What if this was really who he was at his core, the same way Bay’s obsession with pain in the bedroom was who he really was?
“You’re fracturing, aren’t you?” Bay tried to reach up to touch a wave of Sila’s golden hair, but his wrist was instantly captured and pinned to the bed with a warning growl. “I’m not trying anything funny. I’m not going anywhere.”
“You can’t,” Sila stated, grinding down into him. He was getting hard again but now wasn’t the time for sex.
“Are you feeling confused right now?” Bay kept trying. “You said you were anxious. Because you think I might try to leave? Or because you don’t like that idea and you’re not sure what to do with that emotion?”
For a long moment, it seemed like Sila wasn’t going to answer, but then he took a deep breath, as though trying to steady himself, and when he spoke his voice was a little more even. “I didn’t like seeing you on the bridge,” he confessed. “It…hurt.”
“Hurt how?”
“That’s it,” he said. “I saw you, it hurt, and then I got angry. I don’t get angry, not like that. Anger always leads to mistakes, and I don’t make those. I’m the levelheaded brother.”
“You don’t have to be that all the time.”
“Yes,” he stated firmly, “I do.”
“All right.” Bay nodded slowly. “I won’t do it again. You don’t have to worry.”
“I don’t get worried.”
“Sila.” It was so obvious to him what was going on here, that the student was having a crisis of self and that was partially to blame for his actions. Because of what he was, the way his brain worked, if they didn’t get him back on track he may lose control entirely and lash out. Bay liked pain, sure, but he’d been telling the truth.
He didn’t want to die.
“You’re worried right now,” Bay disclosed, gently. “You’re worried because you don’t want to lose me and you don’t understand what that means. Would you like me to help you?”
“Help me how?”
“I could tell you what it mostly likely is.” The same way Rin had always done. Sila had learned most of his mimicry from his twin. “Or should I call your brother?”
He stiffened overtop him. “He won’t save you.”
“I’m not looking to be saved,” Bay reassured. “You’re the one who needs help here, not me.”
“You aren’t that naïve, Professor.”
“Sure, you could kill me—”
“I won’t.” Sila tipped his head and seemed to consider how quickly he’d replied just now. “I would never. You’re mine, Bay Delmar. You said you were mine, back in the car, and again, earlier.”
“I did,” he agreed, “and I am.”
“For how long?”
“Forever.” Bay wanted that and he was starting to think Sila wanted that too. Why else would he have gotten this bent out of shape over Bay almost jumping? Even when he’d been hurting him earlier, it’d been in ways that would mark Bay up, permanently in some cases like with the piercings.
You wouldn’t bother decorating an item you planned to immediately throw away.
“Here.” Bay moved slowly, reaching for Sila’s arm until the younger guy shifted and allowed him to take him by the wrist. Then he led him to his chest and pressed Sila’s fingers over the tender flesh of his left nipple. It stung and he almost moaned, the thick length of Sila’s cock resting against his stomach reminding him of what they could be doing, but he held it together.
His body was battered and he might not make it through another round of Sila’s rough lovemaking and, even if that weren’t part of the equation, the fever was still coursing through Sila.
“There’s this too.” He moved Sila up again so he could touch the collar. “And this.” He lifted his hips, rubbing himself against Sila’s cock through the comforter between them. They were both naked, but that barrier kept them separated and if they were in any other situation, Bay would have begged to have it removed.
“You already claimed me.” This time when Bay went to run his fingers through Sila’s hair, the younger man let him. “You punished me for the bridge, mercilessly, thoroughly, and I loved every second of it.”
“That’s incredibly fucked up of you,” Sila told him.
