Whoever he was, he seemed determined to make sure I lived my life in torment, with half of me gone, all the best pieces of menothing more than ash I’d scattered in the ocean after Caiden’s funeral.
“Jesus.” My voice came out in a low rumble as I took off at a walk. The asshole hadn’t even managed to save my bike from the water, and I was pretty sure insurance was going to dick me around for months. I could probably borrow something from the shop—my boss had sounded worried enough about me when I called to let him know I wasn’t going to be able to come in today. Honestly, I could have…
I should have felt like shit. I probably should still have been in the hospital, but I felt fine.
A little empty.
A little confused.
But I felt physicallyfine.
My brain kept catching on the man with the golden eyes and what he’d said. My body felt loose… almost like I was walking through a dream. I definitely wasn’t as sore as I should have been for someone who’d been in a wreck.
I was pretty sure in the morning, when all the confusion wore off and the fact that I’d almost died really hit me, my muscles would remember that they needed to protest.
Either that or I’d died in the water and now I was in some kind of limbo where I couldn’t erase the restless feeling pouring through me. I stopped at my apartment, taking a shower and putting on clean clothes. A part of me hoped the familiar actions would let me settle down. I was still waiting to go into shock, waiting for it to catch up in my mind that something terrible had nearly happened.
Instead, I looked at the red petal I’d set on my kitchen table and frowned, grabbing it and my still-damp wallet before heading out.
Maybe I couldn’t go far without a vehicle, but I could at least walk a few blocks down the street so I could get something to eat.
My stomach lurched at the thought of putting food into it, but I knew I needed to anyway. Just because I’d nearly died didn’t mean I got to passively carry on with what had almost happened.
My fingers dove into the pockets of my jacket and I blew out a breath, catching sight of it misting into a soft fog in front of me.
You know who I am.
Why were those words playing like a fucking broken record in my head?
“I don’t.” I said it aloud, like it would somehow find him, somehow force him to show up again and answer me. “I don’t even know if you’re real. I just know you’ve been fucking with my life for a year now, and I’m tired.” I shivered at the way my voice broke on the last word.
I was so tired.
My footsteps carried me in the opposite direction from the busy hustle and bustle that would take me somewhere warm. Instead, I twisted into an alley, skirting along the edge of the road. I knew where I was going before I actually made it there, and the sound of the rushing water was like a siren call I couldn’t quite ignore.
There was a smaller bridge that crossed the river a half mile down from where I’d gone in, made for people to walk across. That was where I ended up stopping. I leaned against the railing and stuck my hand into my pocket. My fingers came out with the red petal in the center of my palm, and I closed my eyes.
Sometimes I wondered if the reason Caiden had died without me was because I’d been too busy working that day. It was why I’d ended up getting him the flowers, to make up for it. He’d been out for a while, and the doctors had whispered about comas, and exhaustion, and bodies giving up. I’d… been afraid then. I didn’t want to see him lying there with his eyes closed.
It broke my heart to think that he’d never open them again.
So I’d worked late, and I’d felt guilty about it… and I’d stopped to get him flowers.
And…
“Some might say it’s foolish to come back to the same place you almost died.” The smooth voice beside me made me jump, and the petal in my hand fluttered into the air. A pale hand stretched out, carefully plucking it before it had a chance to fall down into the water.
I forced my jaw to clench, swallowing down a dozen questions that tried to burn their way from my lungs. Instead, I kept my eyes forward on the rushing water and spoke in a soft voice.
“Did I die when I fell into the river earlier? Is this some kind of fucked-up hell I’m in now?”
The sound of a soft laugh beside me, laced with a mixture of amusement and pain, almost made me turn to look.
“Whether you died or not doesn’t matter. Hell doesn’t exist, Cole. You’re just… waiting.”
Waiting.
Waiting?
