They’d been visiting a blacksmith that provided weapons for his father’s trade. The man’s apprentice had burned himself in the fire, and Will had screamed as if it were his own hand. His father had berated him for the better part of an hour for the embarrassment he’d caused, had spat vicious words about being too weak to control his affinity.
Will had tried to explain that hehadbeen shielding. But it only gave his father more fuel for his rage, only made his mother stare at him blankly while she watched Gale tear Will apart.
He’d told Aya once, in Rinnia, that he didn’t remember his father always being such a monster. That he had been greedy and selfish, but the cruelty had come once his mother had died. Left.
Will wondered when he’d started believing the lies he’d told himself as a child to survive.
“Will.” He turned to find Aidon watching him with an intense sort of focus. “What aren’t you telling me?”
It was rich, coming from the man who had refused to say anything about his own affinity issues. Hypocritical, even. And yet…
Weakness was allowing Aidon to fight beside him withoutknowing the risks.
Weakness was keeping a secret that could hinder their ability to save the woman he loved.
Will’s jaw shifted as he faced Aidon head on. “There’s an issue with my shield.”
The words felt strange on his tongue, an admission he’d only made to his queen and the healers who tried to find the source of his problem. And to Aya, though she had all but dragged the truth from him.
He forced himself to hold Aidon’s gaze. “The more I use my affinity, the weaker it becomes. When a sensation becomes too intense, my shield can’t stop it. Sometimes, the echoes of it last. And sometimes, I sense things without even trying.”
Aidon frowned, but his brown eyes went distant, as if he were reading a page that was just beyond what Will could see.
“The attack the night Viviane was taken,” Aidon finally muttered. He blinked, and that sharp look was back, focused on Will. “I had thought perhaps the Sensainos had extended his attack to you, but it wasn’t that, was it?”
Will shook his head. “No. When they killed Helene, I felt it as if they’d taken the knife to me directly.”
Aidon scrubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “Gods above, so that means in the battles—”
“Yes.”
“And when you…” Aidon trailed off, his hand whirling through the air. “Do your enforcing.”
It wasn’t a question, though there was a certain kindness in that Aidon did not want to acknowledge hisenforcingfor what it truly was, Will supposed.
Will raised a brow regardless, the dull pulse of amusement he felt taking him by surprise. He wasn’t sure when he last experienced even a shadow of such an emotion.
Aidon cocked his head, his lips pursing. “We’ve been making our way through the Kakos camps, and not once didI notice the toll our actions were taking on you.”
Will wasn’t sure exactly what Aidon was getting at, whether it was a masked apology, or an interrogation into why Will hadn’t let his affliction show.
He shrugged. “You get used to the pain. After a certain point, you stop feeling it so acutely.”
Something flickered across Aidon’s face. Will could place it easily enough—the horror of his situation didn’t escape him either. Who would he be when this was all done? When pain was all he knew, when it rendered him completely numb?
He cleared his throat and busied himself with readying their supplies. “We should get going. We have a trek ahead of us.”
It did not do to dwell on the consequences, not when they didn’t matter. He would do whatever it took to bring Aya home. He had promised her as much once, locked in the dark confines of a dungeon in Trahir.
“Do you think my uncle knew?” Aidon asked as they mounted their horses sometime later. “He set up the attack to bait Aya into showing her power and frame the Bellare. Do you think he knew about your shield?”
Will ran a thumb across the smooth leather of his reins. The thought had crossed his mind. Not in the moment—not even when he’d begun to suspect Gianna was involved with the supplier—but in the restless nights since they’d left Dunmeaden. When the fire had turned to nothing but smoldering embers and his only company was the howling wind of the Malas and his own roaring thoughts, Will wondered just how deep Gianna’s betrayal had gone.
Just how much had he missed?
Just how thoroughly had he failed?
You are weak. And one day, someone will exploit your weakness, and you’ll deserve whatever consequences follow.
