed with himself.
He hated being disappointed, mostly because those were the only times when he looked in the mirror and felt…wrong.
Weak.
It wasn’t that hewantedto function like every other dull creature in this drab universe, he just wanted to be able to experience things as well. This was the only instance in which he was limited.
“You’re angry,” his brother noted, pursing his lips. “Why?”
“Don’t worry,” he got to his feet, “I’ll entertain myself in a moment, and no, it won’t involve killing anyone.”
“Good.” Rin eyed him for a second and then, “Need to talk about anything?”
It was tempting to ask his brother if he’d ever experienced anything like what Bay made him feel. The other night, holding him against the wall in the restaurant, being close enough to finally touch him and smell him…It’d been…a lot. Much more than Sila had anticipated, actually.
Which had to be why he was so eager to escalate things now, when before he’d been planning on dragging things out longer. Any time something interested him, that was the best course of action. Make it hold his attention for as long as possible so he didn’t inadvertently snap and make a mess he and his brother would be forced to clean up. Their move to Vitality was meant to be a fresh start for the both of them, which meant he could no longer act recklessly like he had back home.
Not that his past actions could actually be considered all that reckless, since he’d never even come close to getting caught.
“No,” he ended up saying, deciding not to bother his brother with emotions today. He’d needed them all explained to him at length when they’d been younger and, while he was pretty stellar at mimicking most now, there were always one or two that slipped past his notice.
“Yeah, you always have your shit together,” his brother drawled. “What could you possibly need my help with?”
Sarcasm was also something he sometimes struggled with, but he’d been making improvements there.
“You may be the one with a boner for control here—” Sila began, only to have his brother snort.
“Please.”
Ah, right.
“I supposeI’mthe one who’s obsessed with control in the bedroom.” He considered his words more carefully, coming up blank.
“We’re both strict on ourselves,” his brother reminded. “And we both sometimes lose our cool. That’s not what I meant. I was referring to how you like to think of everyone as a chess piece. Whoever you’re playing with right now, I bet you’ve already planned their next three moves for them, haven’t you?”
It wasn’t really a question, but Sila grinned in response anyway.
Rin’s control was internal. His was external. Managing himself was easy, so he’d long since gotten into the habit of trying to control the world around him instead. It was fun, seeing how intricately he could weave other people’s stories to his liking, with them none the wiser. The only person he couldn’t play was his brother and that was more than all right with him.
Sila didn’t want to own Rin, that would be like owning himself, and he was a force to be reckoned with. Like a bottomless, never-ending sea.
Impossible for any one person to stake a claim on.
“One of these days,” his brother said, “you’re going to end up meeting your match. It’s going to be fucking hilarious when that happens.”
“Like how it’s hilarious whenever Kelevra—”
“Finish that sentence,” his brother stopped him, “and I’ll drown you.”
“You need new material.” Sila tipped his head. “I’m thinking of adopting a stray.”
“Our apartment doesn’t allow pets,” Rin said, but as soon as the words were out, his eyes narrowed. “Which you’re well aware. What kind of stray are we talking here, brother?”
