"You know what I first noticed about Pirelli when he was playing with the Jags?" He retrieves another puck, sending it over to me. "I mean, beyond his obvious talent? He never stopped trying. Even with all the shit he dealt with down there, with both the team and the media, he kept showing up and doing his job. Kept being himself."
My throat tightens. Because that's Jamie. He's strong and brave. So much more than me.
"I'm sure it was hard," I manage. "Dealing with all of it..."
"Harder than hiding?" Carson's voice drops lower. "Harder than building walls so high you can't breathe behind them? Than living your life according to everyone else's expectations?"
The puck sits forgotten between us as his words sink in.
"Listen," he says after a moment, "I can't tell you what to do. But I can tell you that the path everyone expects you to take is not always the right one. Sometimes..." he pauses, something flickering in his eyes. "Sometimes the hardest decisions are the ones that give us the most amazing outcomes."
"I don't know how to do this," I admit quietly. "How to be... this."
"Nobody does, at first." Carson skates closer. "But Rylan? Speaking from experience - it's better to face those hard truthsnow than to wake up twenty years later wondering who you might have been if you'd been brave enough to try."
"I'll let you have the ice to yourself," Carson says finally, skating toward the boards. "But Rylan?"
I look up, catching something in his tone.
"The funny thing about living your life for other people? They're usually too busy living their own lives to notice your sacrifice." His smile holds a lifetime of understanding. "Don't wait twenty years to figure that out."
He's gone before I can respond, leaving me alone with the empty rink and the weight of his words. My blades on the ice feel different now, somehow. Less like escape, more like possibility.
The path everyone expects you to take isn't always the right one.
Nick's jersey hangs in my bedroom, preserved behind glass like all my careful walls. But Nick never lived behind glass. He lived fully, authentically, until the day he died.
And Jamie... Jamie's been living his truth since he was a damn teenager, paying the price but staying true to himself. While I've been hiding, controlling, and denying who I am for so long I almost forgot.
Almost.
My phone feels heavy in my hand as I pull it out. It's barely 5 AM—too early to call Dad's rehab facility. But in a few hours...
In a few hours, I'm going to stop living for everyone else's expectations.
In a few hours, I'm going to be brave.
Chapter 37
RYLAN
The rehab facility's number stares up at me from my phone screen. I've been sitting in my car in the practice facility parking lot for twenty minutes, watching the sunrise and trying to find the right words.
There aren't any. Not really.
My hands shake slightly as I dial. Two rings, then the now-familiar voice of the front desk coordinator. "Oceanview Recovery, how may I direct your call?"
"This is Rylan Collings. I'd like to speak with Roger Collings please."
"One moment."
The hold music feels surreal - some soft jazz version of a pop song I vaguely recognize. Like this is just another call, not the moment I'm about to change everything.
"Rylan?" Dad's voice sounds clearer than it has in years. "Everything okay, son?"
"Yeah, I..." My throat closes up. "How are you?"
"Good, actually. I just finished morning meditation. Still feels weird, all this mindfulness stuff, but..." He trails off. "You sure you're okay? You sound strange."
