At first, it seems like they don’t hear him because they both turn around, and one bends down to adjust something on the ground.Oh my god, are they about to raise the walkway? Shit, shit, shit.
Penn, still sprinting at top speed, yells again at the top of his lungs, “We’rehere!” and thanks to whatever deity may or may not be out there, they hear him this time. One of them looks at us and then throws his head back in laughter.Jesus, I’m glad they’re getting their jollies.
Finally, after what feels like forever, Penn reaches the gangway, with me a few seconds behind him. Our chests are heaving, sweat pouring down our faces as we screech to a stop in front of the sailors. The crew member holding the clipboard gives us a stern look. “Mr. Thompson and Mr. Davies, yes?” he questions.
Both of us nod, too winded to speak. “What happened?” he asks, but he still hasn’t stepped aside to let us up the ramp onto the ship. For one horrible second, I’m afraid he’s going to leave us there as punishment for being a few minutes late.
“So… Sorry… We … mixed up the time.” Penn is still breathing heavily while I’m bent over with my hands on my knees, feeling as though I’m two seconds away from keeling over. Note to self—start working on improving my cardio—ASAP.
He gives us another stern look and takes our access cards to make sure our photos match. Then, his expression changes to a mischievous grin as he hands the cards back to us and steps aside to let us on board.
“Welcome back!” he says with a grin.
Chapter seventeen
Hunter
An hour later, we’re sitting on our balcony, digging into a gorgeous seafood meal we ordered in. We decided staying in to eat would be less stressful than heading to one of the busy restaurants, and after today’s near miss, I’m more than happy to stay put inside our gorgeous suite.
The tantalizing scent of fresh seafood mingles with the salty tang of the sea air. The ship glides through the calm sea, the gentle sound of the ocean against the hull like a soothing melody. It's in stark contrast to my insides, which are wound up tight with tension. Penn and I have to talk about what's happening between us. I’ve never been great at not knowing where things stand. It’s why I became a programmer. I'm much more comfortable with the security of knowing what the expectation are. I was able to push that anxiety aside today at the beach, but I think our crazy Amazing-Race style trip back to the ship may have triggered me. Just a little.
Last night was incredible; the sexual chemistry between us was unlike anything I’ve ever known. And I want more. But I need to be smart about this.Weneed to be smart about this. Ifwe just jump into this thing, whatever the hell it is, headfirst, there’s a good chance it could end badly, which could put our friendships with Cooper, Serah, Kelly, and Logan at risk. Losing those friends is a chance I can’t take, and I suspect Penn feels the same way. The problem is, I don’t even know exactly what I want from him right now. The only thing I know for sure is that I have definitelynothad enough of him. I really want to continue this incredible… fling? I don’t even know what to call it; I just know I want more of it.
Clearing my throat, I put down my fork before taking a sip from my wineglass. “So, ah, we didn’t really talk about last night at all. But, um, I thought it was... amazing,” I say, hoping my voice doesn’t betray how nervous I am. “And today, on the beach, it felt really good to be with you like that, Penn.”God, I sound like an idiot.
“Yeah," he smiles. "Yeah, it really was."
“Would… Um… Would you be interested in a repeat?” I ask. My mouth is dry as the Sahara, and I hate how needy I sound, but I really, really want him to say yes.
He studies me for a minute. I’m not sure what he’s looking for. Maybe he’s not sure either, but his mouth curves into a smile before he answers my question.
“Yeah. Yes. I definitely would,” he says, and something loosens in my chest. I’m not sure how I would have handled myself if he'd said he wanted just a “one-and-done” with me.
“Good. That’s… good. Me too.” I clear my throat again. “But I think it would be a good idea to set some ground rules for… whatever we’re doing,” I continue.
He blinks at me. “Ground rules? Like what?”
“Well, I’ve been thinking, maybe we should put a time limit on it. Like, we only hook up while we’re on this trip.”
“Kind of like a ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas’ thing? Only this time, it’s ‘what happens on the ship stays on the ship’?” he asks.
“Yeah, exactly,” I say.
Penn’s quiet for a moment, like he’s processing the idea. Finally, his eyes meet mine. “That’s actually a pretty good idea,” he says, sucking in a deep breath before taking a sip from his wine. He sets it down and fiddles with the stem before continuing. “As you know, my last relationship was a hot mess. I have a tendency to throw myself into relationships full speed ahead, and it always comes back to bite me in the ass. I was serious when I told you that I want to take some time on this trip to reexamine myself.”
My stomach clenches unpleasantly. “So, wait, are you saying you aren’t sure you want to keep doing this?” I ask cautiously. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything, Penn.”
He waves his hand in the air, as if he’s waving away the thought. “God no. I mean, I definitely want to do it again. I just mean that since I have such a shitty track record with relationships, I probably shouldn’t jump into another one right now. Not that I’m suggesting that’s what you want; I’m sure you don’t.” Color rises in his cheeks as he tries to explain his thoughts. “But, um, my relationships do have a tendency to get… messy.” He clears his throat. “If I know there’s an expiration date, I won’t get all up in my head about stuff. At least I hope I won't. There’s a lot less chance I’ll bring a bunch of drama and chaos into the picture to complicate things.”
The way he’s stumbling over his words to explain his thoughts is adorable, but I hate that he thinks of himself as some kind of chaos merchant. It makes me want to grab him and cuddle him close to convince him that his messy relationships aren’t all his fault. What went down with his ex clearly still stings, but that guy was such a dick there’s no way anything that went bad therewas completely about Penn. I may not have been close to him while he dated Jeremy, but even I knew that guy was a complete douchebag.
My desire to comfort and reassure him is one of the weirdest feelings I’ve ever had. I’ve never had these soft and fuzzy feelings for anyone I’ve dated, and it makes me nervous as fuck. Of course I’ve liked people, but wanting to take care of someone and protect them from everything that could hurt them, the way I want to with Penn, is new. It’s intense, and it’s knocking me off-balance. Putting a time limit on our fooling around seems like a simple way for us to always know where we stand. Like a guardrail. It feels safer.
I bite my own lip before telling him what I think. “So, first of all, Penn, I don’t think you should blame yourself for any past drama in your relationships. It always takes two. But as for us, I think a time limit on… this… will stop will stop things from being weird when we get home too. I don’t know about you, but Serah, Cooper, and everyone back home… they’re my family. I can’t lose them,” I say.
He nods. “Agreed. You guys are all I’ve got as well. So… Yay, we’re on the same page! Top priority: making sure everything goes back to the way it was when we get home."
Something about that statement doesn’t sit right with me, as much as it makes sense. “Well, I hope things won’t be exactly the same,” I say with a smile. “I mean, I hope we’re becoming better friends. I hope that doesn’t end after the trip is over.”
