As the evening progresses, I notice both my mom and Lauren sneaking weird glances at me from time to time. I’m doing my damnedest to hide the fact that I’m miserable, but my mom always knows, and Lauren has inherited those special antennae that tell her exactly what I’m feeling.
Lauren and I are in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner when my mom comes in, grabs a dish towel, and starts drying the pots and pans I’m washing.
“Mom, you did all the cooking. Go sit with Dad and put your feet up. Lauren and I can do this,” I say, trying to nudge her out of the way.
“Oh, stop,” she says, elbowing her way back to the sink. “Bob’s in there snoozing in his recliner. What am I going to do, sit there and listen to him snore?”
“Mom,” I start to argue, but I know this battle is lost.
“I want to talk to you anyway,” she says, busting out her No-Nonsense Mom Voice. “Benjamin, it’s clear there’s something bothering you. You’ve barely cracked a smile all evening, and you’ve been more distracted than I’ve ever seen you. It can’t only be about your move. What is going on?”
I look at Lauren for help, but she just lifts her shoulders in a shrug. “She’s right, Ben. I thought this was literally your dream job, but you’ve been walking around here tonight looking like your hamster died.” Lauren looks concerned too, and I hate that they’re worried about me.God, why am I such an idiot?
“Okay, okay, fine.” I hold my hands up in surrender. “You’ve got me.” So, I sit at my mom’s kitchen table and spill my guts to her and my sister, who listen intently while I talk, their faces both masks of sympathy.
“It sounds like you really care about Aleks,” Mom says, and Lauren nods.
“I really do. But the whole thing is so new, and I have no way of knowing whether it will work out. And the history between Bob and Kent—I mean, god, Mom, Aleks’ father is the one who ended Bob’s career. And he’s at least partially responsible for the brain damage he’s dealing with now. I can’t do that to you and Dad.”
“Benjamin Jacobs, I want you to listen to me very carefully right now,” Mom says in the voice I know means business. It’s like steel overlaid with silk, and when she uses it, I know she’s not shitting around. “If Aleks Warren is someone who is important to you, in any way, I will not be able to live with myself if the reason you cut him out of your life is because of us.”
“Oh, Mom, it’s not like it’s all you. I mean, his family is obviously—”
“No, I saidlisten,” she nearly shouts, causing Lauren and me to exchange surprised looks. Lily Jacobs-Prescott isnota yeller. “Ben, what happened between Kent and Bob happened years ago. It should all be water under the bridge by now. Yes, what Kent did was wrong and vicious, but hockey has always been a violent game. Bob always knew he was rolling the dice. Every night, he knew there was always a chance he could get badly hurt.”
“But god, Mom, Kent Warren is just such an asshole. Even now, he’s still denying that CTE is even a real condition. It’s just so stupid. And that’s Aleks’s father.”
“I know, honey. But I have my suspicions that part of the reason Kent Warren is so vocal about denying CTE is because it would mean he would have to come to terms with how much damage he caused. I don’t know what’s in his mind, and it doesn’t matter. Kent might well be an asshole, but that’s not Aleks. It’s his father.”
Lauren shrugs. “Mom’s right. Just because his dad’s a prick doesn’t mean he’s a prick,” she says. “Has Aleks given you any indication he’s like that? Like, that he’s a completely self-centered asshole who’s only out for number one?”
“No, not at all. Aleks is incredible.” I smile in spite of my misery. Thinking about what an incredible person Aleks is has that effect. “He’s an amazing friend. I saw him drop everything in the middle of a Sasquatch game that was really important to his career to be with his best friend when she was in a car accident.” My heart warms, remembering how frantic Aleks was when he was worried about Josie.
“There you go. Right there, that tells you he places more value on people he loves than his father does—or at least than he did back then,” Mom says. “Look, honey, if you and Aleks can’t work things out for other reasons, well, maybe that’s the way the cookie crumbles. But I will not let you use this family as an excuse to be apart. This isn’t Romeo and Juliet.”
I chuckle before looking at her with amazement. “Okay, well, that’s true, I guess. I mean, I don’t think either of us was planning on drinking poison.”
Lauren snorts.
“But you and Dad… You guys are really both fine with what happened with Kent Warren?” I ask, kind of in awe.
“You can go and ask your dad yourself once he wakes up from his post-turkey nap,” she chuckles. “But I promise you, we both made our peace with everything a long time ago. Life is too short to hold grudges like that. And it’s also much too short to walk away from someone you love over trivial things.” She gives me a meaningful look.
She gets up from the table, squeezing my shoulders, planting a kiss on the top of my head, and pausing as she walks behind my chair. “All Bob and I have ever wanted is for you two to be happy,” she says quietly. “And JJ, your father, he felt the same way, even when you were babies. He never gave one tiny rat’s ass what you two would turn out to be, as long as you turned out to be happy and healthy. And he would be so proud of you both.” There’s a smile in her voice, and I know she’s looking at Lauren as she gives my shoulders a squeeze. Lauren and I exchange a smile, both our eyes glassy. Neither of us remembers our father, but my mom has always done a good job of keeping him alive for us, even all these years later.
“The other thing you need to know, Ben, is that if this job isn’t what you want, or if it’s not the right time for you to move to Boston, or you don’t feel right about it for any reason, you need to know you couldneverdisappoint us. We are so proud of you already, of both of you. We just want you to find happiness, and if staying here and being with Aleks brings you happiness, that’s what I want for you, more than anything else.” She kisses the top of my head again, and Lauren sniffles as she quickly swipes a couple of stray tears from her cheeks and nods.
“Mom’s right. The most important thing is being happy. Don’t take this job if you don’t think it’s the right thing to do,” she says before walking to the sink to help Mom work on the last few dishes. I grab another dish towel, but my mom shoos me out of the kitchen.
“No, I want to finish the last couple of things. You know I like to wash my grandmother’s china myself, so if it breaks I can’t blame anyone else.” She grins. The last couple of things left to wash are an antique gravy boat and a couple of other plates that have been in my mom’s family forever.
On my way back to the living room, I see the snow falling outside has changed from big, fat snowflakes to tiny little ones, so the temperature has probably dropped, meaning the snow will stick around for a while. Bob is still snoozing in his lounger, so I throw on my coat and boots.
“I’m going to take a quick walk around the block,” I call to Mom and Lauren.
When I exit their building, it’s like I’ve entered another world. Seattle doesn’t often get this fluffy, powdery, soft snow. Usually, it’s the thick, wet stuff that’s great for snowballs but not much else.
There aren’t many people out. The way the holiday falls this year means a lot of folks have today off as well as tomorrow and Christmas Day, so the neighborhood is quiet and peaceful. The snow also means a lot of people will stay in and hibernate tonight, and we’re far enough from the main shopping area of town that there aren’t even any last-minute shoppers around. I pull out my phone to check the weather and feel like someone’s kicked me in the gut when the photo Josie took of Aleks and me in front of his Christmas tree that afternoon pops up.God, how was that only a week ago?Not calling him is probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. All I want is to feel him snuggled up against me, running his hand over my chest and making those sleepy little snuffling noises he makes when he sleeps.
