We speak over each other and then laugh. It breaks the weird tension in the air. I gesture at him to go on.
“Sorry. Thanks.” He sounds stilted as he finds his footing again. “I wanted to ask how you are? I mean properly. Are you ok? What you’ve been through is… well, it’s a headfuck and I wanted to check. That you’re ok, I mean.” He clears his throat again and looks over at me.
I look back and we hold eye contact for a second before I reply. The air feels heavy between us.
“Thank you, Luke. That means a lot. I’m ok. Up and down, you know? But overall ok. I feel more myself tonight than I have in ages.” I give him a small smile, which he returns.
“I went through something similar once. A long time ago.”
“I didn’t know that,” I reply. “What happened?”
“I was engaged a while back, you remember? Lucy?”
“Yes! I’d forgotten about her. I knew you’d broken up but Nick never mentioned why.”
“Well, I caught her in bed with our financial advisor.” He grimaces and I wince.
“Oh Luke, I had no idea. I’m sorry. That’s rough.”
“Yeah, it was… suboptimal,” he supplies. I give him a sad smile.
“To being crushed emotionally by the people who are meant to love you.” I give him an imaginary toast.
“To having your heart ripped out,” he replies, raising an invisible glass to mine.
There’s another silence, more comfortable this time. I reach for another question.
“And… you’ve been single ever since, right? I’ve not heard of you having a girlfriend in the last few years. Or a boyfriend?”
Luke smiles.
“You’re right. No girlfriends. Or boyfriends, though never say never, right?” He gives me a wink which goes straight to my core. Luke Pullman justwinkedat me.
“Indeed.” I incline my head and smirk back at him, which he returns.
“I’ve found I’m better off single,” he adds.
I nod in reply but don’t say anything. For a moment, his shoulders sag like he’s carrying something heavy. Then the mask slips back into place. “Anyway, what I’m saying is that I’vebeen where you are, sort of. And I’m here for you if you need anything.”
He glances at me again, an unreadable look in his eyes.
“Thanks, Luke,” I say, after a beat. I reach out, brushing my fingers just briefly over his sleeve. “That means a lot.”
He watches me for a second too long, like he’s trying to read something on my face. Outside the window, the lights of the city flicker past, but inside the cab, it’s suddenly silent again. I shift in my seat as we hold eye contact, neither of us speaking. I wonder what he’s thinking. I’m about to break the stalemate when the cab slows to a halt and I realise we’ve arrived outside Luke’s place. We sit for a just a moment too long, as if he’s going to say something – but doesn’t.
“This is me,” he says eventually, his voice a tad gruffer than usual.
“Night,” I reply, but it comes out softer than I mean it to.
He shuts the door behind him and I close my eyes, leaning back against my seat. I still can’t believe Luke fuckingwinkedat me. I open them as we pull away, catching sight of his face, turned back towards the cab as we drive down his road. There’s an unreadable expression on his face and I bite my lip, a shiver running down my spine.
The rest of the cab ride home passes in silence, bar the soft pattering of Radio 2 from the front. Normally Nick and Chloe are my two absolute rocks. But tonight, the person who truly made me feel seen was Luke. And I’m not quite sure what to make of that.
As I eventually make my way back to Fulham, my mind keeps going back to him. The look on his face – like the flicker of some old pain resurfacing – stays with me long after I walk through my door.
CHAPTER 10
Emmy
