Logically, he understood he should put an end to whatever was between them before it was too late. He was already addicted, in no time at all it could become a permanent change and then what would he do once Sila left?
He knew what he’d do. He just didn’t want to admit it, mostly because over the course of the past couple of weeks his mindset had finally deviated away from that line of thinking. He hadn’t sought out death frequently, but he’d welcomed it with open arms. Now…Shamefully, his sudden will to live had little to do with what he’d learned about his grandmother and everything to do with what had been unlocked within himself.
Bay liked pain during sex, liked to feel small and taken advantage of. It wasn’t about power or control, but about being forced to endure something, something others might—or probably would—find horrifying. His desires were dark and deeply ingrained on his psyche in such a way he hadn’t even realized how etched into him they’d been, even with all the dark porn he’d watched at the Seaside. Since he’d barely managed to get a small thrill out of viewing those scenes on the big screen, he’d assumed it was more the violence of it that was tugging him out of that fog.
Seeing someone brutalized, even knowing it was in a controlled setting since those movies had been staged and scripted, had called to his inner self. He’d thought it was shock, since prior to turning into an undead, Bay hadn’t explored many kinks and certainly nothing as graphic or extreme as primal play or rape fantasy.
Even when his fantasizing had begun to star Sila as the male antagonist, Bay had still assumed he was upping the ante in order to keep that small ember that had finally been lit inside of him alive.
He’d been so wrong it was almost laughable.
Bay hadn’t started to feel again due to shock or horror at seeing other people tied up and cut and chased. He’d started to feel out of longing. Subconsciously, he must have known experiencing those things himself would save him from drowning in the empty black abyss. He just hadn’t been capable of admitting it.
And now he was screwed, because there was only one person on this planet he could trust with a secret like that, and that person was ignoring his messages.
“Mr. Xin,” Bay stopped Riel and Jol before they could leave, acting on impulse. He couldn’t wait another moment to find out what was going on with Sila. He had to know right now. “Do either of you know why Mr. Varun wasn’t present for class today?”
“It’s bad,” Riel said, stepping up to the podium Bay was still standing behind. “Someone said they heard that Sila’s dad showed up on planet.”
“Hey,” Jol glanced between the two of them and pursed her lips in obvious displeasure.
“It’s fine,” Bay reassured her. “If there’s something going on with a student and their family, eventually the school will be notified. Telling me now just allows me to prepare ahead of time. Continue, Mr. Xin.”
Bay didn’t know much about Sila’s father, only that neither of the twins were very fond of him and he lived on their home world, Tibera. That planet was in another galaxy a good distance from their own, so the fact he’d taken the time to make a personal trip instead of simply calling them was unnerving.
“No one really knows what’s true or not,” Riel explained, “but it sounds like his dad is here to take him back home.”
“That’s absurd,” Bay stated before he could help it. “Why would he do that? Vail University is one of the top schools in the universe. People spend ages praying for an acceptance letter and his son is already in his second year.”
“I’m not sure,” Riel admitted. “But from what I’ve heard of Sila’s dad, it wouldn’t surprise me.”
Sila couldn’t leave. Especially not before talking about it with Bay.
“He’d never go willingly,” Jol joined the conversation. “But his dad is the one person who could force him to leave no matter what he personally wanted.”
“Do you know where they are?” Bay wasn’t sure why he was asking. It wasn’t like he could show up and announce he was Sila’s professor. He didn’t have a say, either as Sila’s teacher or as the man he was currently sleeping with. Neither of those titles gave him the right to make demands.
Bay didn’t have the right to do or say anything.
If Sila really did leave, could he even be mad about it? The younger guy hadn’t made him any promises other than that he’d help him find out what happened with his grandmother. He’d done that and, to add insult to injury, Bay was the one who’d messaged him saying not to bother continuing with the search. He wasn’t foolish enough to assume for even a second that Sila would hang around for his sake or the agreement they’d made—Sila wouldn’t care enough to do that. He only did what benefited himself, after all—but even if there’d been a slim chance of it before, now that Bay had called the whole thing off…
“No,” Riel shook his head, looking every bit as upset about this whole thing as Bay was starting to feel. “Right now, we’re just waiting to see if he gets back to us.”
“He hasn’t contacted you?” So it wasn’t just Bay he was ignoring? “When was the last time you heard from him?”
“This morning,” Jol replied. “He messaged me saying he was going to be late to breakfast. We were supposed to meet in the school cafeteria to go over class notes but he never even made it.”
Oh.
Bay had tried getting a hold of him yesterday. Clearly his multi-slate was working. What did that mean?
“When did you say his father arrived?”
“Supposedly he came in on an early shuttle,” Riel said.
“And Sila had no idea he was coming?”
“Are you kidding,” he snorted. “Sila hates his father. He would have talked our ears off about it if he’d known.”
