Nate and Flix may have tried to get him to hang around after the race, but those memories were murky at best and he couldn’t be sure about that either. Had he seemed off to them? That was the only reason he could think of that they’d offer to take him out for coffee instead of them all going their separate ways like they usually did.
It must have been because he’d lost. For the first time since he’d started doing this professionally, Bay had come in second. It’d been close, with him only a couple of seconds behind, but that didn’t change things.
The railing of the bridge wasn’t very wide, maybe only four or so inches. Just enough he could probably stand on it without tipping over the edge. He could hoist himself up onto it in no time at all and then he’d be able to see the bottom better. The water was so dark, like a yawning cavern below. It reminded him a lot of the emptiness inside of him, the fog that threatened to consume him.
He could feel those dark, familiar edges creeping in on him now, almost as though they hoped to catch him off guard and drag him back into the deep abyss before he had a chance to stop it from happening.
As if he wasn’t already aware it had started.
When he’d crossed the finish line just behind his opponent and registered the disbelieving shouts from the crowd…he’d felt nothing. Not a single emotion stirred within him at the loss, he’d simply gone numb. Again. It was almost impressive how easily it had happened, how quickly and seamlessly his body had shut itself down. Like a switch being flicked in his mind, he’d gone from hopped on adrenaline and worry and doubt over Sila’s whereabouts to…emptiness.
He couldn’t even say it was the opposite of caring, because there wasn’t even feeling enough in him for that. It was almost as though the person standing here, staring down into the ocean was someone else entirely. Like an out of body experience.
Bay hadn’t even been aware he’d been driving to the bridge until he’d gotten there and parked on the side of the road at the end of it. He’d walked the rest of the way to avoid drawing attention, not that he thought for a moment anyone would really bother with him even if they did see someone had left a car running on the bridge itself. This was Vitality. No one cared about anyone else on a planet like this one, a planet that pretended it was upright and elite, but was really just the home of demons and devils the likes of which would send the rest of the universe running in fear.
One of those Devils had Bay’s heart in a chokehold. It wasn’t just obsession, not on Bay’s end. It would be so much simpler if it were.
Sila had never called him back, hadn’t replied to the dozen or so other text messages Bay had sent and, to top it all off, he’d just lost a race.
Oh, right. That’s why he was here. He’d almost forgotten about the game.
What did it matter if he died tonight? Pandeveer would go out in a blaze and his friends would finally get to stop worrying about him. Maybe his identity would get out and the press would talk about him for a bit until his name faded back into obscurity. His grandmother would have been disappointed, but she was no longer around to see him fall.
Bay didn’t want to live like this anymore. He couldn’t. There was a black hole in his chest and it sucked the life out of everything around him, everything that should have brought him comfort and joy. Everything that should have made him want to fight and yearn to keep going.
What was the point of existence when he couldn’t feel anything but unfulfilled?
His perfect record as Pandeveer was gone.
Sila was gone.
He was aimless, not even drifting but stuck in the center of a vast sea with nowhere to go and no motivation to even try.
Why bother?
A strong gust of wind blew past him and he shook on his feet. Below, the waves crashed, the sound lulling and inviting and without thinking he planted his palms on the metallic edge and prepared to lift himself as planned.
Just before he was able to hop off the ground, however, something latched around the leather braid around his neck and yanked. He gurgled as it pressed painfully against his throat, instantly cutting off his air supply. Whoever was accosting him kept out of sight, just behind him, ignoring the way Bay flailed and struggled to free himself.
He desperately tried to pull the cord forward so he could catch a breath, but the person behind him was too strong, not letting up even a centimeter. He was hauled back against a hard surface—someone’s chest—an arm banding around his waist to keep him in place as he continued to flail. Even when he switched to clawing at that arm, digging his nails into his attacker’s flesh as deep as he could get them, the cord remained taught.
Black spots began winking in and out in front of him, his vision becoming blurry with each passing second his body was deprived of oxygen. There was a big difference between wanting to jump off a bridge and being strangled, not that Bay would have thought as much a moment ago when he’d been so set on jumping in the first place.
The panic was raw and all consuming, forcing him to fight back despite his earlier intentions to end things himself. He kicked, landing a couple of blows against his attacker’s shins, but the grip around him never loosened.
He tensed up as the burn in his lungs became too much.
“What’s wrong, Kitten?” a voice cooed into his ear then, warm breath fanning across his skin.
That voice. That familiar voice.
“You’re so eager to die,” Sila continued, only there was a sharpness to his tone, something demonic and feral. “Allow me to help you.”
The leather cord was pulled even tighter and all at once Bay’s body gave out. His vision turned black and he slumped, only remaining upright due to the man holding him. Just before he passed out completely, he felt the corner of his mouth turn up in relief.
Not because he was getting his wish and finally dying.
But because Sila was there.
