“I—” My eyes widened, and I shook my head. “I don’t. I…” A vision of Sephtis’s golden eyes going soft as he said those three fucking words burned behind my vision. “Ihatehim.” And I wondered if I actually meant it this time because he’d told me heloved meand he hadn’t even given me a chance to say it back.
“Come on, Cole. You were never really built to hate anyone.” Caiden’s smile was soft, beautiful. It was the sun I couldn’t see in the sky, and a warmth I’d missed so much I felt like I was breaking. “Do you remember when we were kids, and Felix Reed used to pick on me?”
“Yeah.” My voice cracked with emotion, and I furiously blinked away the heat of tears because I didn’t want to miss a second of seeing him like this. Smiling. Alive… Happy.
“You remember how you beat his ass after school, and then two years later, I found the two of you kissing under the bleachers?”
The startled laugh that spilled from my chest ached all the way down, and I finally let myself reach out and take his hand. It felt solid.
Real.
Warm.
“Yeah… fuck, Caiden.” He caught me when I half threw myself at him, wrapping me up in his arms. They were strong—he felt strong. I’d spent so many years feeling him grow weaker and weaker, watching the pain ravage his body and steal my brother away one IV drip, one hospital trip at a time. “I missed you.”
He pressed a soft kiss to the top of my head, but kept talking. “You couldn’t hate him, and you don’t hate Sephtis.” Caiden’s hand came up, brushing over my chest, over the red line that still trailed outward to wherever he’d been taken.
“He was there for you when I couldn’t be. He took you away from me. He… he…” I was grasping now, breaking all over again because all I could hear in the back of my mind was Sephtis saying those three words over and over again, and then vanishing.
“He tried to let me stay. Besides, the only reason I was still there was because I was waiting for him… It took him long enough, honestly.”
That made me pull back, and Caiden’s blue eyes were full of mischief.
“What do you mean?” Sephtis had told me, but hearing it now… from Caiden…
“You might not be able to hate anyone, Cole, but you’re a stubborn ass. I knew you’d need someone after I was gone. And as soon as I saw him, I remembered every story you’d ever told me when we were little about the kind of man you wanted to marry. Do you know…” He dropped his hand, skimming his fingers through the field of red flowers surrounding us. “These only showed up when he did? I was in an empty field before that.”
Sephtis… the tears burning in my eyes were still there, still falling freely when I looked at my brother. “I do hate him. God, so fucking much.”
Hate.
Love.
It was strange how much those words seemed to mean the same thing right now.
It was strange how much I was beginning to realize I’d probably never really hated him at all.
“Caiden…” My arms around him tightened, and I wondered if I could hold him close enough that I could bring him back with me. I couldn’t do this, couldn’t have him here and have to go back to a world where he didn’t exist. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to do this without you. I’ve been so… lost.”
He hugged me before gently pushing me back, and his fingers were like a whisper when they wiped away my tears. “I know it’s been hard, and I’m so sorry. I would have stayed if I could have, Cole… but it was… it was past my time to go. I just needed to make sure everything was right for you before I left.” He cupped my cheek. “You’re all the best parts of me I got to leave behind.”
“I’m nothing without you there.” All the things I’d never had a chance to say… all my fear and doubt and pain. It was bubbling to the surface now that he was here. “All I’ve done is fuck up since you’ve been gone.”
“Cole… You haven’t fucked anything up. This is the path you were always supposed to walk. Maybe you made it a little rougher than you needed to, but I wouldn’t expect any less from you.”
How could he sound so happy? He was dead. Gone. And I still didn’t understand how he was here now unless I was dead too. And the guilt that I felt when I realized I didn’twantto be dead, that I needed to get back… to get to Sephtis…
It was too much.
“I don’t know how to do this alone.”
Caiden leaned over long enough to pluck one of the red flowers from the field around us, and he held it up between us. Where he touched it, I could see the petals glowing. Soft. Illuminated with an inner light that was almost ethereal. “You’ve never been alone, Cole. I’ve always been right here with you. You just have to stop missing me enough to realize it. Especially when he’s always been with you too.”
He… Sephtis.
I’d wasted so much time hating him, and now…
“It’s okay, baby brother.” Caiden wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into another hug. Above us, the sun in the sky was a beautiful gold.
