We share a kiss before Tyler slides out of the truck and disappears through the sliding glass doors into the hospital. I just hope he knows how much I would do for him.
CHAPTER 27
TYLER
Sam drops me off at the main entrance to the hospital, and somehow, I manage to remember where to go, even though last night was such a fog. I feel a little weird. I think part of me thought Sam would fight me when I suggested he leave. But if he was here, it would just be one more thing I'd worry about. I know he would only want to help, but I’m so goddamn self-conscious about my family I’d never be able to think clearly, constantly wondering what he was thinking about all of us and our totally fucked-up dynamic.
But Sam is amazing. I want so badly to believe that he could end up being mine. And not just for a casual fuck or a friends-with-benefits situation. The part of me that wants Sam to be mine is growing out of control, and I don’t know what to do with those feelings. But right now, I have other shit to deal with, so I put a pin in it for now.
There’s a different nurse at the desk when I get to my mother’s floor, and she gives me a warm smile. “I bet you’re Tyler, right?” she says, surprising me.
“Um, yes.”
“Tonya told me you’d be here early. The doctor hasn’t been by yet. You can go sit with your mom if you want right now,” she says in what I think is a Filipino accent.
“Um, okay, thank you,” I say and make my way down to my mother’s room.
My mother’s roommates appear to be eating breakfast when I walk in, and I duck my head so they don’t try to start conversation with me. I’m frankly not in the mood.
I take the chair beside my mom’s bed, deciding I’d better make myself comfortable. It’s warm in the room, so I take off my jacket and sweatshirt and go to tuck them into my backpack when I feel something I wasn’t expecting. Confused, I pull out a paperback novel. It’s an M/M romance Sam talked about when we were walking on the beach last week, which feels like a lifetime ago. He said it was one of the best books he’s ever read. He must have stuck his copy into my backpack. Warmth spreads through my tummy like syrup. It’s getting harder and harder to tell myself that there’s no way Sam could ever want me. He keeps doing these sweet things and making these kind gestures that show me he thinks of me as more than just a fuck buddy. It’s just so hard for me to believe someone so amazing thinks I’m special. But Sam sure seems to.
I spend the next couple of hours sitting by my mother’s bed as she sleeps. She doesn’t move, and if it wasn’t for the steady pattern of the line on her heart monitor screen, I might be worried. Part of me wants her to wake up, and part of me really doesn’t. I’m afraid of what she’ll be like if she does wake up. If she remembers me, will she be as vile and awful as she was the last time I spoke to her? Or will she be pulling out the nice Dr. Jekyll version of herself and treat me with at least a tiny amount of respect? I guess I’ll have to wait and see.
The doctor finally shows up just before lunchtime. He’s an older man with kind but observant eyes, and I get the feeling he doesn’t miss much.
“So, what questions do you have?” he asks after he checks the tablet attached to her bed. Good. I like the directness.
“I guess the biggest question is what is happening with her? How is she doing? What can we expect when she wakes up?”
He clears his throat and looks at me with level blue eyes. “I need to be honest with you, Tyler. The prognosis isn’t great. The tumble down those stairs not only broke her ribs, but it also gave her a skull fracture. Because her health is so poor and we aren’t able to get her up and moving around, I think she might be developing some fluid in her lungs, which we will try to manage and take care of before it turns into pneumonia, but I won’t lie—if that happens, her chances of recovery go way down.”
I let out a shaky sigh. “Do you… do you know what we can expect from her mentally after this? Will she be worse?”
He looks down at his files and reads for a moment before looking up at me. “No one can say for sure, Tyler, but if I were you, I would prepare myself for two possible outcomes. The first would be that we can get her physically stable and she’s able to make a recovery. But, and this is just from experience, I suspect that her dementia will take another nosedive. After major incidents like this, patients often experience a decline, and given what happened before the accident and how she was already beginning to act out against other people, it’s possible she may have been at the beginning of another disease-related decline. There’s a good chance this will accelerate it.”
I nod. The information isn’t a surprise, but hearing it straight from the doctor is different.
“The other possible outcome is, quite simply, she doesn’t wake up and succumbs to her injuries. I’m sorry to have to tell you that given the advanced nature of her disease and the seriousness of her injuries, I think it’s more likely than the first outcome, honestly. But people often surprise me, so we never know what can happen.”
I nod, letting that information wash over me, waiting to feel something. I’m not sure what I’m waiting for. Sorrow, anger, hatred. I don’t know… Instead, there’s… nothing. A doctor just told me there’s a good chance my mother could die without even waking up, and I feel nothing. That can’t be healthy, right?
“Okay.” I clear my throat. “Thank you for being so honest. I. Um. I guess we just wait and see now?”
He nods. “For the most part, yes. Your mother has a do-not-resuscitate order on her file, so that means we will not take extraordinary measures to keep her alive, should it reach that point. I just need to make sure you’re aware of that.”
I nod. “That makes sense.”
He gives me a kind smile as he gets up to leave, patting me gently on the shoulder as I sit numbly beside my mother’s bed.
CHAPTER 28
TYLER
Late in the afternoon, I’m sitting beside my mother’s bed, reading the paperback Sam left in my backpack this morning, when Aaron charges into the room like a man on a mission.
He stops when he sees me before breaking into a smile, but I know him well enough to see that it’s forced. It’s been more than two years since we’ve been face-to-face. We’ve texted and FaceTimed, but haven’t actually been in the same room since shortly after our big argument. I admit, I usually tried to time my visits to my mother to when I knew he wouldn’t be there. Cowardly, I know.
But now we’re face-to-face again.
