She flung her arms wide, eyes brimming with tears. "I don’t want to be with a fucking robot. I want someone who feels something. Who lets me in.”
“I do let you in.” The words sounded hollow even to me.
“No. You let me see what you want me to see.” Lucy exhaled in defeat. “It’s exhausting, Luke. Loving you is exhausting.”
I stared down at the coffee I’d just made, trying to work out where exactly things went wrong and when I failed her.
The day she moved out, she left her engagement ring on the kitchen counter and a note that said “I hope you find someone who knows how to love you. I’m sorry that it couldn’t have been me.”
Two days later, Nick showed up with Thai food and Blu Ray copies of all the John Wick movies. We ate together in silence while I drank whisky and tried to remember how to breathe.
I shake my head as the memory dissipates but my anxiety remains. It’s not just that she’s too good for me, it’s the fear that if she really sees the real me, not just the calm, collected version I present, she'll run too.
Because Lucy was right. I am exhausting to love.
But if I ever had a shot at changing that, it’s with Emmy.
CHAPTER 39
Luke
Friday night rollsround and I’m full of nervous energy as I wait for Emmy to arrive. We’ve planned a whole evening around Shibari, the art of Japanese rope bondage, and I’m ridiculously excited to get my beloved ropes onto her beautiful skin. They’ve been gathering dust on my bookshelf for way too long.
A text flashes up on my phone to say she’s just getting out of a cab and I rush up the stairs to the main entrance so I can greet her when she arrives.
I arrive just as the doorbell goes, and Jonah, one of my security guards, blinks in shock as I all but shove him out of the way to open the door.
“Oh, sorry boss,” he mutters, as I fling the door open.
Emmy’s face is the perfect picture of surprise, her mouth popping open in a delicious ‘o’ that makes me want to push my thumb between her lips. She breaks into a wide smile and gives me a warm hug as I pull her inside.
“Ms Warner,” I say, bowing to her as she stifles a giggle. “Welcome back to Salt.”
“Mr Pullman, it’s so good of you to welcome me yourself,” she says, feigning a blush and giving me coy eyes.
Poor Jonah must think we’re both cooked but he hangs back respectfully and averts his eyes when I lean in to give her a lingering kiss. I can’t help but snake my fingers into her loose curls, deepening the kiss until Jonah gives a very discreet cough behind us. I realise that the doorbell’s gone again, and it might not give the best impression if the owner is standing in Salt’s lobby, mauling its prettiest member.
With a laugh, she pulls away and threads her fingers through mine, and we head down into the club together.
“Drink?” I offer, making a beeline for the bar.
“Marg, please!” she replies, as Pawel grabs out some frozen glasses.
“So, ropes tonight?” I ask as we lean against the bar.
“Ropes tonight,” she says, eyes glinting. “I can’t wait to be at your mercy.”
Christ. This woman will be the death of me.
Just then, Jessie appears in the corner of my eye in a flurry of motion.
“Boss,” she starts, a little breathlessly. “I’m so sorry to interrupt.”
“Don’t be silly, Jess. What’s up?”
“Hi Emmy,” she says, leaning over to give Emmy a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Hey,” Emmy replies. “I can excuse myself if you have club stuff to discuss?”
