Chapter 32:
The first time they’d done it, they’d been eight. Rin—the real Rin—had pushed Stax Hyuk off a cliff to see how far down the drop was and had felt no remorse after the fact when she’d ended up with a broken arm. She’d tried to tell their parents the truth, but by then, Sila had already stepped forward and swapped their clothes. He’d taken on the role of his younger brother, easily emoting the way one should in a situation like that.
He’d cried and pleaded and apologized until tears were glistening in his eyes, and since emotions that strong weren’t typically shown amongst anyone not family, it’d made the Hyuk’s uncomfortable enough to question their own daughter. In the end, they’d believed him that it’d been an accident and told their daughter she was merely misremembering due to shock.
The second time, Sila had wanted to learn how to shoot a blaster, something Rin wasn’t all that interested in. The younger twin felt killing a person that way was uneventful. He’d much rather get up close and personal and be able to watch the life drain from their eyes. They’d been ten then.
Practically their entire lives they’d been switching places, fooling those around them. Sometimes it was to help keep them hidden, so no one would be able to guess that the older twin felt too much and the younger twin didn’t feel enough, but other times it was for the fun of it. To get out of doing something one didn’t want to do but the other was interested in. The personalities had come easily enough, though were carefully crafted and built upon over time, so it would be easier for them to slip into the right role whenever they needed to.
Sila became known as the quiet and studious older brother, and Rin the outgoing, always up for an adventure younger brother. They fit into their father's molds for them, one to become a chief of medicine, the other destined for a seat on the council. It’d made sense.
Until they’d been able to escape Tibera. Here, on Vitality, they were supposed to be able to let most of that go. They’d started in their proper places, and all of last year they’d kept to those roles. Sila had been Sila and Rin had been Rin. Then Sila had made a discovery and had asked for Rin’s help one last time and…Well. Things had quickly returned to how they’d been shortly after that. They’d switched around all summer, easily getting away with it.
It’d been a little disheartening honestly, at least for him—for the real Sila. He hadn’t made many friends his freshman year, happy to coast through unnoticed for once in his life, but even those few hadn’t been able to tell him from his brother. And when this year had begun and his brother still hadn’t solved the issue he’d asked of him, they’d agreed to keep playing each other.
Neither of them had said out loud they’d realized they preferred it, that they preferred being in the other's shoes, but it was apparent that was the case. That was why neither had forced switching back. When his brother had asked him to a few weeks ago, he’d even been a bit nervous he’d wanted his name back permanently—more so since they’d been in the thick of this situation with Kelevra.
A part of him had wanted to be Rin Varun so badly, even if he couldn’t admit it.
But now here they were.
He was quiet the entire drive to the penthouse, giving both himself and Kelevra time to cool down and collect their thoughts. On the one hand, part of him did think this could have been a mistake after all. Kel wasn’t exactly known for his understanding, and he’d made it clear after the thing with Brennon that he didn’t forgive either. But on the other…
Maybe he was a fool, but he really just wanted it to be real. For once, Rin wanted to be Rin and no one else. He wanted to have a home and a place, somewhere he didn’t constantly feel the need to run or hide from. Someone that made him want to stay in the same identity instead of switching it around with his brother the way other siblings shared clothing.
He followed Kelevra from the parking garage to the elevator and then across the roof to the side entrance. Neither of them spoke as they moved up the stairs and down the hall to the bedroom, though he ended up hesitating in the doorway.
Kelevra went straight for the end table and Rin knew without having to see what he was getting from there.
“Kel…”
“We can’t solve all our problems through sex,” Kelevra said, straightening and turning back to face him. “You said that. You said a lot of things if you recall, some of them more hypocritical than others. Despite what I did for you and your brother back there, make no mistake, Flower, I’m pissed right now.”
“I know.” He didn’t bother adding the Imperial Prince had a right to be. Rin understood that. “I lied. I didn’t mean to but…”
“Were you ever going to tell me the truth?”
He dropped his gaze.
“This is how this is going to play out, Consort.” Kelevra held out his palm. “Same game as our first night together, only with a twist. Either you take the black pill, or I take the white one. If I do that, we’re going to have sex after all, but it won’t be gentle or sweet, and afterward, there’s a good chance we’ll both hate each other. I stand by my claim to you. I won’t let you go. You’re mine. So choose. Either you be absolutely honest and you put your trust in me, or we fuck and resent one another for the rest of our very long lives.”
Rin’s heart was pounding in his chest.
“This is it,” Kelevra said. “This is the actual fight or flight scenario. Decide.”
His biggest secret had already been revealed, so it shouldn’t be so daunting to think about popping that truth pill into his mouth. It shouldn’t be more terrifying to imagine being honest than it was imagining being thrown to the ground and brutally fucked in anger, but it was.
Still, there was too much at stake here for Rin to give in to fear, and in many ways, he owed Kel an explanation.
Rin took the black pill and brought it up to his mouth, but Kelevra grabbed him by the wrist.
“Wait,” the Imperial Prince demanded, and at Rin’s frown, added, “I don’t need you to take that to know whether or not you’re lying to me.”
“I know.” This was a test. Rin wanted to pass. He swallowed the pill before Kel could stop him again.
Kelevra watched him closely. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“You told me to choose. I chose.”
