Aya’s pulse thundered as he considered her. ‘I knew for sure you were the one the prophecy spoke of when you persuaded me to jump from the Wall. And I panicked. I was terrified of what would happen if you were discovered. I still didn’t know what Gianna wanted with the Second Saint, but by then I was well aware of her ambition. And I saw how closely she watched you … as if she suspected it, too. So I tried to have you removed from the Dyminara. I figured better for you to hate me than to face whatever was coming.’
And she had hated him. She had accused him of taking away everything she had ever loved. When in reality …
He had been the one to lose everything. To sacrifice everything.
‘But of course, Galda didn’t bite,’ Will muttered, ‘and thennot only were you in the Dyminara, but you were in the Tría, and closer to Gianna than ever.’
I was trying to keep you safe.
Aya swallowed hard. ‘You tried to pull her attention away from me,’ she breathed.
Will rubbed the back of his neck. ‘She had expressed interest in me on a few occasions. I thought that if I held that interest just enough, perhaps it would draw some of her focus off you.’
Aya felt sick as Will continued. ‘When the Athatis attacked, I taunted you about having darkness because I was afraid you would go to the queen and admit to persuading the wolves. I never once believed that your soul was dark, Aya.’
His jaw tensed as he looked away from her, as if gathering his resolve.
‘After the incident in the market, I suggested to Gianna that we come here because I thought maybe the Saj here had answers. I told myself I would find a way to help you wrangle your power so that you could fight whatever was coming. And selfishly … I thought I could figure out how to keep us away from Tala after that. I went to Lorna so many times, desperately hoping that whatever piece of the prophecy she had could help you with your power. But I couldn’t bring you. I was too afraid she would do something reckless, or harm you because she didn’t want the prophecy fulfilled. But when you told me about the Vaguer, about what you had been willing to do … I knew I couldn’t keep you from her anymore, even if the chance of her helping us was slim. I thought maybe if shesawyou, if she sensed your power … she would come around.’
Aya swallowed hard. All he had done, all he had been through … to protect her. He had let her believe the worst in him, was fine to let her hate him if it meant she was safe.
‘I told Tova,’ he confessed, his voice raw. ‘When I went into her cell and told her to fake her questioning, I told her what I suspected of Gianna. I told her that we needed to get you away from her. She agreed to help me. It’s how I knew that letter from her was fake. I didn’t tell you about Lena’s or hers because I was afraid you’d run back to Tala – exactly where Gianna wants you.’
Aya closed the distance between them, her hands cupping his face. There were too many words inside of her. Too many emotions welling up that she didn’t know how to express. But Will closed his eyes for a beat, grasping her wrists before he pulled her hands from his face.
‘Aya,’ he whispered. She frowned at the pain in his voice. ‘When we get back to the palace, Aidon will approach you about a courtship. About the alliance.’
She drew back a step. ‘What of it?’
Will took a deep breath, his fingers flexing on her wrists, as if he were steeling himself. ‘I think you should agree.’
Aya froze. Her mind tripped over his words, running them over and over as she tried to make sense of them.
‘You can’t be serious.’
Will merely looked at her, the truth written in his face.
Someone had stolen her air. It was the only explanation for the crushing feeling in her chest.
‘I know you have feelings for him.’
Aya opened her mouth to argue, but he shook his head. ‘And if you think those feelings could turn into something real, then you should do this.’
Aya took another step back, but Will stepped with her. He couldn’t be serious. Not after everything he had just told her. ‘You belong with Aidon,’ he breathed, his face pained.
‘You don’t mean that.’
‘Did you not hear a single word Lorna said? Stay anchoredto the light. You belong with someonegood. Not someone who has lived his life in darkness for so long.’
‘But … she said we are who we choose to be—’
‘And as I have told you before, I have madehorriblechoices to get what I want. I always will, when it comes to you.’
‘Will—’
‘You cannot sacrifice the fate of the world – the fate of yoursoul– for some feelings youthinkyou have for me. And if this match gets us an alliance, that alliance may very well be the thing that keeps you safe.’
‘And yet you claim you would have run with me,’ she breathed.
