Instead, there was a shock of heat. Warmth that I didn’t recognize.
Aubrey waskissing me.
Aubrey was kissing me for the first time, and my entire world narrowed down to the heat of his mouth, the way his tongue tasted sweet. Everything inside me shattered and came back together, bursting into flames and the taste of that ash lingering between us.
His mouth was greedy and fervent, kissing me as though he wanted to swallow me down, as though his lips could drink away whatever emotion I’d allowed to slip through the cracks when I’d told him my story. He was looking at me when he pulled back, looking past me, through me, like he could see someone else… and I didn’t understand it.
I didn’t have to understand it to know that my body was reacting to that kiss, to the way he seemed determined to completely devour me. It was easier to react on instinct, to pick him up and half throw him onto the bed again, crawling in after him.
I couldn’t be vulnerable, but I could do this. I could give himthis.
But Aubrey seemed determined to tear my resolve to shreds when he reached for me, threading his fingers through my hair and drawing my mouth down to his again.
It was softer. Sweet.
Aching.
It made my head spin and tried to unravel me at the seams.
My hands were rough in response, yanking his tank top overhis head and tearing his pants off with a low growl. But for every ounce of viciousness that I poured into what I was doing, he gave the complete contrast in return. Something soft. Something that demanded I see what he was seeing, if only for that moment.
I couldn’t.
I didn’t know what he was looking at. I didn’t know how to be whatever was in his eyes.
Soft.
Soft like his mouth. Soft like his expression. Soft like his kisses.
“Fuck,” I growled, dipping my head to that place on his neck that I’d bitten so many times. For some reason, I couldn’t break the skin. I just sucked, drawing the taste of him between my lips while his fingers carded through my hair again and he pressed his body into mine.
Everywhere he touched me, my skin felt like it was on fire, like it was about to split open to give birth to some emotion that I’d never been made to feel.
“Fuck,” I groaned again, softer this time. This wasn’t what I’d wanted to happen at all. Aubrey had a way of always fucking things up, didn’t he? I needed to get control of this. Ihadto get control of this.
I shifted forward, my knee slipping between his legs so I could push him down against the mattress. Instead of looking away like he usually did, Aubrey stared up at me. His green eyes were sobright. They were burning with that same fucking emotion that I couldn’t understand, that I didn’t have a word for.
My hands looped around him to draw him against me, and I felt the slickness of the scar on his back.
Maybe I could find his resistance there? I’d wanted Aubrey, and this was him, at least a part of him. But it was more than that. He was trying to get more from me than the raider I was, the person I’d always been. I didn’t know how to open up. Not like this.
Never like this.
“Tell me.” I murmured those two words I’d said so many times, but it came out different. I sounded like I was inpain.
What was wrong with me?
Aubrey’s expression broke beneath my touch, my question. His eyes focused on mine, and it felt like he was really looking at me for the first time.
And then he spoke.
“When I got captured by the scientists that I told you about before… I didn’t get out on my own. I met a man… an Order soldier.” He swallowed, as though the words were panicking him, making his chest fly apart in a thousand directions. I watched him fight to take a breath, and his eyes searched my face like he was trying to find an escape. They landed on my throat, on the scar there. He spoke faster, closing his eyes as though that could somehow alleviate the pain in his words. “His name was… it was…” I could feel him trembling, could feel the lines of panic threatening to overwhelm him.
“Tell me.” When I said it again, the insistence in my voice was warm and strong. Demanding. I could see every bit of hurt lingering on the tip of his tongue, and I realized I needed it—he had to give it to me. He had to let itgo.My fingers dug into the line on his back, and he gasped as his lids fluttered open to meet mygaze.
“His name was Bishop, and he was the stars.” Aubrey’s eyes were bright with tears that he wouldn’t let fall. “We weren’t supposed to talk, but he kept visiting me in the little cage they had me in. I guess one of the soldiers under his command noticed. Bishop told me later that Morris was obsessed with him, so it made sense that he targeted me. He came in and he took a knife to my back while he… while he…” Aubrey’s fingers flexed, grabbing me tighter, though I didn’t think he realized he was drawing me closer. “Bishop saved me, though. Fuck, he helped me burn the building down while Morris was still alive.” His eyes cut away. “I really fucking hope he burned. Bishop wasgood, though. Better than me. He couldn’t just kill him.”
The thought of some asshole who’d had his hands on Aubrey still breathing made my chest burn, my body scream with rage, but I couldn’t interrupt him. Not now. Not when he was stilltelling me.
