“Thank you for an incredible night, Luke. I know it’s just sex but I really appreciate everything you’re doing for me. I’m sure you’ve got a dozen women a night who are desperate to be in here.”
She grins and I struggle to return it.Just sex. She doesn’t know how wrong she is. But there’s no way I can come clean. She’s still reeling from the shock of her marriage ending and we agreed to keep things strictly physical. She doesn’t need a man who should know better weighing her down with emotional baggage right when she’s setting herself free.
I lean down and kiss her softly on the cheek as she shrugs off my jacket and hands it back.
“Until next time, Ms Warner. Be good.”
She beams, turns on her heel, and strolls out of my office.
My jacket holds her warmth for far longer than I expect it to.
CHAPTER 25
Emmy
As the tubepulls away from Westminster station, I’m smiling from ear to ear. It’s a short ride to Bermondsey but I’m grateful for a few moments alone to process the evening.
What. A. Night.
I don’t know how Luke has read me so perfectly, so quickly. I tossed him a handful of ideas from the Fuckit List, but it’s like he’s seen straight into my soul and pulled out the parts I’ve kept hidden my whole adult life. He’s such a natural in this space, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I loved getting to know the more charming, flirtatious side of him.
He might have known me for more than half of my life but he’s always been a bit distant. Quiet, calm, and serious, he was always just ‘Nick’s best friend’. In the way I guess I used to just be ‘Nick’s little sister’.
I’m suddenly struck by what he said at Salt the night we first kissed. He had thought about me before. I wonder if what I’d written off as him being aloof was actually something deeper, and that perhaps Luke has known me better than I realised for a long time. We’ve fundamentally changed our relationship and I don’t know where that will leave us when things go back to normal and he gets bored of our little dalliance.
The tube grinds to a halt at Bermondsey and my euphoria drops away as I think about Nick. I know he’d struggle with the idea of Luke and I sleeping together, even though we’re both consenting adults. I don’t think he’s ever stopped seeing me as his responsibility, the teenager that he had to raise. A small, mean part of me can’t help but think he was relieved when I married Colin so young. I was suddenly someone else’s to look after.
He met Priya a few years later and began living the life he’d been denied when he became my guardian. But I know in my heart of hearts that we were both just doing our best and coping with the death of our parents as well as we could. I owe him so much and I will never be able to repay him for all he did for me growing up.
There’s no denying that I jumped into my relationship with Colin feet first and didn’t look back. I let go of my big brother and became a girlfriend, and then a wife. But the reality is I let myself be just another man’s responsibility without ever learning how to be an adult on my own. I can see that now, especially when I look at Sloane, who’s younger than me and living her life exactly on her terms. I’m just glad it’s not too late for me to start over.
Nick never needs to find out about Luke. Who I’m sleeping with is none of his business. And it would be weird for me to talk to my big brother about my sex life. The guilt that’s brewing in my gut can fuck right off. This little dalliance will run its course, we’ll tick a few things off the list, and he’ll gently let me go in that gentlemanly Luke way. There’s no need for me to agonise over Nick’s reaction because there will be nothing to tell. I just need to enjoy my moment in the sun where I’ve got Luke’s attention and, ahem, expertise.
I push open our front door and find Sloane passed out on the sofa. As I pull the blanket over her, I’m struck by the symmetryof me sleeping in Luke’s office. I wonder what was going through his mind as he lay his jacket over me. It still smelled of him when I woke up – that soft woodsy, citrus scent that’s all Luke. Or maybe that’s just his fancy Aesop shower gel.
Does he do that for all the girls or was that just for me? Is the tender aftercare just part of the fuck buddy package? I wonder what he was thinking when he unbuckled the straps of my heels and slid them off.
I wish I knew what was going on in his head.
“I’ve got another idea for your list!” Sloane sings as I crack my eyes open. She’s already in my bedroom, presumably without knocking, and nursing an enormous mug of coffee.
“Good morning,” I croak, lifting my head. She’s in gingham workout leggings and braids, making her look like Dorothy Gale on her way to a spin class. She perches on my bed as I struggle to sit up.
“Slick love,” she says, beaming at me as I furrow my brow in confusion.
“Slick what now?” I reply, sitting up.
“Slick love. It’s a little thing that Lotus runs a few times a year. I’ve just had an email to say the next one is coming up. Basically, you get naked and blindfolded in a room with a bunch of strangers, then you get covered in warm olive oil, and then you just sort of swim around, touching each other.”
I raise my eyebrows and blink a few times to check if I’m having some sort of weird dream. Nope. This is apparently my life now.
“I know it sounds mental,” she adds, seeing my expression. “But honestly, I did it last year and it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.”
“Is that not just an orgy with more seasoning?”
“Ha! No, Slick Love is actually about connecting sensually, not sexually. You can touch nipples and bums and things but you can’t do anything to deliberately arouse someone else. Strictly no penetration.”
“Sloane,” I say, holding up a hand to stop her. “No one should hear the word ‘penetration’ before 8am.”
