I believe there is a unique bond between myself and my husband. After consulting with my brother who has worked in the medical field for over twenty years, I have learned it is not humanly possible for my blood to replenish as quickly as it has. Arthur is the only other person who knows of my husband’s affliction, so there’s no way for me to further my investigation without triggering suspicion. It is otherworldly, and others might think me insane, but I choose to take it as a sign I am meant to be my husband’s companion. I believe him when he says my blood is special. I feel the magic between us when he drinks from me. There is no feeling like it.
I take a seat on the window nook, placing the journal in my lap. Those otherworldly feelings that Evelyn described are what I fear for Jo. It’s why I denied her when she asked me to bite her. It’s not normal for a vampire to crave blood, but with Joanna, just the smell of her is enough to drive me wild with bloodlust. Ican’t imagine how I’ll react once I have her blood on my tongue. I’m likely to lose all sense of humanity, and that is the last thing I want to do with Jo in my presence. This unquenchable desire for her is dangerous. And every time we come together, I’m stepping closer and closer to crossing an unforgivable line.
I will not harm another human.
I made that promise fifty years ago, and I intend to keep it.
Chapter Twenty
JOANNA
Idon’t see Aidan again for the rest of the week. Things around the farm have been too hectic, and now my mom is going back to visit my aunt again this weekend. There was supposedly a complication with her recovery and something got infected. Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing whether or not Holly’s telling the truth, so my mom has no choice but to go.
I don’t usually think about missing my mom when she’s gone, but right now, I feel like a kid again, being forced to say goodbye after having been dropped off at kindergarten. Only it’s me dropping her off at the airport. Between this and not having spent any more time with Aidan this week, I feel overcome with loneliness, something I haven’t felt since Aidan and I made our arrangement.
And I can’t shake the fear that asking him to bite me may have changed things. I didn’t expect him to react so negatively, but it’s clearly a much bigger deal than I thought. I’m still not sure what came over me in the moment—the need for it just overtook me. I never thought I’d willingly ask to be bitten by a fucking vampire, but with Aidan buried inside me, somethingraw and hidden deep within my own blood called for him to do it. It needed it.
Now, away from the lust-filled haze and otherworldly desperation, feeling denied makes me feel even more vulnerable for wanting it in the first place.
I fight tears the entire ride back to the farm after dropping mom off, then I spend the rest of the day diving headfirst into chores. The animals are a good distraction, but the moment I get home, when it’s just me and Thumper, that aching hole inside me yawns open again.
I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this. I’m a strong woman. I don’t need anyone for anything. Ever since that first night with Aidan, he’s made me question my own independence. I don’t care what my body tells me; I don’t need him.
Instead of sulking around the house, I make sure to feed Thumper and let her have extra time outside, then I hop in my car and head to town.
It’s Friday night. I should be drinking and hanging out with friends.
I text Raegan, but she and Jamie are spending the night in. Things still feel off between me and Simone, so I don’t feel comfortable asking her. That leaves Aidan, and I am not that desperate. He’s the reason I feel this shitty in the first place.
Whatever.I can drink by my-damn-self.
I park right outsideof Bones. It’s finally open again after whatever plumbing issues were keeping them closed, and there are a lot of people inside, more than I’ve seen in a while. Bones is usually the place people migrate to when some sports game is playing or if it’s one of the older local’s birthdays, but latelyit’s been quiet. Tonight, however, there are a ton of younger people crowding the bar and only a couple residents from town I recognize.
Did Maurice put an ad out or something?
I grab a stool at one of the empty high-top tables and take a seat. I notice some of the decor has changed, and there’s an area in the back that’s completely blocked off with a black tarp. I want to ask what’s going on, but Maurice isn’t behind the bar. It’s some young, platinum blonde, twenty-something. A perky brunette comes over to take my order and check my ID. I don’t know what got in Maurice’s head and convinced him to hire so many young girls, but I guess it’s working. Business seems to be booming.
I sit alone and drink my double whiskey and coke. Then I order and drink two more. I’m offered a free shot from a group of guys at the bar celebrating the fuck knows what, so I drink that too.
Eventually, I need to pee, but the entire room spins like a tilt-a-whirl when I stand, and I realize I’m shit out of luck when it’s time to go home.
While I’m in the bathroom, I clumsily scroll through my contacts and try to decide who to call. I don’t want to call Raegan after having asked her to hang out earlier, because then I’ll have to admit I got drunk by myself, and that’s embarrassing.
My blurry finger hovers over Aidan’s name as I debate if it’s worth listening to him scold me. Aren’t we past all that, though? Maybe he won’t say anything. Secretly, I wish he would come whisk me away to his place and take care of me.
As my imagination runs away from me, I hear the phone start ringing. Sure enough, Aidan’s number is being dialed. I must have actually pushed the damn button without realizing it.
“Goddamn-fit,” I slur.
I hold my breath as the phone rings and rings. When his voicemail message starts playing, I sigh with relief.
“Thank fuck.”
Just then, another woman enters the bathroom on unsteady feet. “Don’t call your ex, girl,” she tells me in a grave tone. “It’s not worth it.”
Something tells me she knows from experience.
I feel my way out of the bathroom and back down the corridor. I just need to wait it out. After a glass of water and an aspirin, I’ll be sane enough to call Raegan without caring how drunk I got. I’ve almost reached the bar when a hand touches my shoulder.
