“Oh,” Hunter says, and the tortured expression on his face softens. “Really?” he says in a small voice. “You’re not… you don’t want to hook up or whatever with him?”
I smile at him. Part of me wants to laugh at how ridiculous it feels to think about hooking up with someone so obviously grieving for his relationship as Jesse. The man is definitely not in that place right now. “Yeah, I swear, Hunter.” I smooth my hand over the warm skin of his chest. “I promise, Hunter, the only person I’m interested in hooking up with right now—especiallynow, after what we just did—is you.”
“Oh. Okay,” he says in a small voice. The corners of his lips twitch up in a soft, shy smile, and something in the way he looks at me unlocks something inside my chest.
“I want to tell you about what I’ve been working on,” I say, swallowing my nerves. “It’s what Jesse was helping me with. It’s kind of a thing… It’s important… to me,” I start, my voice a little unsteady.
Hunter props himself up on one elbow and looks at me. “What is it?”
“It’s a project…” I trail off for a second, gathering my thoughts. “I’ve decided to start a shelter for LGBTQ kids up in Marysville, just north of Seattle.” Telling Hunter, though scary as fuck, lifts even more weight off me than telling Jesse did.
“You are?” he says, and there’s no mistaking the awe in his tone. “Shit, Penn, that’s… really amazing.”
“I’ve been a little preoccupied with it for the last day or so,” I say. “I got an email from Martin, the guy who’s helping me with everything, and he's having trouble finding a construction company to do the necessary renovations. I’m worried it will mean we have to push back the whole timeline of the project.”
“Shit, Penn, that’s… incredible. But why haven’t you told anyone? It seems like you’ve been working on this for a while?” He gives me a confused look.
I shrug, a little embarrassed now that I’ve laid my cards on the table. “I… I’ve just been afraid that I wouldn’t be able to pull it off. I mean, I’m still afraid I can’t. I mean, I don’t exactly have the best track record with finishing big projects, you know what I mean? I didn’t want to have to face everyone if it doesn't work out. Again.”
“Oh, Penn.” Hunter’s voice is gentle, his thumb rubbing circles on the back of my hand. “I’m so sorry I’ve ever made you feel like that. You’re doing something incredible. Seriously. It’s amazing. And even if it doesn’t work out, I promise you, no one will think less of you. Especially me.” He looks into my eyes, and I see how earnest he is.
His affirmation hits me deep, filling spaces in my heart I didn’t know were empty. I feel seen. Understood. Respected, not just for the pleasure we give each other, but for who I am outside of this room, outside of us.
“Thank you,” I say, my throat tight with emotions I’m not quite ready to explore. But for now, this is enough. This is everything.
He brushes his lips against my shoulder in a languid kiss. “Thank you for telling me. For trusting me.”
“I do. I do trust you.” As I say the words, I realize they're true.
“I’m glad. Even though I’m not sure I’ve done enough to earn your trust yet. But I’ll keep trying,” he says. “Are you going to tell the others soon?” he asks a few minutes later.
“I want to.” I shrug. “We’ll see, I guess. The whole thing could still fall apart pretty easily. I don’t know if I’m ready yet.”
He squeezes me gently. “They’ll be so proud of you, Penn. Let them. Let us all support you with this. You're doing something amazing and wonderful. Let us help you.”
I smile at the thought of our eclectic group of friends. “I’ll think about it.”
We lie there, drifting quietly for a while longer, until he clears his throat.
“Penn, I just want to say I’m sorry, again, about getting weird and jealous earlier. I have no right to feel that way,” he says, tracing patterns on my forearm with his fingertip.
My heart does a little flip. I prop myself up on one elbow to face him, our noses almost touching.
“Hunter, it’s okay. I can understand why seeing Jesse and me all cozied up and holding hands might look like there was something there.” I hesitate before continuing. “I know we haven’t talked about it, and I know we decided this… whatever… will be over when the cruise ends, but I honestly have no interest in fucking around with anyone else. Right now, let’s just agree that while we’re… doing this… we won’t hook up with anyone else.”
We stare into each other’s eyes for a moment, and the air between us is charged again.
“Okay. Yeah. Okay. Good. I’m still sorry for getting so possessive of you though.”
“No apology necessary. Besides, I found it… kind of hot.”
“Really? You did?” He looks surprised, then relieved, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
“Yeah. Really,” I affirm, kissing him hard, and letting it linger until we’re both breathing heavily again. “I like the idea of you getting all growly over me. I like the idea of pushing you until you lose some of your famous control.”
I give him a shit-eating grin, rolling over so I’m lying on top of him, and I do my best to remind him, without words, that he’s the only one I want right now. And maybe for a lot longer than that.
Chapter twenty-five
