“Oh, wow,” he says softly. “I’ve—obviously, I know my dad was a big hitter, but I don't know why I didn't know about this. I've even watched a few of his old highlight reels from back in the day when they used to celebrate the biggest hits of the year, but no one's ever mentioned this one to me. My father’s certainly never talked about it.” Aleks looks both sad and confused. "How could I not know?"
"They don't include that hit in those kinds of collections of the big hits and stuff because of the severity of the injury," I say. I don't want him to blame himself for not knowing about something that happened when he was just a child. "There are other big hits and fights that don't appear. It's like the league would just prefer they all go away quietly so people forget all about them. If you looked it up specifically, you'd find footage, but if you didn't know it happened, I can see why you'd never have done that."
Aleks chews on his lip. "I still don't know why my dad wouldn't have mentioned it. Especially once I started working on this safety project."
“Maybe it’s not something he’s proud of, I don’t know.” Fuck, I hope he’s not proud of it. But from the way he handled everything after the fact, it’s hard to tell.
“So, at least I know what you meant now.” Aleks is quiet for a moment, and an uncomfortable silence hangs between us.
“There’s probably more we can talk about related to that, but you probably want to talk with your dad about it first. Hear his side of what happened,” I say. “But I, um, I have something else I need to talk to you about.”
“Oh, right. I’m sorry. Go ahead.” He gives me a weak smile, clearly a little shaken by what he’s just learned.
I take a deep breath because this is going to hurt. “I got a call today from my old professor at Boston University. The one who I stood in for at the gala.”
Aleks nods. “Oh yeah? How did that go?”
I’m going to have to just spit this out, otherwise I won’t be able to get through it. “I, um, well, you know how my goal is to take over his lab someday?” Aleks nods. “Right, so, um. He called me today to tell me he’s going to retire earlier than he thought. Like, now. And he wants me to take over his lab and his research. So, if I’m awarded the position by the university, I’ll have to move to Boston.” My voice cracks on the last word, and I clear my throat, trying valiantly to keep my shit together.
Aleks looks at me like he’s been slapped, and I nearly break right then and there. He gulps. “Oh. Wow. You’re moving?” He closes his eyes and repeats himself, only this time, it’s a statement, not a question. “You’re moving.” Taking a deep breath, he opens his eyes. “Right. Right. Um. When… When will you be going?”
“I don’t know exactly. Dennis said they want someone in the position as soon as possible. I’m not sure why—some university politics or something.” I pause. “But it will be soon. Early in the new year.”
“Oh.” Aleks’ face is shuttered, closed off, but then he turns to me with a heartbreaking look in his green eyes.
“I think I hear what you’re saying, Ben.” His voice is barely above a whisper. “This isn’t going to work, is it?”
Every part of my being wants to argue with him, to tell him he’s crazy, that of course we can figure out a way to make things work between us. But I know I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair because it’s not the truth. The ugly truth is that there really is no realistic way forward for us.
“I—” My voice breaks, so I clear my throat again and start over.Fuck, this hurts.“I want it to work, but I just don’t see a way. Trying to manage a long-distance relationship is so hard, and then there’s my family. I—they’ve been through so much already, you know? I can’t…”
“You can’t bring yourself to add more stress onto them. And if we were together, it would be stressful.” Aleks nods slowly, almost talking to himself. “Because of me. Because I’m a reminder of that shitty thing that happened to your dad. The shitty thing my father did to him.”
I nod once, hating every second of this. “And, you know, you’re going to be so busy here with the team. The Sasquatch love you already, and you’re going to be such a star within the organization. I just know you’re going to be amazing, no matter what you end up doing.” My voice is rough, and I swipe a couple of stray tears off my cheeks.
Aleks nods. “You’re probably right. Better to end things now than draw it out for six months or a year and then figure it out. That would be worse.” His voice is shaky, but when I look into his eyes, they’re shuttered, like a wall has slammed down, and I don’t have access to that part of him anymore. My heart cracks open even wider.
“For what it’s worth, Aleks, I’m… If things were different, I think we could be something.”
“Yeah.” He smiles sadly. “Yeah. I do too. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too,” I whisper, and I open my arms for him one last time. He comes in for a hug, tentatively at first, but it morphs into something more. Like we’re desperate to memorize every second of how this feels because we both know it’s the last time.
After standing there for who knows how long, clinging to each other with tears streaming down our faces, I gather my things and slip out the door of his loft. As I start my car, I look up to where his windows overlook the snowy street and see his silhouette there, watching as I get into my car. I hold up one hand in a sort of wave before I drive off, forcing myself not to look back.
Chapter 22
ALEKS
Myheartshattersasthe door clicks shut softly behind Ben. But underneath the raw heartbreak, a seething anger directed at my father starts bubbling up. I’m furious about the cowardly way he handled that game against Bob’s team years ago and for his selfishness in keeping it from me. His actions, both past and present, fuel my rage, and suddenly, my loft feels like a prison as I pace back and forth. I can’t wait any longer to confront him. This conversation needs to happen right fucking now.
I call Josie on my way out to my parents. As expected, she’s totally supportive. “Absolutely, you need to go over there right now!” she says confidently when I ask her if I’m acting like a lunatic. “Look, A, we both know your dad has his faults. God knows Kent Warren isn’t an easy man. But, hon, I really do believe he loves you. I don’t know what the hell was going through his head when he was talking shit about you in that meeting today, but every time I’ve heard him talk about you,ever, he’s always beensoproud of you. He’s always talking about how smart and driven you are. I know he never shows that to you, and I promise, I’m not just saying it because of what your parents did for me and how much I love them.” Josie takes a breath before continuing. “This is a terrible thing to say about someone who saved my life, but hon, Kent Warren has the maturity level of a fourteen-year-old boy. He has the emotional depth of a kiddie pool and enough testosterone to power a rock concert, but he’s not a bad person, and he loves you. I have no idea why he would be trying to fuck up this project, but you’re doing the right thing by talking to him. Maybe this will be a chance for you guys to, I don’t know, maybe have a different kind of relationship.”
“Maybe,” I say, feeling doubtful about this being good in any way for my relationship with my father. “I don’t know, but I just pulled up to their place, so I’m gonna go see what he has to say for himself.” I pull into the curved driveway of my parent’s ostentatious mansion. The outdoor lights are on, but from what I can see, the rest of the house is dark. Not surprising. My parents often go to bed super early.
“Good luck, hon. You’ve got this. I love you.” Josie says, and I nod, even though she can’t see me.
“Yeah. I’m good. I got this. Thanks, Jo. I’ll call you.”
