"Ry?" he says softly. "Talk to me. What's going on?"
But panic is already clawing up my throat, threatening to choke me. Everything we've built, everything we've carefully protected...
"Nathan Leblanc knows," I manage. "He called Declan, telling reporters he saw something between us. It's going to get out, Jamie. No matter what. Declan won't run with it, but someone will. Even if it's just some shitty blogger. "
Jamie's face goes pale. "What exactly did he see?"
"Does it matter?" My voice comes out harsh as I push myself up, needing to move. "He saw enough. That corner wasn't as dark as we thought, or maybe he followed us, or-"
"Hey." Jamie reaches for me, but I flinch away. Can't handle his touch right now. Not when everything's falling apart.
"We have to deny it," I say, pacing. My carefully organized bedroom suddenly feels too small, too exposed. "Say it's ridiculous, we're just teammates, that they're just targeting you because you're one of the few out players, and this is just like what happened in Fl—"
"Ry." Jamie's voice is so gentle it hurts. "Maybe... maybe this isn't the worst thing. Maybe it's time to-"
"Time to what?" I spin to face him. "Time to destroy everything I've built? Time to let my father find out from some trashy website that his only remaining family member is— ?" I cut myself off, unable to even say the fucking words.Motherfucker I'm a pathetic piece of shit. What a fucking coward.
"That's not-"
"You don't understand." My hands are shaking so hard I have to clench them into fists to stop it. "You're already out. You've dealt with this. But me? I'm the team captain. I have responsibilities. I can't—"
"I'll deny it," Jamie cuts in quietly. "If that's what you want. I'll say Nathan's lying, that nothing happened."
His simple offer breaks something in my chest. Because of course, Jamie would do that. Of course, he'd go back in the closetfor me, hide what we have, and protect my carefully constructed walls even though it hurts him.
"Jamie..." My voice cracks.
"Hey." He stands, moving toward me slowly like I'm a spooked animal. "Whatever you need. We'll handle this however you want."
But I can see what it costs him to make that offer. Can see the hurt in his eyes.
"I can't—" My breath is coming too fast and the room is starting to spin. "I need to think. I need..."
"Okay, okay, it's going to be okay." He steps back. "What do you need from me?"
You, I want to say.Just you. Always you.But the words stick in my throat.
I collapse onto my bed, hunched over, my elbows on my knees, holding my head in my hands.Fuck, I need air."I need... I can't..."
Understanding floods his face, followed quickly by raw pain before his eyes shutter. "Okay," he says again, but there's an edge to his voice. "I'll go."
I force myself to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry." I choke out, unable to come up with anything more meaningful to say.
I watch as he gathers his clothes, every movement careful and controlled like he's trying not to spook me further. At the door, he pauses.
"Just... remember you don't have to be alone anymore, Rylan."
I can't speak. Can barely breathe. He nods once when I don't respond, and then he's gone.
The quiet of my apartment closes in, suffocating me. I sink to the floor, back against my perfect, designer sofa, and try to remember how to breathe.
Chapter 35
JAMIE
My stick feels heavy as I step onto the ice for practice, weighed down by everything unsaid. Rylan's already out there, of course, the perfect captain, acting like nothing's wrong. Like he didn't shatter both our hearts this morning.
"Looking a little rough, Pirelli," Charlie comments as I join the warm-up laps. "Big celebration last night?"
